- Crew of the Kahuna

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Hail the Junk Fort Boys, in the night they roam at bay, solving woes with fire and sloat.

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With a clash and a crash and a twist of fate, explosions mark the hours never late.

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Hello and welcome to the Junk Fort Boys, an actual play RPG podcast set in the blades in the dark system and universe.

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Featuring three gutter snipes who rose from the streets of duskfall to a junk fort in the sky,

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a junk barge in the sewers, and now a junk ship on the seas.

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or waiting in the port full of ghosts, interns, and probably parking tickets.

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I'm Tiger. I play the character Jarl Zander Doubleday,

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Juggles for short, the Ds are silent,

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a tinkerer with an onion in the guts,

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fixer machine with a knack for the nuts.

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And a fun fact about Juggles this week is that

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although he tinkers and fixes many things,

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he's kind of always wanted to be an inventor.

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And so far, none of his inventions have worked.

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I thought the speakers were pretty good.

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Didn't we get plans for those?

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That's true.

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You did purchase the plans for those.

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But you did make the talkie walkies.

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Maybe I did.

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So maybe that was Juckle's first invention.

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Thanks for noticing, guys.

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And they're terrible.

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They're connected by string.

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At all.

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They are a pair of Dixie Cups connected by string.

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They've always worked without.

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There's never been a problem.

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Connected with the string.

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Yeah, their string goes out the door.

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I don't know how you get it.

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I don't know where you get all your string from.

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It's amazing.

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But it's canon because we said it.

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I don't know.

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I just feel like we've never had a problem with the talking walkies.

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And you guys are just throwing me under the bus for, you know, sport.

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and you know what?

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Juckles is fed up with it.

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Second fun fact,

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he's done with your shit.

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Second fun fact, he loves bus diving.

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We toss him under the short bus.

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I mean, that hurts just as much.

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It was supposed to.

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Well, thank you for sharing.

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You're wonderful.

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You guys are great friends.

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My name is Andy.

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play tarquish squish sunder um i still i will never remember my my intro uh something something

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boom boom sauce and i think they're in a cauldron somewhere there but squish's fact for the day is

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he actually doesn't like the nickname squish wow he just goes with it because someone called him

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that when he was a kid and what did he do

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in his pants?

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He was getting hazed in the

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kitchen.

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You know, he's the new guy and they just

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called him Squish.

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And

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it's stuck.

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But he doesn't

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like it.

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What does he want to be called?

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Yeah, what would he prefer?

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He would prefer Tarquish

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Thunder. That's a really long name.

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We're not saying that every time.

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So is Tarquish Sunder his full name or like Christian name, surname?

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Or is it like one full name, a double barrel name?

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No, his first name is Tarquish.

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Second name, Sunder.

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Family name is Sunder.

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But he just wants to be called his full name by everybody, right?

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Yeah, all the time.

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Yeah, you would prefer to be called Tarquish Sunder.

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It's like Jon Bon Jovi.

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Does anyone call him just Jon?

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No.

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No, he's Jon Bon Jovi.

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What's Jon Bon Jovi's middle name?

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If we knew that, then that would be what this was.

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I assume it's Bon.

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It is Bon.

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Oh.

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I didn't think about that.

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I heard he patches.

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What do you got?

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I.

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I be patches.

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The pirate be.

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I am out of fun facts.

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Let me see what I've got here.

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I've got them written down.

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I told you I like pies, right?

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Father gave me my first drink.

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Yep, yep.

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Did I tell you my father was murdered by Captain Fitzglide?

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Yeah.

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You also told us in session last week.

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Right?

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Yeah, I did.

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Well, kind of.

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Have I told you about...

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Have I told you about...

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You said you got your coat from a cult.

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I told you about Upskirt Kurt.

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What? No.

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No, no, no. We'll talk about Upskirt Kurt

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later.

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What about Smitty?

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No, we don't know

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about Smitty. Tell us about Smitty.

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Tell us another tragic figure from your childhood.

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Smitty might be

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the most important

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person in my life.

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Smitty.

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What about us?

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Well, you know, after you guys.

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I'm talking, we're

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three-dimensional right now.

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Well, that's why

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he basically was my Uncle Schlock.

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Is that the brand of whiskey?

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Smitty? No,

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Smitty was a man.

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Smitty was the man.

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Smitty, I think you might have met him once.

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He's all known by everyone.

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He's a short man,

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red hat, sideburns,

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always wears sandals.

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Santa Claus? No, no.

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He wore blue and sandals.

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No, no, Smitty.

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I could be getting his name wrong.

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Smitty?

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Is he on the ship with us?

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No, he's not on the ship with us.

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Smitty and I don't talk right now.

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But Smitty, after me father, you know, left and me mother joined a cult.

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I told you about the cult, right?

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With the quilts.

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I thought she died.

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Yeah, I thought she died.

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She was lost at sea by the cult.

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Yeah, she was lost at sea.

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Yeah, yeah.

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I mean, she abandoned us earlier to go to the cult.

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My history is very convoluted right now.

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Are you talking about Mr. Smee?

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No, Smitty.

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Smitty was the man who hired me on my first boat

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before I went to working for Captain Vitslod.

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He really took a shine to me and took me under his wing.

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And, you know, he was...

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Let me go this way, lads.

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He wasn't the captain of the ship.

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He was...

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Well, you know how we honorably made ourselves cabin men?

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He was more like the cabin chief.

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Like,

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it was really top-notch.

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Really all over the place.

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He was in charge of the cabin boys?

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He was the king to the cabin boys.

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It was legendary.

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I mean, he had...

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Buddy and I had a falling out

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because I went and joined

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Captain Fitzkite's crew.

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But yeah, Schmitty.

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Couldn't go...

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I'm surprised I brought him up.

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Was he on that other boat we attacked?

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No.

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and pulled the pants down to the captain?

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I sure narrowed it a little French guy.

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I went running to Smitty a long time ago

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if he was on that board.

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Yeah.

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Or this is not all of our first time

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hearing about it.

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Well, you know,

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Smitty.

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Oh, man, you are.

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You keep saying that.

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Ah, Smitty.

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I was talking about Smitty.

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Ah, Smitty.

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Surely I've talked about Smitty.

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I used to get drinks with him every Tuesday.

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That's Smitty.

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yeah Smitty Tuesdays that's what we called him

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yeah

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he was he was my first

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true employer

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you know so

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no it's a Smitty yeah just Smitty

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I couldn't I just couldn't I couldn't

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I can't believe I haven't thought about that man in a while

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Smitty to Smitty

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cabin chief

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well thank you for sharing

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I Bridget I play

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all of the other characters

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and my fun fact about our many characters is about our little ghost Rodney.

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I know we haven't talked about him very much because you had just,

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but briefly with him before you had the next session start.

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But Rodney is one of the zombie boys that you shot in the butt and killed.

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Well, he shot in the butt and did not recover from his wounds

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and became a zombie and then you guys freed him from that unfortunate service.

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But now he's a ghost.

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But now he's a ghost serving on your ship.

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He's your second intern.

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Congratulations.

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You guys are a fledgling business.

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Rodney's always wanted to do something big with his life.

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He has that secret desire to always do something big.

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Becoming a ghost has certainly put a crimp in those plans.

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But I think Rodney's going to make it big someday.

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He's got big aspirations, big desires.

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And his, yeah, Rodney's brother's name is Totney.

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Just as a fun fact.

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We did know that one, though.

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Yes, you did know that.

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And also his brother was one of the other children who died.

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It's still fun.

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Still fun.

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It's still a fact.

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Still factual.

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Oh, so Totney can come and hunt us down.

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Yeah, Totney definitely is alive.

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Totney could be an unresolved plot point, yes.

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Oh, we didn't kill Totney?

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Totney is left open for use.

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I'm excited for that.

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let him come and try

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shoot him in his other butt

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yeah

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the lockport legend

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it's not a party till something burns

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explosive reveals

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can you

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oh there is

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a traitor the whole time

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squish and lady high heel were tied up

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chuckles and patches had to do something

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cult members were closing in

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Lady Bouquet released her demonic plant that threatened to eat everyone.

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Lady High Hill was tied up with plants.

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Chuckles bravely jumped to her rescue and cut her down.

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Patches released Hotman.

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Hotman fumbled in the beginning, but the fumble ended up allowing Squish to burn off his bindings and begin blasting.

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He hit Evelyn several times, but nothing seemed to faze her.

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He quickly made some boom-boom sauce and took Taz Mazaran out of the picture.

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Patches inhaled some toxic fumes.

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He elucidated his dear papa, who told him to step up, be a man, and get to work.

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Patches used his hook to take down some cult members.

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In the end, the group was able to escape, and then the house blew up.

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Same picture.

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But spontaneous domestic combustion aside, what is next for our crew?

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Evelyn knows who they are, where they are, and more importantly, that they have Neelix.

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Lady High Hill is now on board.

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What will she think of the floating hunk of junk in its crew?

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And what if Squish, who earlier had found love for the pink demon?

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It's time for some relaxation, some breathing room, and some time to reflect before the final act comes into play.

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Quit reminding him he's in love with my wife.

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You're not married.

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We will be.

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You don't know that.

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As soon as I make enough money to tinker a ring.

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You don't need to make money to tinker a ring.

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Okay.

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Oh, before we forget, just to make sure I write it down.

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You guys did get XP from the sessions from before.

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So this is like the last three together.

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Squish, you got six.

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One survey, one from maze solving, one prowl, one hunt, one finesse, one explode.

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Patches, you have four.

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One attune, one command, two wreck.

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Chuckles, you also have four.

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Two from survey, one tinkering door, and two wreck.

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I got to start paying attention to the vengeful too.

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Yeah.

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wait so we didn't blow the house up

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the house just blowed up

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you released Hotman and then

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you know there was a lot of gas

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kind of released at the end

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so you know

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a lot of gas

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a lot of hot gas

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you know and Hotman

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you know once

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something starts burning I mean

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it's gonna explode

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that's just the way it is

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did we get

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did we get Hotman back

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no he didn't come back he's a free agent now

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you guys have let him not to tell you what to do or anything but what you have done in the past is

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you let him loose eventually he comes home the next day you know a little hungover hat in his hand

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you know like a sad dad you know like a stray hamster yeah he's like he's just like a bad

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have it you just can't drop he'll he'll come back around um but uh yes yeah i'm sure this time for

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sure you won't find him on the street when he needs when he needs money and shelter he'll that's

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when he'll come back uh yes so you uh wake up the next morning uh to a city still slightly smoldering

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The night was busy with sirens and with people yelling as one of the nicest houses in the district burned.

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You guys came home late from the party with Lady High Hill, whom you very thankfully gave her a nice bed.

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Not the captain's quarters. That's where you guys are bunking.

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You gave her a nice bed below deck.

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And today is her first day on board.

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And it's the early morning.

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Good morning.

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Should we leave?

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Did we get healed?

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That's what I need to know.

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Because I got like one more thing and then I'm done.

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You did not heal yet.

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You're not here yet.

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So you guys have some downtime at this point.

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If you have healing, some characters would of course love to talk to you.

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But yeah, you guys have a little bit of freedom.

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The captain, Adric Fitzclyde, is on deck.

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Lady High Hill's sleeping in.

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You know, she's used to sleeping in past, you know, nine or ten or so.

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And she goes, sees the three of you stumbling out of the bunk, the captain's corner, and goes,

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Ah, ladies!

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Good night, was it?

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It was a night.

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It was, yeah, involved.

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well thanks for giving us a lot of details uh you mind uh explaining that

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and behind him he points behind him into the city and there's just like a ball of dissipating smoke

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uh that's kind of slowing yeah yeah that happened and then you guys just came rushing home like

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20 minutes later didn't really want to talk or anything just no everyone's uh okay out there

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Well you see that wasn't our fault

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It was not

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Definitely not

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And also it had nothing to do with us

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And we didn't do it and if we did it wasn't illegal

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Also if you see a hot man

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Let us know

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He's

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You're expecting hot men to come back in any minute

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He's pretty upset

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And outrageous right now

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I'll prepare him a foot bath

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I guess you will

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All right, where's Tawny?

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Tawny!

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So Tawny had been left outside.

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Yeah, he had been left outside the gates.

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Waiting for you guys to call him should you need him.

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So this is what his night looked like.

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It was pretty long and pretty quiet in that little bush he was cramped in.

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But he stayed dutifully waiting for you.

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And then he saw you guys running, just running down the street.

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And he came out of the bush to say something.

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And then the house blew up.

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So Tawny appears on deck, face still kind of just covered in a light layer of ash, bald head and all.

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Oh, good, your hair.

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I have got a twisted ankle from an awesome kick and a bloody note and a ton of stress.

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Can you help me out?

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What?

00:16:28

What, with everything?

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You know, whatever you can do.

00:16:32

Let me see.

00:16:34

Take a look at you.

00:16:34

I can't help you with the stress.

00:16:36

That's on you, son.

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But I can give you a little bit of help on the healing.

00:16:42

Oh, no.

00:16:43

Captain getting rid of his stress means he's going to get hammered.

00:16:46

Oh, great.

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And then he's going to be real fun.

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Or read a book.

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Either way, we're fucked.

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Come here.

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Let me take a look at you.

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so Brandon you're going to go ahead and roll

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let's see

00:17:04

your insight

00:17:06

and you're going to get a plus one for Tawny

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assisting you

00:17:16

yes

00:17:19

nice

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sorry

00:17:22

notes here

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I found notes

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from like our first session

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that was pretty fun

00:17:36

any good notes?

00:17:38

no I'm using them for scrap paper now

00:17:40

but

00:17:42

I'm using the back side

00:17:44

you know it was fun

00:17:47

sorry

00:17:48

I don't have any good notes from our first session

00:17:54

okay yeah so you can

00:17:56

you can go ahead and reduce your healing

00:17:59

reduce

00:18:01

you got six

00:18:02

hold on sorry

00:18:05

session three I have

00:18:07

or session four I have Dawn of the Poop Shoot

00:18:11

that is valuable

00:18:13

that is a really good

00:18:16

name for us too

00:18:17

yeah so Brainy you can go ahead and reduce

00:18:19

reduce both those harms

00:18:21

they're both level one so you can go ahead and reduce it

00:18:23

but that is not going to reduce your stress

00:18:26

okay and then what about the trauma

00:18:29

that's part of the stress

00:18:30

okay just making sure

00:18:32

yeah

00:18:33

okay so just to delete the

00:18:36

yeah so

00:18:37

everything would lower by one

00:18:39

but since they're already on one they disappear

00:18:41

okay so

00:18:43

Tony pulls you aside and he goes

00:18:45

so uh you guys just

00:18:47

you ditched me last night

00:18:49

what no

00:18:50

no we said we'd get you if we needed you

00:18:53

and you were doing lookout

00:18:55

also yeah i mean i looked out we were supposed to have a signal or something i was expecting i don't

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know like a squawking bird or uh tawny you were safer where you were at because let me tell you

00:19:07

there was a black like tall monstrous looking thing with white eyes and it was terrifying you

00:19:13

didn't want to be a part of that we were running for our dear lives and to be fair i don't did you

00:19:17

guys expect that place to blow up like a day because i really didn't this time no i did not

00:19:22

I cut the head off of a plant

00:19:24

He did we were very impressed

00:19:27

Did you keep it?

00:19:30

No it burned up

00:19:32

No

00:19:33

That could have been useful

00:19:35

Could have been

00:19:37

For what?

00:19:38

I didn't think about that

00:19:38

Where were you?

00:19:39

Why did you tell me this?

00:19:41

Because by the time I noticed that you guys had run off

00:19:45

Literally two seconds later the whole house exploded

00:19:47

And then I went and saw Hotman

00:19:49

He just like disappeared into town

00:19:51

wait where is he

00:19:53

he disappeared into town

00:19:55

I don't know

00:19:56

I had to walk all the way back by myself

00:20:01

I mean

00:20:02

you guys went that way

00:20:03

and he went that way

00:20:05

it was a pretty crazy night

00:20:07

and we were over there

00:20:09

when that happened

00:20:11

would you follow a demon

00:20:13

in the throes of his addiction

00:20:17

laughing maniacally

00:20:18

if I knew who he was

00:20:19

then yes

00:20:20

I'm pretty sure the last time I saw

00:20:25

Tani he definitely like burnt

00:20:27

my ship or whatever I was doing up

00:20:30

Hotman

00:20:30

yeah

00:20:32

last time I saw him he was definitely burning things

00:20:35

and that's all it always does

00:20:36

that's all he does is burn things

00:20:38

I know he was on such a good track to become

00:20:40

a productive member of society

00:20:43

and then

00:20:45

he relapsed

00:20:46

we tried to stop him but he would not

00:20:48

listen to reason

00:20:50

I gave him so much encouragement

00:20:52

yeah I kind of provoked him

00:20:54

too

00:20:55

we needed out of there there was a lot of shit going down

00:20:58

we needed to get the fuck out of there and I was throwing

00:21:00

everything I had

00:21:01

but at what cost

00:21:03

at what cost

00:21:05

well we burned down a garden

00:21:07

to be fair I don't think we've ever burned down a garden before

00:21:10

so

00:21:11

the checklist we should start checking

00:21:16

while you're

00:21:18

talking about this

00:21:19

Tawny is going around and he's like

00:21:21

holding your nose up and back, clearing your

00:21:23

bloody nose and wrapping your

00:21:25

ankles. So he's talking to you while he does this.

00:21:28

What about you two? You guys okay?

00:21:31

I'm pretty good.

00:21:33

I'm beat up pretty good.

00:21:37

You're kind of

00:21:38

I imagine that at this point you are beat up

00:21:41

pretty good. You know, you're just like

00:21:43

your nice suits kind of ripped. You're just

00:21:45

kind of like, I'm beat up.

00:21:47

We were in a nice suit kind of situation, weren't we?

00:21:50

Yeah, we were pretty fly for a little while there.

00:21:54

Are you still wearing your suit?

00:21:57

Yeah, it's in tatters.

00:21:59

The organs are knocked.

00:22:02

Yeah, I also slept in it, so it's also wrinkled.

00:22:04

Thank you for noticing.

00:22:07

And yeah, my organs got knocked.

00:22:11

I am covered in plant acid, and I'm a sad boy.

00:22:16

Why are you a sad boy?

00:22:19

I don't remember.

00:22:20

Probably some lady slapped me.

00:22:23

That sounds accurate.

00:22:24

Probably deserved it.

00:22:26

Well, here.

00:22:29

Let me see what I can do.

00:22:30

I didn't really ask.

00:22:33

If you want to do some healing,

00:22:36

you can go ahead and roll your resolve,

00:22:37

and you'll get a plus one from Tawny,

00:22:39

and then you have your own plus one,

00:22:41

so it'd be plus two.

00:22:42

Oh, yeah, because Physiker or whatever.

00:22:46

yeah so resolve

00:22:48

plus two

00:22:56

okay so it's that four so yeah you can reduce

00:22:59

uh the sad boy would go down that one

00:23:02

all right see a sad boy

00:23:04

yeah plan acid splash would be another point

00:23:09

and then not to me organs would go down too so you could just erase that as well

00:23:13

all right

00:23:15

to kind of like fix your

00:23:17

stuff he like goes around

00:23:19

you because your organs are all knocked around

00:23:21

and he kind of just like puts his hand on like

00:23:24

one part of your chest

00:23:25

and on your stomach and just gives you a quick like

00:23:27

shake

00:23:29

shakes your organs

00:23:30

did you ever get all the glass out of your foot?

00:23:33

yeah and yes

00:23:34

in the various parts of my body I did get rid of the glass

00:23:37

okay

00:23:39

now you jostle my organs

00:23:41

you could use some

00:23:42

bed you could work on your bedside man or tawny i know you're in training it's all right and then

00:23:47

you know you had you had your acid splash he just takes some like just like a little bit of like a

00:23:53

little rag and like you know kind of like wipes your face and for sad boy he looks around and he's

00:23:58

like um oh wait they gave this to me in training hold on uh and he pulls out a little lollipop

00:24:05

and hands it to you the safety pop that has like it's not a stick it's like a little loop uh

00:24:10

Yeah.

00:24:12

Here you go for hearing a sad boy.

00:24:17

Wow.

00:24:18

This is great.

00:24:19

Thank you.

00:24:20

I feel much better now.

00:24:23

You're welcome.

00:24:25

I take back all the mean things I said about you.

00:24:28

Well, I've got some news for you guys, too.

00:24:31

I got my acceptance letter yesterday.

00:24:36

What do you mean acceptance letter?

00:24:38

Remember, I'm trying to get into the Society of Universal Knowledge, their medical program.

00:24:45

So you didn't even start?

00:24:48

Why are you practicing medicine on us?

00:24:51

You start from day one.

00:24:53

Day one begins today.

00:24:57

Does that mean you're leaving us, Tony?

00:24:59

Well, not right now, but I'm going to stay in Lockport.

00:25:04

I'm going to try and go to school.

00:25:07

Housing is expensive, so it actually really behooved me to sit here.

00:25:10

And, you know, being the chief medical officer intern on such a ship as yours would really look good on a resume.

00:25:17

So I definitely think I'm going to stick around for a while.

00:25:20

But when you guys take off for the next port, I'll have to stay behind.

00:25:25

You have to train your end for replacement.

00:25:28

Rodney.

00:25:29

Rodney?

00:25:30

Yeah, he's going to replace you.

00:25:33

And Rodney appears.

00:25:35

Oh, yeah, there's a ghost.

00:25:36

Hi, guys!

00:25:37

were you there the whole time

00:25:38

I'm everywhere all of the time

00:25:40

you're supposed to tell us when you're invisible

00:25:42

we told you it's rude just to be skulking around

00:25:44

and invisible

00:25:46

you did say I have to

00:25:48

wear the bell and he pulls out a little

00:25:50

string with a bell on it and just like slips it

00:25:52

over his head like a little necklace

00:25:54

does it even ring when he moves

00:25:56

no

00:26:00

it's a terrible system

00:26:03

and Tawny looks

00:26:04

at him and he goes you

00:26:05

You guys

00:26:07

were replacing me already?

00:26:10

Oh, you always have to have a plan,

00:26:11

Tawny. We're a mid-sized

00:26:13

organization.

00:26:15

Tawny, you've seen how badly we've been hurt.

00:26:17

We need somebody here to take care of us.

00:26:19

And quite frankly, how badly we've been

00:26:21

treating you.

00:26:24

I thought that was

00:26:25

just because you guys were dicks.

00:26:28

Don't rope me in

00:26:29

with them.

00:26:31

That's also true.

00:26:33

Mostly those two.

00:26:35

Also the intern program is a rigorous program

00:26:38

It's like boot camp

00:26:39

It's like alpha male camp

00:26:43

Yes

00:26:43

Wait alpha male camp

00:26:45

Alpha male

00:26:47

Oh yeah yeah

00:26:49

Alpha male

00:26:52

Only the cream rises to the top

00:26:54

Tawny

00:26:56

Only the cream

00:26:57

Only the mayo

00:26:59

Only mayonnaise rises to the top

00:27:01

Yes

00:27:02

The miracle whip rises to the top

00:27:05

I like the tangy zip

00:27:07

A miracle whip

00:27:10

Well

00:27:11

Well I'm

00:27:13

Teach him everything you know Tawny

00:27:16

Okay

00:27:17

Because Rodney I've been in school

00:27:19

For one day now

00:27:20

Here's everything I know

00:27:22

Rodney is a man

00:27:24

Is a ghost with dreams

00:27:26

And you need to help him achieve those dreams

00:27:28

Before you can achieve your dreams

00:27:30

That's how it works in life

00:27:33

Yar

00:27:35

They disappear

00:27:36

into the corridor and the captain

00:27:38

looks and goes, that was a nice thing you did there.

00:27:41

Yeah, shut the fuck up.

00:27:42

And I storm off the boat.

00:27:44

Wait, what did we do?

00:27:48

I just meant...

00:27:50

Both of them like shit.

00:27:52

I just, you know,

00:27:54

giving Tani a chance on the ship.

00:27:55

You know, because you guys

00:27:57

have run into him a few times and

00:27:59

you broke his arm and, you know,

00:28:01

you treated him poorly.

00:28:02

lost his job at one point

00:28:05

you found him drunk in T-Tro's

00:28:07

yeah yeah

00:28:09

so I mean you know it's nice bringing him aboard

00:28:11

and then to become chief medical officer

00:28:12

that really really will go well on his resume

00:28:15

who gave him that title

00:28:16

I believe he gave it to himself

00:28:19

okay

00:28:20

that makes sense

00:28:22

no one argued though so

00:28:26

well it's fine

00:28:27

adjusting my organs back into place

00:28:29

I guess

00:28:31

alright

00:28:32

He goes and turns...

00:28:34

What, the use of a safety sucker?

00:28:37

No, that was sad boy.

00:28:40

He prodded on my organs and put them back in the right order.

00:28:43

They were knocked out of place, and he was just jiggling them back in.

00:28:47

Yeah.

00:28:48

That's what all the doctors do.

00:28:50

Let's get jiggling.

00:28:53

Lady High Hill appears in the doorway from now woken up,

00:28:58

And she is surprisingly just as dressed and proper as you saw her on the first night.

00:29:04

She's been through it just with you guys.

00:29:06

She had all the thorns, you know, on her, ripping her dress off, you know, nice looking, you know, was in the explosion.

00:29:15

And she doesn't look an inch out of place.

00:29:17

Her clothes, she's in a different dress.

00:29:20

She's in a more, you know, traditional day dress.

00:29:23

Her hair is perfectly clothed.

00:29:25

She coiffed.

00:29:26

She's got her makeup on.

00:29:28

She looks exquisite.

00:29:29

Exquisite.

00:29:30

She's just staring at her.

00:29:32

Well.

00:29:33

She looks well.

00:29:34

My darling, you look great.

00:29:36

My darling.

00:29:37

Darling!

00:29:41

Well, would you mind giving me a tour of your boat?

00:29:46

Oh, absolutely.

00:29:48

Absolutely.

00:29:49

This is the upper deck.

00:29:51

This is where we look out into the open ocean and know where we're going.

00:29:56

There's the post.

00:29:57

and up there is the monkey nest.

00:30:00

That's where Dee Dee lives.

00:30:01

Dee Dee's our monkey.

00:30:03

My ape.

00:30:07

Okay.

00:30:09

That's our monkey.

00:30:10

She's my ape.

00:30:11

Yeah, I guess you did claim her.

00:30:14

You've got a psychic bond.

00:30:17

Okay.

00:30:17

Well, that's Squish.

00:30:19

He just sort of yells at me all the time.

00:30:23

Then I run away.

00:30:25

I run away to go to the kitchen

00:30:26

to make a fist.

00:30:28

he's probably going down to the kitchen to make breakfast that's just the sort of thing he would

00:30:32

do in the morning these are the sails um if you look over the side you can see some of the holes

00:30:38

we put into the ship some of them were on purpose oh some of them were intentional yes yes yes you

00:30:45

could probably see you could probably just make out by my bitchin canning leaning out the side

00:30:52

it's got racing stripes you probably can't see that from up here though um uh i can imagine they

00:30:57

must be very fast yes yeah it looks like it's tearing ass even though it's not moving at all

00:31:03

um the you can see our um you know the the little lady on the front um oh yes she's quite voluptuous

00:31:15

yes she's supposed to be wearing a shirt we always keep a shirt on here for modesty's sake

00:31:19

and somehow it must have blown off while we were away.

00:31:23

So please cover your eyes.

00:31:25

Don't pay any mind to that.

00:31:28

As a reminder, the woman on the front of the ship

00:31:31

does look like our friend Dave Hernandez.

00:31:34

That's right.

00:31:35

A big-breasted Dave Hernandez.

00:31:39

Yeah.

00:31:40

Yeah, don't look at Dave's proximity.

00:31:47

Davina.

00:31:49

Davina.

00:31:50

and all right well yeah if you go through this hole here you can come down to the mid deck

00:31:56

and uh what's in the mid deck i think some hammocks and um there's the galley there's the

00:32:05

privy that's where the captain stays i mean not the captain patches patches stays in there

00:32:10

he does a lot of muttering and mumbling and grumbling in there um and the galley that isn't

00:32:20

the privy the bathroom yeah he lives in the bathroom okay all right just making sure yeah

00:32:27

um it's why it's his privy place yes he's yes he misunderstood what it meant um no i think

00:32:37

because wasn't he a cabin boy and that's where they made him stay

00:32:39

and then he just kind of feels at home in there?

00:32:41

I believe that's the...

00:32:43

Yeah, I believe it was just some hazing

00:32:46

that turned into your permanent digs.

00:32:49

I assume there's like

00:32:49

one bathroom in the whole place that nobody else

00:32:51

uses except for me because it's my home.

00:32:54

You guys all use... I'm in the girls

00:32:55

restroom because there's no girls on the ship.

00:32:57

Well, now there is. There was.

00:32:59

Oh, no! Well, thank God

00:33:01

we have a unisex bathroom right now

00:33:03

on the other side of the ship.

00:33:05

Oh, promotion.

00:33:06

promotion and you see there's also our bunk room sometimes we sleep in there and over there is a

00:33:15

laboratory that's where i do my various tinkerings and that's where i write my letters and um it's

00:33:23

really messy right now you're not going to want to go in there and then the captain's quarters is

00:33:29

downstairs.

00:33:31

So, there you go.

00:33:33

That's the cuddly crab.

00:33:37

Oh, that's such a sweet name.

00:33:39

Yeah, we changed it recently.

00:33:40

I'm not sure why.

00:33:42

I don't know why either.

00:33:45

I don't know why we settled that one either.

00:33:47

Well, it's a very surprisingly clean ship for you.

00:33:53

I mean, I have to imagine that just between the...

00:33:57

No, I just, I really mean that, you know, for the four of you, keeping a whole ship so clean must be difficult.

00:34:04

I mean, there's so many rooms and floors.

00:34:07

Oh, it's riddled with ghosts.

00:34:11

Oh.

00:34:13

Yeah, they do most of the cleaning and most of the stuff we don't want to do, which is a lot of the work.

00:34:18

I do remember in your letters, you referring to all those other people.

00:34:23

And I was curious if you just meant, you know, those other two.

00:34:28

ghouls must be referring to the ghouls i see yeah no they're they're real and they they do a lot of

00:34:35

work around here and uh have you met the captain yet the red captain no no well i you know patches

00:34:43

of course yeah he's not red he's gray oh that's right he's he is gray yeah he's wearing his jacket

00:34:50

it inside out. Don't tell him.

00:34:51

It's a great prank we're playing on him.

00:34:55

He thinks he lost

00:34:56

his red coat, but it's really

00:34:58

just inside out. Don't tell him.

00:34:59

We're going to see how long we can get this going.

00:35:06

Keep your distance from the red

00:35:08

captain. He's a nice guy and all, but

00:35:11

he has

00:35:12

a bad habit of fucking with people.

00:35:14

So just keep that

00:35:15

in mind. Certainly

00:35:17

that won't happen between us.

00:35:20

i don't know uh he's got away with women and bird men too so maybe just

00:35:32

yeah yeah this crazy owl guy professor parsons i don't remember his name uh westervale

00:35:39

westervale that's it yeah yeah they they did something together they wouldn't they were both

00:35:44

being really coy about it but it seemed very very erotic very cool

00:35:51

it was like you were there

00:35:55

all right so yeah that's our boat this is where i live this is where this is where you know your

00:36:03

future husband is uh that's where he spends his time wow that's uh that's amazing uh i surprised

00:36:12

so much fits into such a, such a ship. It's, uh, got quite on it. You said you're captain.

00:36:18

Do you mind if I get introduced? Oh, did captain the red captain, the big one? No, he's a, he's a

00:36:27

ghost. So captain's really more of a formal title that he doesn't really have anymore. It's kind of

00:36:31

like, you know, once you're a president, everyone calls you the president for the rest of your life,

00:36:34

even though you're not really the president. That's why we call him the captain. He used to

00:36:38

be a captain it's more of an honorary title um so he's not in charge i'm in charge

00:36:46

oh yeah he reports to me now roll for deception

00:36:54

uh yeah i come out i come out with her breakfast oh wow oh squish oh this is beautiful what is this

00:37:02

Yeah, I made you a lovely...

00:37:06

No, it's not human.

00:37:07

They're crepes with strawberries

00:37:10

and a sweet cream sauce.

00:37:11

What the hell's a crepe?

00:37:13

Just for you.

00:37:15

This is delicious.

00:37:16

I hand the plate to Lady High Hill.

00:37:19

And can I have one of those?

00:37:21

Whatever it's called?

00:37:23

No.

00:37:25

Okay.

00:37:25

Well, I mean, maybe we could share, you know.

00:37:28

No, not allowed.

00:37:30

No, no, no, no, no.

00:37:33

that's just for you

00:37:34

and the fat just comes storming out of the bathroom

00:37:37

I take out a roll and I throw it at

00:37:39

Juggles

00:37:40

here's your bag of oatmeal

00:37:44

I gotta cook it

00:37:45

myself

00:37:46

no I don't care just eat it

00:37:49

it's food

00:37:51

okay

00:37:54

well maybe we could

00:37:56

if you were interested

00:37:58

later

00:38:01

you know

00:38:02

So much I want to talk to you about and so many things to discuss.

00:38:06

I mean, would you like to take these?

00:38:09

Yeah, that sounds great.

00:38:10

To your rooms?

00:38:11

Oh, I'm sorry.

00:38:12

Chuckles.

00:38:13

Dear sweet Charles Xander.

00:38:15

Take these to your quarters and...

00:38:18

And munch on them out of sight of the food cops.

00:38:22

These are not allowed any.

00:38:25

Well, I, of course, I would never dream of sharing your delicious...

00:38:30

And I wink at her.

00:38:31

Creeps.

00:38:33

yeah you would never share

00:38:35

with old juggles

00:38:37

you're winking with the wrong eye

00:38:39

I can see you

00:38:41

either eye is fine

00:38:44

I can see both of your eyes right now

00:38:48

oh

00:38:50

well

00:38:51

jig is up

00:38:52

see you later

00:38:54

I take the plate back

00:38:56

oh okay

00:38:58

she quickly like you know tries to like

00:39:00

cut just a very small dainty piece

00:39:02

but alas

00:39:04

not allowed

00:39:06

well

00:39:09

that was very odd

00:39:12

that was awfully nice for

00:39:14

a second there

00:39:15

is he okay

00:39:19

it's a

00:39:20

loaded question

00:39:29

well

00:39:30

How about that conversation then?

00:39:32

Maybe.

00:39:33

Oh, yeah.

00:39:33

Yeah, I guess.

00:39:34

Am I in trouble?

00:39:36

No, no, not at all.

00:39:38

All right.

00:39:39

But who was that woman you were with?

00:39:41

Because usually when people say they want to have a conversation, it's to deliver bad news.

00:39:48

Maybe we should just talk in private.

00:39:50

Oh, boy.

00:39:52

Oh, boy.

00:39:54

Oh, no.

00:39:54

Well, they go off into the bedroom or your privy.

00:40:00

to discuss.

00:40:02

Squish, you watch them go

00:40:04

and

00:40:06

next to you, you feel

00:40:08

the presence of Dee Dee, who

00:40:10

kind of just, I'd say saunter,

00:40:12

but she's an ape. She doesn't really do that. She kind of just

00:40:14

quietly pads up next to you

00:40:16

and it's just...

00:40:18

I give her the crepes

00:40:19

and here you go.

00:40:22

She's just immediately...

00:40:24

Start shoveling them.

00:40:26

Slow down, you'll get a tummy ache.

00:40:28

shoveling them in her mouth.

00:40:31

Dee Dee points to where

00:40:33

Lady High Hill

00:40:35

and Chuckles have just

00:40:36

left and she goes,

00:40:38

and what you can tell what she means is

00:40:40

like, you know, what's

00:40:42

up with that?

00:40:45

Well, I

00:40:47

developed feelings for her

00:40:49

and I know

00:40:50

she is way too high for

00:40:53

both myself and especially

00:40:54

Juckles. So it's just

00:40:56

extremely hard for me to see those two together.

00:41:00

uh dd makes a complex series of uh of uh hand motions uh she's signing she's doing some sign

00:41:10

language to you and basically what it comes out to is she has this very long speech and she says

00:41:15

uh you should have you should tell her how you feel it's important to get these things off of

00:41:20

your chest lady high hill is not a very easy person to find and to talk to and if you don't

00:41:26

talk to her now. You'll miss your chance.

00:41:29

Yeah, but if I

00:41:30

do that, then it's going to ruin something between

00:41:32

me and a co-captain.

00:41:34

Yeah, that great relationship we have.

00:41:38

You're not there.

00:41:39

You're not here.

00:41:40

What does she know? She's a monkey. What is she giving us

00:41:42

relationship advice for?

00:41:45

They're mind melded.

00:41:47

Have some

00:41:48

goddamn respect.

00:41:50

I'm in my pretty. You're not here either.

00:41:55

Dee Dee thinks really hard

00:41:57

and you see kind of what her mental view

00:41:59

is. She sees you

00:42:01

and on one hand she sees

00:42:03

off to one side she sees

00:42:05

treples and on the other she sees Lady Highhill

00:42:07

and they kind of like you know

00:42:09

each one's like a little heart that keeps

00:42:11

breaking.

00:42:13

Basically asking you like

00:42:15

well whose heart are you breaking?

00:42:19

My own right now.

00:42:24

Womp womp.

00:42:28

But I think that's...

00:42:29

It's not fast enough to do the actual noise.

00:42:35

Oh, no, not that one.

00:42:38

But I think it's better for me to suffer this

00:42:42

than to cause a divide between all of us on the ship

00:42:48

or two major players on the ship.

00:42:50

It's better just for me to eat this and get over it.

00:42:54

I think you should go for it

00:42:56

but that's just me

00:42:56

I'm giving an XP point for that deep insight

00:43:00

Jesus

00:43:01

that was good

00:43:02

yeah just have another crepe

00:43:05

yeah

00:43:06

really lower some of the tension in the room

00:43:09

I take one crepe off of DD's plate

00:43:11

I go to the bathroom and I waffle stomp it

00:43:14

Jesus

00:43:15

literally you crepe stomp it

00:43:17

I crepe stomp it right there

00:43:20

that's the one

00:43:22

right there

00:43:24

Dee Dee helps you

00:43:25

She starts stomping with you

00:43:28

It's a bonding moment

00:43:29

Between you and your monkey

00:43:30

Yeah you guys have a good time

00:43:33

Trashing the place

00:43:35

Yeah

00:43:36

Alright Dee Dee you got a cigarette for me

00:43:38

Yeah

00:43:40

And she pulls out

00:43:42

Her little case of cigarettes

00:43:43

That she kind of just carries all over

00:43:45

She just pops one out

00:43:49

Out of her side

00:43:52

it's behind your ear

00:43:55

Patches

00:43:55

we go to you now you stormed off

00:43:57

what happened

00:44:00

well we stormed off

00:44:02

I saw

00:44:02

I saw

00:44:05

Juggles walk away with his lady friend

00:44:07

and

00:44:09

Squish follow behind

00:44:11

and I was just like I'm out of here

00:44:13

and I left the ship

00:44:15

and

00:44:16

I gotta go heal myself somehow

00:44:18

I've got stress

00:44:19

I've got stress GM.

00:44:21

It's up the wazoo.

00:44:23

So I go in the town.

00:44:26

Okay.

00:44:27

Yeah.

00:44:29

What part of town?

00:44:31

The Shades, I think it's called.

00:44:34

So that's where you were.

00:44:35

You're talking about kind of the crappy part of town.

00:44:37

The dock area.

00:44:38

Yeah, the crappy part of town.

00:44:40

It's near the port.

00:44:41

I think it's called Fairmont.

00:44:43

Crap.

00:44:47

No, it's like way up the hill.

00:44:49

you know it's not too far from here but it's like you know just a bit ways yeah so you're you're

00:44:54

walking through a more um destitute part of town where's your destination uh there's this building

00:45:01

up on the left um i'm gonna go uh walk into it and uh it's probably not it looks abandoned but

00:45:08

there's a front door with a mailbox on it you know and it looks like a like a like a small apartment

00:45:14

like maybe a small little building.

00:45:18

But it's definitely abandoned, so I've got to break in.

00:45:20

So do I have to do anything to break into it?

00:45:24

Yeah, if you want to knock the door down or something,

00:45:27

you're going to have to wreck it.

00:45:29

So you walk towards this abandoned building,

00:45:32

there's chains over the door, some sort of boarded up area.

00:45:37

Yeah, so roll your wreck.

00:45:40

All right.

00:45:43

I'm rolling a wreck.

00:45:48

I do it

00:45:51

sorry

00:45:52

sorry I was way too excited about kicking down a door

00:45:56

sorry my computer

00:45:57

oh okay

00:46:00

yeah you kick that door down

00:46:02

and you look

00:46:03

really cool when you do it

00:46:05

oh yeah yeah and I'm gonna

00:46:07

thing is it's like I'm in a small alley no one's around

00:46:09

everything's abandoned around here

00:46:12

but I go in

00:46:13

Yeah, I go in and

00:46:16

it's an abandoned apartment

00:46:18

and yeah,

00:46:20

it's the house I was raised in.

00:46:23

Oh.

00:46:24

Yeah.

00:46:25

Yeah.

00:46:27

This is the house that

00:46:29

my papa abandoned me in.

00:46:34

And your mom too.

00:46:35

Yeah, yeah.

00:46:36

Well, both my parents abandoned me.

00:46:39

Thank you for reminding me, spirit of Andy.

00:46:43

Just at separate points in your life, too.

00:46:46

Right, right, right.

00:46:46

Is dying really abandoning you?

00:46:49

What?

00:46:50

She was lost at sea.

00:46:52

She joined a cult.

00:46:54

She joined a cult

00:46:57

and was lost at sea afterwards.

00:46:59

I felt neglected.

00:47:01

I mean, yarr!

00:47:03

Fuck y'all!

00:47:04

You're not here right now!

00:47:06

Analyze my character outside the game!

00:47:11

Okay.

00:47:12

What are you doing in the house?

00:47:14

What are you doing?

00:47:15

It's a abandoned house.

00:47:17

Can I do a survey?

00:47:19

I'm going to pull out

00:47:21

Neelix or I'm going to go into

00:47:23

a room at night.

00:47:24

Is there anything I should look at?

00:47:26

Probably a long conversation

00:47:28

with Neelix.

00:47:29

This house that we go into, it's

00:47:32

not very nice. The picture I have shows

00:47:34

a little bit finer galleries, but

00:47:36

this is not a very nice house.

00:47:38

See the hole in the floor?

00:47:40

That's accurate.

00:47:41

That was me poop hole.

00:47:44

The origins of the poop hole.

00:47:46

The origins of the poop hole.

00:47:49

It's a relatively dingy, broken down apartment.

00:47:54

Windows are cracked, broken in, holes in the floorboard,

00:47:59

melting wallpaper, kind of just peeling off the side.

00:48:04

The main room that you enter is a living room or like a parlor room.

00:48:10

you can see there's old chairs the chairs are like wooden and kind of just uncomfortable looking

00:48:17

this was not a place of luxury there's a small kitchen a small upstairs area as well yeah i uh

00:48:25

is there like a living room i can go sit in you're in the parlor yeah oh i'm probably yeah there's a

00:48:29

little old uh i'm looking around and i can find a little old uh uh a little uh little baking kit

00:48:35

that I had. What was it? The Easy Bake

00:48:37

Ovens that they used to have?

00:48:39

Yeah. Yeah, that's what this was.

00:48:41

It's right next to the couch. It's what I used to

00:48:43

eat out of.

00:48:47

So it's just like a little tin pan

00:48:49

and a little candle that you used to cook

00:48:52

underneath. Yeah.

00:48:54

Easy Bake Oven, definitely.

00:48:56

My Easy Bake Oven.

00:48:57

I need me Patchy's

00:48:59

Easy Bake Oven. Made with

00:49:01

the freshest dirt

00:49:03

cookies you could ever find.

00:49:06

and then I pull

00:49:07

can I pull out Neelix? Do I have to summon him?

00:49:10

No, he's in a bottle

00:49:11

Okay, I gotta talk to Neelix, so I'm gonna summon him

00:49:15

and

00:49:16

yeah

00:49:17

What's he looking like these days?

00:49:19

Is he still dressed up?

00:49:22

Neelix

00:49:23

he has like a business

00:49:25

80s businesswoman attire on

00:49:27

so he's got like really big shoulder pads

00:49:29

and like really big earrings

00:49:31

and when he walks, he kind of walks like this

00:49:35

he's got shoulder pads you said yeah big shoulder pads like big 80 shoulder pads like a big blazer

00:49:41

and a matching skirt set uh big buttons like everything's just large and oversized and if

00:49:47

the world wasn't so gray and dingy and he wasn't a ghost it would be very vibrantly colored

00:49:54

well well well don't you look magnificent

00:49:58

Yes.

00:50:00

I find the shoulder pads make me appear taller, more in charge.

00:50:05

Well, you better hope you're in charge because we've got a lot of talking to do.

00:50:11

Oh, I see.

00:50:13

Yes.

00:50:14

And I sit down on a broken down couch and it just collapses underneath me.

00:50:18

And I go, off.

00:50:22

Yar.

00:50:24

All right.

00:50:24

All right.

00:50:25

All right.

00:50:25

All right.

00:50:26

I'm fine.

00:50:28

So,

00:50:30

Neela,

00:50:31

huh?

00:50:33

When were you going to get around to telling me about that?

00:50:37

I didn't think my past life was any of my business,

00:50:41

anyone's business but mine.

00:50:42

So,

00:50:44

Neela,

00:50:45

you say?

00:50:46

Yes.

00:50:48

A house just got blown up all over that.

00:50:51

And,

00:50:51

uh,

00:50:53

I'm pretty sure they're looking at this,

00:50:55

this cult that is looking for you.

00:50:59

I thought we were friends.

00:51:00

I thought you were my trusted butler that I,

00:51:02

you know, and not just butler, but like,

00:51:05

you know, a good ghost buddy.

00:51:07

And here I am finding out

00:51:09

that you're half a fucking demon

00:51:11

and

00:51:13

could cause world domination,

00:51:15

maybe destruction. I don't even know

00:51:17

anymore.

00:51:19

So,

00:51:20

if I may be so bold

00:51:23

as to point out that

00:51:25

buildings were exploding long before this cult

00:51:27

brought into the mix.

00:51:31

That's besides the point. I want to know

00:51:33

why you didn't tell me the full truth.

00:51:36

Why you didn't warn me that the cult was going to come, that when I stole you,

00:51:39

that the cult that I was working for, that I didn't even know about.

00:51:44

I don't know why you didn't tell me this. I thought we were friends.

00:51:47

Sir, you stole me. I didn't know you were working with a cult.

00:51:51

That's true.

00:51:53

Yeah, my brain does get addled from the drinking.

00:51:56

I was with Adric Sink.

00:51:59

I was with Adric and Captain FitzClyde.

00:52:03

And you stole me.

00:52:05

And I looked at you and, well, I could see that deep down you were just a lonely, scared little child.

00:52:14

And, well, I've been there, sir.

00:52:15

And I thought somebody needs to look after this man.

00:52:17

He's not going to be able to do it himself.

00:52:20

And I stepped in.

00:52:22

And you've always been a good friend, sir.

00:52:23

And I've always appreciated that.

00:52:26

And, well, me and Nila, we go way back.

00:52:29

Way back.

00:52:31

You know how long you're thinking?

00:52:32

Think even longer.

00:52:36

Well, I guess there's a point in every man's life when he needs a butler.

00:52:42

Every man needs a butler.

00:52:44

So I'm just mad because it's been a rough night.

00:52:49

I saw me papa in a vision.

00:52:53

Your papa, sir?

00:52:54

My papa.

00:52:55

That neglectful bastard.

00:52:59

And, uh, I'm having very weird feelings, and I'm very conflicted, and I'm very angry and upset about things.

00:53:06

Is that why we're here, sir?

00:53:09

Well, I remember...

00:53:11

I don't know how, I don't know why, but I've been remembering some fun facts about me life recently.

00:53:18

And, uh, it's got me thinking about where I come from, and...

00:53:22

I decided to come home.

00:53:25

I still remember the day I broke out of here.

00:53:28

And I had to break out of here because Papa, you know, left some hot dogs in the sink and told me,

00:53:36

Good luck, son.

00:53:38

I'm going to work.

00:53:40

And he left.

00:53:40

And I had to break out the window to go follow him.

00:53:43

But that was the last time I ever really came home.

00:53:47

The door didn't work, sir?

00:53:50

Oh, he locked it.

00:53:51

I assume.

00:53:52

I didn't actually check.

00:53:54

Either way, a broken window is always a better way of sneaking out.

00:53:57

I mean, it's just classic sneaking out.

00:54:00

The good news is he's been looking up at all of the broken windows,

00:54:05

and, like, almost every single one of them is broken.

00:54:07

In fact, every single pane of window is broken.

00:54:10

He goes, well, at least no one's going to know what you've done.

00:54:16

Yes, well, me papa, you know,

00:54:20

He abandoned us.

00:54:23

He abandoned me.

00:54:25

And then he died.

00:54:28

And I don't know how to feel about that.

00:54:31

Only I hate that Captain, Adric Fitzglide.

00:54:34

I know he did it.

00:54:35

I just know he did it.

00:54:37

Yes.

00:54:38

Yes, you have spoken of this to me sometimes.

00:54:43

Well, when I'm drinking.

00:54:44

But tonight I saw him.

00:54:45

I saw him.

00:54:46

He told me to man up.

00:54:49

And if that man

00:54:50

tells me to man up,

00:54:51

I don't know what to say.

00:54:55

What do you think he means by that?

00:54:59

I don'T know.

00:55:01

But I know.

00:55:04

But I know

00:55:04

I cannot let you go back to Neela.

00:55:07

I don't like that.

00:55:08

No, that would be terrible.

00:55:10

No, absolutely not.

00:55:12

That would be very bad.

00:55:15

Very bad.

00:55:17

Alright, alright, alright.

00:55:18

Yar, yar, yar. I hear you. I hear you.

00:55:20

Fine. All right. I didn't want to do it anyway.

00:55:22

I was just saying I don't want to do it.

00:55:24

Ask her why.

00:55:26

But why?

00:55:30

Neelix looks out the window

00:55:32

and he goes, after a long

00:55:34

pause,

00:55:36

have you ever felt in your life

00:55:38

like there was something missing?

00:55:41

Constantly.

00:55:42

You're asking the man who has amnesia

00:55:44

periodically, and I don't even know

00:55:46

if it's from drinking or just from the hit on my

00:55:48

kid yes i know what it's like to be missing something well most people go through their

00:55:53

life looking for it wanting to know trying to search for it what is it where is it where can

00:55:58

i find it how can i buy it what do i want well i know what's missing in my my other half literally

00:56:05

i know what i'm missing and and even though sometimes i miss nila and i miss well her passion

00:56:13

her rage.

00:56:16

I don't miss the worst parts of her.

00:56:19

I miss her all the time,

00:56:21

but I feel like I just had to grow to accept it.

00:56:25

Accept that there's going to be a part of me that's missing.

00:56:29

And maybe it doesn't matter.

00:56:30

Maybe nothing's really missing.

00:56:32

I'm just different than how I used to be.

00:56:36

But if I were to combine with Neela,

00:56:41

It would be one of the worst things to happen.

00:56:45

When the two of us get together, we just become this really toxic, really nasty force.

00:56:53

And you're thinking, oh, you bring out the worst of each other.

00:56:56

And that's true.

00:56:58

But also figure, literally, we probably, our essences combined could probably just kill people from the smell and the fumes of it.

00:57:11

Well, we definitely want people dying from fumes. That's definitely for sure.

00:57:18

I appreciate everything you've done, sir.

00:57:21

I don't want to lose you or lose your friendship or kindness or the kindness of the other people on our ship, our crew.

00:57:28

I've really grown to appreciate it, but I won't join with her willingly.

00:57:33

No, I don't want you to either.

00:57:34

Look, Neelix, you've been the only one who's been consistently loyal to me.

00:57:38

Now, I know you're like me, butler and all.

00:57:41

but like yes i've never found to you yes but man it's been it's been very comforting to have you

00:57:49

even through my rages me drunkenness me me amnesia you don't ever question it and i appreciate it and

00:57:57

i will die before i let that happen to you i'm just feeling very weird right now because everyone

00:58:02

else has abandoned me except for me papa and me except for you and you know me crew me me cabin

00:58:11

so you're co-captains sir co-captains yes i forget i'm a captain oh i forgot no no they're

00:58:21

captains too that's right they are captains the best captains i know the best captains i ever knew

00:58:31

well i'm glad that you have them and i'm sorry you feel like you've been abandoned but

00:58:37

Just make sure you don't abandon them, too.

00:58:43

I think I need to talk to Captain Fitzglyde.

00:58:54

So we are in...

00:58:57

We're in Chuckles' laboratory.

00:58:59

I remember looking a lot more grand than this.

00:59:03

This looks like a dump.

00:59:06

No, I think that's kind of how it's always been.

00:59:13

Lady High Hill, in all of her politeness, doesn't seem to mind whatsoever.

00:59:21

And she walks into your room very delicately.

00:59:23

And it's got a lot of stuff on the walls and a lot of, you know, things from the ceiling.

00:59:29

She kind of has to, like, avoid her horns from getting tangled in something.

00:59:34

But she sits on what she believes to be a bed, some sort of soft surface, and kind of pats the spot next to her.

00:59:44

Usually it's a lot cleaner in here.

00:59:45

I think the ghosts have been messing around with it.

00:59:49

Oh, more hazing, I believe.

00:59:52

Yeah.

00:59:52

They really shouldn't be hazing the captain, but interns these days.

01:00:01

I've been meaning to talk to you.

01:00:02

I know our letters have been brief, but so meaningful to me and so comforting with this distance between us.

01:00:17

Yes.

01:00:20

Well, I've been thinking it might be time for me to see the world a little, you know?

01:00:26

You mean settle down, have a couple of ugly goblin children.

01:00:32

Well, no, kind of the opposite, in fact.

01:00:35

I've been thinking of maybe...

01:00:37

Beautiful goblin children.

01:00:39

Traveling.

01:00:41

On a boat.

01:00:43

Well, with you, yes, of course, with you.

01:00:46

On this boat?

01:00:48

Well, a boat would be nice.

01:00:51

On this boat?

01:00:53

Yes, I was wondering, I mean, I, of course, would want to talk to the rest of your crew

01:00:58

and, of course, all the rules and stuff on board.

01:01:01

But if everyone's amenable, it might be nice to travel and see distant places.

01:01:09

She's trying to move in.

01:01:10

She's trying to move in.

01:01:11

Oh, that's going to put a real kink in my style.

01:01:15

Kink?

01:01:18

Yes.

01:01:21

Oh.

01:01:24

Well, I mean.

01:01:25

No, I would love to have you.

01:01:27

And then I start moving all of the debris from the bed shaped furniture that

01:01:33

you're laying on.

01:01:35

You could stay here.

01:01:37

Well,

01:01:37

I mean,

01:01:37

not here,

01:01:39

here.

01:01:39

Exactly.

01:01:40

I mean,

01:01:40

I would of course insist on my own rooms and my own,

01:01:43

you know,

01:01:44

have a job aboard.

01:01:45

I'm,

01:01:46

I'm more than capable and a handful of things.

01:01:49

Like what?

01:01:51

Make our power monkey.

01:01:55

Like what?

01:01:58

well uh administrative tests for example have you noticed the number of parking tickets

01:02:03

you have outside has anyone registered your boat with the port authority uh we did uh but not

01:02:11

entirely legally i think we stole the name of a boat called the cuddly crab um so yeah it's it's

01:02:18

under control but also we keep getting parking tickets that stupid intern was opposed that goes

01:02:25

Rodney was supposed to be taking all the parking

01:02:27

tickets off.

01:02:29

Oh, was he the one I saw with the little baby stethoscope?

01:02:32

Like baby's first stethoscope

01:02:33

earlier?

01:02:35

Yes. Wait, no.

01:02:37

That's not good.

01:02:39

No, no, it's Rodney.

01:02:43

He was with a bald guy. He was on the other end of the stethoscope.

01:02:46

Oh.

01:02:47

Oh, that guy. Yes, him.

01:02:50

He's really young.

01:02:53

But ambitious.

01:02:54

And also stupid.

01:02:55

because he keeps letting us get parking tickets.

01:02:58

But we'll fix him yet.

01:03:00

Well, I mean, I'm sure I can pick up other tasks, too.

01:03:03

I mean, I'm sure there's lots of rope coiling and sail folding and poop deck washing.

01:03:14

Oh, good.

01:03:14

We need someone to wash the poop deck.

01:03:16

Excellent.

01:03:17

Because that is rule number one.

01:03:20

However, hmm.

01:03:22

Don't take this the wrong way.

01:03:23

um why were you thinking this are you are you trying to escape something is your

01:03:31

is uh are you are you hard up for money no no not at all uh i still have a very healthy

01:03:41

allowance from my father but and dowry i presume and and a dowry it's just recently he's become very

01:03:51

fixated on me maybe you know settling down marrying having a couple of ugly goblin kids

01:03:59

nice nice yeah i don't really want that i i oh you know i not not right now anyway i mean it's

01:04:09

you know i'm i'm quite young i'm only you know 350 years old there's still plenty of time

01:04:16

Wow

01:04:17

I did not know that about you

01:04:18

Somehow that didn't come up

01:04:20

No

01:04:21

We'll have to talk to everyone

01:04:25

I'm sure they'll be fine with it

01:04:27

We're always taking on new interns

01:04:30

Intern

01:04:31

I was hoping for something a little bit higher

01:04:33

Than intern

01:04:35

Oh yeah but they're going to want you to earn it

01:04:39

Earn it?

01:04:41

No not like that

01:04:42

Oh okay

01:04:43

This is going great.

01:04:47

Oh, no.

01:04:47

I'd love to have you here, baby.

01:04:51

This sounds great.

01:04:52

I am really, really excited.

01:04:56

Well, I wouldn't have to clear it with the other captains.

01:04:59

I mean, you'll talk to them for me.

01:05:01

Or I could talk to them.

01:05:03

I could go talk to Squish right now if you'd like.

01:05:06

Yeah.

01:05:07

Maybe you should talk to Squish.

01:05:08

He's going to be the prickliest.

01:05:12

Oh, okay.

01:05:13

Well, I'm going to go do that then.

01:05:16

Yeah, I don't think I'd be any help.

01:05:19

So I'm not going to be there because all he does is just end up yelling at me.

01:05:23

So maybe you'll have better luck.

01:05:28

Well, all right.

01:05:30

I'll be back.

01:05:30

I mean, the last time we saw him, he was yelling at me that I couldn't eat the thing that he was presenting to us.

01:05:37

It did look good, though.

01:05:39

Yeah.

01:05:39

Yeah, I wish I could have tasted it.

01:05:41

Instead, he threw oatmeal at me.

01:05:44

well no it was a loaf of bread okay well it was thrown yeah you're welcome and i couldn't

01:05:51

throw it on me on you but just time to bake i'm just i'm just thinking because in my mind i was

01:05:58

imagining he was rolling his eyes when i said all he does is yell at me so um just you weren't there

01:06:06

I was not there

01:06:09

So

01:06:11

Anyway

01:06:11

Good luck with that

01:06:13

If you can sell Squish on it

01:06:16

That would be something

01:06:18

Squish where have you been

01:06:19

Hanging out

01:06:22

Up in the

01:06:26

With TD

01:06:27

Up in the crow's nest

01:06:29

Okay

01:06:30

Make sure I just

01:06:32

Can I talk to

01:06:33

Captain first

01:06:35

yeah

01:06:36

uh

01:06:38

captain I knock on your privy door

01:06:40

the one with the moon on it

01:06:42

oh you're not talking about me you're talking about the other captain

01:06:44

no I'm talking oh I'm sorry I'm talking about

01:06:46

Patches

01:06:47

Patches not there

01:06:49

oh Patches isn't there

01:06:51

then I'm going to call him up on the talkie walkie

01:06:54

Patches come in

01:06:55

Patches come in this is Juckles

01:06:58

yes this is Patches

01:07:00

wait

01:07:01

you don't sound too good

01:07:03

Are you going through a whole thing right now?

01:07:05

I'm going through a whole thing right now.

01:07:06

Oh, fuck.

01:07:07

Well, I'm going through a thing.

01:07:09

What's your thing?

01:07:11

Oh, boy, we got an emergency.

01:07:14

What's up?

01:07:15

Lady High Hill.

01:07:17

She wants to move into the boat.

01:07:21

That's a little fast, don't you think?

01:07:23

That's what I said.

01:07:24

But she's like, oh, no, I want to see the world.

01:07:27

Oh, no, that's...

01:07:30

No, that's code.

01:07:32

It is code.

01:07:32

She doesn't want to move in.

01:07:33

Now, let me ask you, she has to put her things in.

01:07:36

Does she have a toothbrush in there yet?

01:07:40

No, but she was reaching for one.

01:07:42

I talked her down from the toothbrush.

01:07:43

Oh, my God.

01:07:44

She gets a toothbrush in there.

01:07:45

We're screwed.

01:07:46

I know.

01:07:46

She doesn't, but get this.

01:07:48

This is perhaps the worst part in what we're going to have to figure out.

01:07:52

I offered her an internship position.

01:07:54

What?

01:07:56

Yeah, well, she, and no, that's not the worst part.

01:07:59

The worst part is she thinks she's overqualified for the internship position.

01:08:04

So I think she's aiming higher.

01:08:06

What's higher than internship?

01:08:08

Cabin boy?

01:08:10

I mean, we only really have three positions.

01:08:12

It's intern, cabin boy, and captain.

01:08:14

We'll have to come up.

01:08:15

We can come up with more, just so you know.

01:08:17

But it's okay.

01:08:19

Okay.

01:08:20

I can figure this.

01:08:21

We can figure this out.

01:08:21

We can figure this out.

01:08:22

Keep all of her luggage in her luggage.

01:08:25

Don't let her unpack her suitcase.

01:08:28

That way she thinks she's constantly traveling with us.

01:08:30

She hasn't moved in yet.

01:08:32

And keep that toothbrush and her towel in her luggage.

01:08:35

I can't stress that enough.

01:08:39

Two, we got to get paperwork.

01:08:41

You got to take her up some paperwork.

01:08:44

This is really going to put a kink in our whole system here.

01:08:48

What system?

01:08:49

Well, where we meet every time that there's a woman, I try to kiss on her.

01:08:54

That's true.

01:08:54

That's true.

01:08:55

You are.

01:08:55

Yes, I am a horn dog, a hound dog.

01:08:58

You're a ravishing lover.

01:09:00

I am a selfish

01:09:02

man.

01:09:04

Selfish man rules the world

01:09:06

sometimes. Listen, lad,

01:09:08

I'm going through the whole thing.

01:09:10

You're right. I don't have great reception

01:09:11

here. I can see the string. It's barely hanging

01:09:14

on.

01:09:16

Look, just keep her talking.

01:09:18

Don't let her put her shit

01:09:19

down.

01:09:21

Let's get some paperwork for her to fill out.

01:09:24

We got to get paperwork.

01:09:26

That's the number of the one thing I can tell you about

01:09:27

being a pirate is if you have paperwork

01:09:31

you can

01:09:32

you know just tell all you have

01:09:33

to fill out paperwork

01:09:35

all right

01:09:38

all right patches all right

01:09:40

good luck with your thing

01:09:41

probably should have asked but honestly I'm not

01:09:43

really interested right now no thank you for your

01:09:45

help patches out

01:09:48

patch

01:09:52

back on the main deck

01:09:54

squish you are

01:09:55

hanging out with Dee on the deck.

01:09:58

It's just the two of you kind of hanging out

01:10:00

in the crow's nest.

01:10:02

Yeah, just up in the crow's nest.

01:10:04

There she is, right there.

01:10:06

I'm hanging out there.

01:10:08

And you see

01:10:10

Lady Highhill.

01:10:12

She comes out from the stairwell

01:10:14

looking for you. She can't really

01:10:16

see you in the crow's nest.

01:10:18

If she knew you were there, obviously

01:10:20

she'd look for you, but she's kind of just looking for you

01:10:22

on the deck. You can see her looking

01:10:24

for you.

01:10:25

yeah but I'm just sitting there I'm gonna

01:10:27

keep smoking a cigarette

01:10:29

and uh

01:10:30

raise a glass of whiskey with Didi

01:10:33

you're right I don't think

01:10:34

I need her anymore

01:10:39

uh Didi goes

01:10:41

kind of a question mark

01:10:46

so then I raise my head above the crow's nest to see her

01:10:49

to see her like looking

01:10:51

around

01:10:52

and I hide at me and go

01:10:55

she's up here all alone.

01:10:56

I don't know what to do. I'm lost, man.

01:10:59

Dee Dee kind of like

01:11:01

also creeps over the edge

01:11:02

and just like

01:11:05

whoop, she's alone.

01:11:09

Throw a banana

01:11:11

at her. See what happens.

01:11:13

Dee Dee takes a banana

01:11:15

and she just chucks it

01:11:16

at Lady Highhill.

01:11:19

Uh-huh.

01:11:27

that network

01:11:31

it hits her um the banana kind of like hits her in the back of the head i just it hurts right which

01:11:38

is annoying and then it kind of slaps too um as it hits her and the peel falls to the ground

01:11:45

She kind of was like

01:11:47

And she goes

01:11:48

She didn't hear me laughing

01:11:50

And she sees Dee Dee just ducking underneath

01:11:52

At the last second

01:11:54

And rather you know

01:11:56

Still kind of rubbing her head

01:11:58

She pulls out her handkerchief

01:12:00

And she goes hello

01:12:02

Hello are you up there

01:12:05

Is anyone there

01:12:07

Who

01:12:10

I'm looking

01:12:10

I'm looking for Squish

01:12:14

Tarquish

01:12:15

and I look at Didi and go

01:12:18

oh no

01:12:20

Didi kind of

01:12:22

was like

01:12:24

what do I say

01:12:27

Luke

01:12:29

Luke

01:12:31

yeah I'm up here

01:12:33

oh you are

01:12:35

splendid

01:12:36

I need to talk to you

01:12:38

do you want me to come up

01:12:40

or are you going to come down

01:12:42

or we could do this here too I don't mind

01:12:44

I don't want to interrupt you.

01:12:46

No, you can come up, I guess.

01:12:50

So Lady High Hill goes to the rigging,

01:12:55

which is the only way to get up into the trodden.

01:12:57

She just sees a bunch of garbage

01:13:00

just shoveled off the side of it.

01:13:03

Yeah, as she climbs the rope ladder really shapely, too,

01:13:07

because those things are not easy.

01:13:08

And Lady High Hill is in a dress and a skirt.

01:13:12

She makes her way up there, and she goes,

01:13:15

I can see why you enjoy this.

01:13:18

It's quite magnificent views.

01:13:21

It's breathtaking, isn't it?

01:13:23

Well, I'm certainly finding it hard to breathe.

01:13:28

You'll get used to it.

01:13:29

You want a cigarette?

01:13:30

Oh!

01:13:30

Give her a cigarette.

01:13:33

No, no, I wouldn't want to impose, but...

01:13:39

Cigar?

01:13:40

Pipe?

01:13:42

Oh, no.

01:13:43

Oh, that's a pickup one that's going out of style.

01:13:45

Meanwhile, Dee Dee's doing the move with her coat where she's opening it up.

01:13:48

You know, cigar, cigarette, you know, anything.

01:13:53

No, Lady Highhill is like, oh, no, nothing for me.

01:13:58

In fact, I can't quite stomach this stuff, if you know what I mean.

01:14:02

But please continue.

01:14:04

I just wanted to speak to you for a moment.

01:14:06

I don't know what you mean, but okay.

01:14:10

Well, I was thinking about joining the crew on the ship.

01:14:17

And, you know, I know obviously that would be a little extra room.

01:14:21

You know, you have such a large...

01:14:22

This ship?

01:14:24

Yes, this ship.

01:14:25

That seems a very hard concept you have struggling with.

01:14:29

Yes, this ship.

01:14:33

Why?

01:14:35

Well, I just so badly want to see the world.

01:14:39

I've seen T-Tros and I've been around

01:14:41

and this isn't even my first time in Lockport

01:14:44

but there has to be so much more out there

01:14:46

so much more to explore

01:14:50

you do realize that this is like our third ship

01:14:55

and we've been out at sea for like a month

01:15:00

well

01:15:02

do the ships keep getting bigger?

01:15:08

they do

01:15:09

that a promotion?

01:15:13

I don't think

01:15:15

you should.

01:15:17

Well, I just

01:15:19

I guess

01:15:21

I guess what I'm asking is

01:15:23

if there's any, would be any

01:15:25

issues you could see with me being

01:15:27

on board and of course I would

01:15:29

assist in any way. I mean,

01:15:30

I don't, you work in the galley, I can

01:15:33

peel a potato or

01:15:35

skin a carrot or

01:15:37

I don't know any other vegetables besides that.

01:15:39

Do you know

01:15:41

how to peel a rutabaga?

01:15:42

Those are pretty big on this ship.

01:15:45

I mean, I'm certainly willing

01:15:46

to learn. I can't imagine it's

01:15:48

harder than any other root vegetable.

01:15:50

No, it's very, very easy.

01:15:54

But

01:15:54

I really, really don't think

01:15:56

you should join

01:15:58

this ship.

01:16:00

No, I don't think you should.

01:16:04

Oh.

01:16:05

Oh, I

01:16:06

I promise you I definitely

01:16:09

would pull my weight. I don't expect

01:16:10

to just get a free ride, of course.

01:16:12

That's not what I'm concerned about.

01:16:16

Is it

01:16:17

money? I'd be willing to pay.

01:16:20

Oh.

01:16:21

She does have money.

01:16:22

She does have money.

01:16:24

Well, see, now you're throwing an interesting

01:16:27

thing in there. Yeah, that's...

01:16:30

Squish will do

01:16:30

anything for money.

01:16:33

But I won't do

01:16:34

that.

01:16:38

no i still don't think you should you should be involved oh well darn that is rather not what i

01:16:47

wanted to hear uh can you tell me why i mean i i never thought there was anything wrong between us

01:16:54

you've always struck me as a decent demon

01:17:01

well i fancy a lady high hill

01:17:06

uh and and i don't i don't think you should be here

01:17:12

because i know you're committed to juggle sorry

01:17:19

jander i still don't know his first name

01:17:24

my my darling Charles Xander yeah yeah you're devoted to him

01:17:31

well yes of course I am I would never ever think of of hurting him

01:17:37

but I want to be I want to be like Charles Xander to you and I don't think it's right

01:17:46

I see

01:17:47

yes

01:17:50

well

01:17:51

that does

01:17:51

or even the Evelyn

01:17:54

to Jarl Xander

01:17:57

Evelyn

01:18:00

yeah you

01:18:01

know about Evelyn

01:18:02

well we met briefly

01:18:04

at the party before she

01:18:07

kidnapped me

01:18:09

yeah she was

01:18:11

being very flirty with

01:18:13

with Jarl Xander

01:18:14

Well, you know, a woman is, he is a desirable man.

01:18:18

I don't blame a woman for trying.

01:18:21

Yeah, but he was receptive.

01:18:25

What?

01:18:28

He, yeah, he also made a date with her to go to that party in case of you didn't show up.

01:18:38

Oh, I see.

01:18:40

Well, I had told him I was arriving.

01:18:43

I'm sure there was

01:18:46

just a misunderstanding

01:18:47

but as she says that

01:18:49

because you have the ability where you can

01:18:52

sense that people are lying

01:18:53

you can tell she's

01:18:55

lying just a little bit to herself

01:19:02

what is that

01:19:04

is that a bus

01:19:08

oh he's throwing you under it

01:19:12

yeah

01:19:14

Well, I, wow, this is news to me.

01:19:19

I mean, I...

01:19:20

It's not.

01:19:21

I can tell you're lying.

01:19:24

You thought it was always a possibility, and it is.

01:19:29

He's such a desirable man, such an attractive figure.

01:19:33

I'm surprised more women aren't interested in him.

01:19:36

There probably are.

01:19:39

Oh, gosh.

01:19:40

This is one we know of.

01:19:43

and I wouldn't feel right

01:19:47

going on

01:19:51

with all this going on with you

01:19:54

because I do really fancy you

01:19:56

and your position

01:19:58

and

01:20:01

Wow

01:20:03

I think I need to take a moment

01:20:06

to digest all of this

01:20:09

well thank you Squish

01:20:11

you really are a true

01:20:14

true demon a real

01:20:15

honest guy and when she says that she's gonna

01:20:18

take your shoulder

01:20:19

like give you a very gentle embrace

01:20:21

you know just thank you

01:20:23

you know really give you a nice

01:20:25

hug there

01:20:27

no reach around I get it

01:20:29

no reach around for sure

01:20:31

no kiss but definitely a very

01:20:33

a very warm embrace that

01:20:35

leaves you a little you know you can feel her

01:20:37

feel her arm on her shoulder

01:20:39

as she very hastily

01:20:41

and wobbly climbs back down

01:20:43

to the deck.

01:20:45

And as she gets to the deck,

01:20:47

I yell down, and the crepes were great.

01:20:50

Dee Dee loved them.

01:20:53

As she begins

01:20:55

to walk away, she slips

01:20:57

on the banana peel you had thrown at her

01:20:59

earlier.

01:21:01

Dee Dee threw it.

01:21:02

End of session.

01:21:04

Breaks her head.

01:21:05

No.

01:21:07

She very awkwardly gets up, dusts herself off, and disappears below deck.

01:21:12

Patches.

01:21:15

You have come back, I'm assuming, from shore.

01:21:20

From shore leave.

01:21:22

Yes.

01:21:23

Yes, I have.

01:21:27

What time of day is it?

01:21:30

It's late afternoon.

01:21:32

All right, and I get on the boat.

01:21:34

I'm like walking on the boat with a mission.

01:21:37

and uh all right and i get on the boat and uh is everyone here is everyone who's who's everyone at

01:21:44

so squish is up in the crow's nest lady high hill has gone back to her quarters

01:21:49

and uh chuckles you were in your laboratory have you since left that no i'm just sort of

01:21:55

sitting there staring at the back of the chair and uh contemplating what's going to happen next

01:22:03

just sitting there

01:22:04

legs dangling

01:22:06

yeah just like

01:22:08

she don't sleep you wait

01:22:10

I wonder what I'm sure squish

01:22:12

told her she couldn't be on the boat

01:22:14

and so I'm sure everything went

01:22:16

well no problems whatsoever

01:22:18

I'm sure that's what you want

01:22:21

that's only what squish said

01:22:24

so I get on the

01:22:26

I get on the boat and

01:22:30

where's captain Fitzclyde

01:22:32

Captain Fitzpatrick has made his own

01:22:35

bedroom. It is a

01:22:36

replica of his old captain's quarters

01:22:38

but in ghost form.

01:22:40

Okay, where's that at?

01:22:42

It's below deck.

01:22:44

I'm just going to call everyone on deck.

01:22:47

Juggles!

01:22:49

Squish!

01:22:51

You don't know what I'm saying.

01:22:53

Get down here.

01:22:55

We need to have it out.

01:22:56

We need to have a talk.

01:22:59

Juggles!

01:23:01

Juggles!

01:23:02

Captain's meeting

01:23:04

Captain's meeting

01:23:05

Alright I'm coming up

01:23:07

We're climbing down the Riggins

01:23:10

Hey Fitz Clyde

01:23:12

Captain's meeting

01:23:15

Is he a captain?

01:23:16

He was

01:23:17

I thought you demoted him

01:23:19

I thought you demoted him to cabin

01:23:21

Yeah but I mean he can come up

01:23:23

He'll come up for anything

01:23:25

It's true

01:23:27

As you say

01:23:30

Captain's meeting

01:23:31

below.

01:23:33

He comes out of the ground.

01:23:36

And then I also call out Neelix.

01:23:37

I pull out Neelix.

01:23:39

Neelix appears beside you

01:23:41

still in his business suit, his power suit.

01:23:43

Oh, yeah.

01:23:44

All right.

01:23:47

Fitz Clyde,

01:23:49

you killed

01:23:50

my father.

01:23:51

What?

01:23:52

You killed my father.

01:23:56

What?

01:23:57

What?

01:23:59

I followed you one night

01:24:00

and I saw you throw him into the water,

01:24:03

into the drink.

01:24:05

Son, I've killed a lot of people.

01:24:10

You killed me papa.

01:24:14

Me papa

01:24:17

Mackenzie.

01:24:18

Sorry, I don't...

01:24:19

A side note, I don't have a name for me papa.

01:24:22

He's just me papa.

01:24:23

Why does anyone know their parents' real names?

01:24:25

Yeah, yeah, me papa Mackenzie.

01:24:27

You killed papa Mackenzie!

01:24:33

I followed him

01:24:35

he abandoned us

01:24:36

he would come to your work

01:24:38

you employed him

01:24:40

and he would always work for you

01:24:42

and he never came home

01:24:43

and me mama was in a cult

01:24:45

and I got abandoned

01:24:46

and then when I followed him

01:24:48

I followed him to the dock

01:24:49

and I saw you throw his body into the ocean

01:24:52

do you deny it

01:24:55

no

01:24:58

Mackenzie

01:24:59

oh oh yeah yeah oh yeah that guy yeah yeah i killed him i killed your papa no for sure for

01:25:08

sure that's that's on me that's a bad one uh well hmm the turnip has turned you son of a bitch

01:25:19

now now wait a minute wait a minute i just want to say that you know he led a mutiny

01:25:28

he tried to mutiny

01:25:30

wait wait wait

01:25:32

me papa mutinied

01:25:36

yeah yeah he he tried

01:25:38

he tried you know getting everyone

01:25:40

together rallying them all together

01:25:42

overthrowing me

01:25:44

and I had to kill him you're right

01:25:46

that did happen I definitely

01:25:48

killed him and chucked him over the side of the boat

01:25:50

me papa was a mutineer

01:25:52

oh the worst kind

01:25:54

the worst kind he was always going

01:25:56

on talking about the rights of the people and and owning the means of production oh your papa was a

01:26:04

communist the papa was a communist wait so so you hired his son after after you mutinied

01:26:19

i didn't really recognize him you look a lot like your papa now but back then you were just a

01:26:24

scrawny little lad.

01:26:26

And I go by patches, you know, so

01:26:28

you know, I didn't go by my full name.

01:26:31

I didn't want you to know.

01:26:32

You killed me, father, and you're

01:26:34

a piece of shit for it.

01:26:37

And if I could kill you

01:26:38

again, I would.

01:26:40

Can I sneak up behind

01:26:43

him? Behind the

01:26:45

Cancer Fitzclive?

01:26:46

Yeah. And I've got

01:26:49

a flask of

01:26:51

holy water

01:26:53

because that's

01:26:54

alcoholic to me

01:26:57

has been established.

01:26:59

Yes.

01:27:00

I kind of want to

01:27:03

reach above

01:27:05

above

01:27:07

Ghost Captain

01:27:09

and just pour it on him.

01:27:12

As you pour it,

01:27:14

he watches it kind of like

01:27:16

drip on him and he goes,

01:27:20

okay,

01:27:21

you got to be wet.

01:27:22

Yeah, take that.

01:27:23

are uh and then the acid kind of starts eating through his ghost clothes and it eats up his his

01:27:31

coach and he goes so so what yeah yeah i kill your papa you kill me when does it end maybe my son will

01:27:39

come back and kill you you don't have a son is it me is juggles your son

01:27:48

no no lad i think of you as a son and he gives you a little hair toss and he goes but

01:27:53

But I don't have any children.

01:27:55

No, it's just talking about the cycle of violence

01:27:57

and how it's never ending.

01:27:58

Well, then it ends now.

01:28:01

It does end, because you're dead.

01:28:03

So I won, and me, Papa, gets the last word.

01:28:07

And me, Papa's last word was,

01:28:10

fuck you.

01:28:13

Look, I feel bad enough

01:28:17

for, you know, many things that I've done.

01:28:19

And I've killed a lot of different people.

01:28:25

the acid is like you

01:28:27

but not you three

01:28:29

I always treated you with kindness

01:28:31

and respect and that's what I asked for

01:28:33

in return

01:28:34

you tried to take over the world

01:28:37

you did try to kill us

01:28:39

yeah multiple times

01:28:41

you're a fucking liar

01:28:42

and you killed me

01:28:44

and you killed me

01:28:46

and you killed me papa the communist

01:28:48

fuck you

01:28:50

I'm a pirate

01:28:52

I'm a pirate

01:28:54

I lie

01:28:55

I cheat

01:28:56

I steal

01:28:57

I murder

01:28:58

I might pillage

01:28:59

I might

01:29:00

I might even commit a wee bit of arson here or there

01:29:04

I'm a pirate

01:29:06

and when you're a pirate you're in great company

01:29:09

when you're a professional pirate

01:29:11

you ain't no professional pirate

01:29:13

we did kill him

01:29:15

I feel like he's done his time

01:29:17

he's still a ghost and pissing me off

01:29:19

yeah but he can't

01:29:20

Yeah, he's pissing you off.

01:29:22

I'm not entirely sure.

01:29:24

Look, if it would make you feel better,

01:29:28

would you like something

01:29:29

of your father's?

01:29:32

Yeah, maybe.

01:29:35

Hold on one second.

01:29:37

And he disappears

01:29:39

beneath the grate.

01:29:43

And a couple seconds later, he comes up

01:29:44

and he's holding a box that says

01:29:46

lost and found.

01:29:47

Oh, no. And he goes, look, a lot of people have died on the ship.

01:29:51

And when they die, you know, they leave their goods and belongings behind.

01:29:55

And, you know, we've always just put them in the box for the lost and for the found.

01:30:00

And if somebody needs something, you know, like a toothbrush or something, you just go in the lost.

01:30:03

And anyway, here you go. Maybe some of the of your father's in here.

01:30:10

Well, I still hate you for killing me, Papa, but I'm going to go through your things.

01:30:14

And I still hate you for murdering me and for muting on me twice.

01:30:18

well who won who makes who writes the history books in the end i i feel like i feel like guys

01:30:24

are equals equals is uh uh holy water doing anything to him yeah he's been slowly kind of

01:30:33

fading out of existence this entire time um as he's having this conversation the holy water has

01:30:38

definitely damaged him um but he is inherently tied to this boat this boat is like his bonded

01:30:46

vehicle. So even though he's fading away and kind of disappearing, he is still alive in the sense

01:30:52

that he has a spirit tied to this ghost. So it's just burning him and hurting him. Yeah, no, it

01:30:58

hurts a lot. Good. It is it is quite painful. But yeah, so you take a look inside the

01:31:08

inside the lost and found. All right. What do I find? Do I search? Do I run a survey?

01:31:14

Yeah, run your survey.

01:31:16

The survey says, where's my piece?

01:31:25

Uh-oh.

01:31:25

Oh, I'm sorry. You're not on there. Hold on. Let me grab you.

01:31:30

My bad.

01:31:32

Sorry, grab me.

01:31:35

I got rid of everyone because, you know, they were

01:31:38

having a mow.

01:31:40

Doing the mowment things.

01:31:41

What am I...

01:31:43

survey says

01:31:49

show me potato salad

01:31:52

bang

01:32:00

sorry my computer is just a little slow

01:32:03

he got a six

01:32:05

yeah one

01:32:08

you find in there

01:32:10

a small square

01:32:15

box that's covered in paper.

01:32:17

And on it is handwriting

01:32:19

that you remember.

01:32:21

And it says,

01:32:22

Two Patches Love, Papa.

01:32:24

Me, Papa.

01:32:28

Okay.

01:32:29

I'm going to go through it.

01:32:32

When you open it up,

01:32:32

you see that this is a present

01:32:35

that your Papa had made ready

01:32:37

to send back home to you

01:32:39

after he had left

01:32:41

for me birthday?

01:32:41

Jack on the box.

01:32:43

After he had left.

01:32:45

For Christmas?

01:32:46

And inside is a signed picture.

01:32:49

It's a little note

01:32:52

that says

01:32:53

Dear Patches,

01:32:55

Miss you very much, buddy.

01:32:57

Wish you could be here.

01:32:59

Here's a little picture to remember me by.

01:33:03

It's a picture

01:33:05

of your papa.

01:33:09

hold on

01:33:11

why is he always doing this

01:33:16

oh yep there's no patches

01:33:19

the fat kid from episode one

01:33:22

sorry no

01:33:23

for some reason even when I open it

01:33:27

hold on

01:33:29

oh my god he looks insane

01:33:32

he looks like a less

01:33:34

a less busty version

01:33:36

of the character

01:33:38

on our boat.

01:33:40

There we go.

01:33:42

Me papa!

01:33:45

Me daddy.

01:33:48

Interesting.

01:33:49

And as the captain fades away and he goes,

01:33:51

as I recall, I believe we used him

01:33:53

as the model for the centerpiece

01:33:55

of the boat.

01:33:57

And you put big honking tits

01:33:58

on him?

01:34:08

I thought that was a woman.

01:34:14

I've been cranking my hog in that for weeks.

01:34:30

Oh, I'm not gonna lie.

01:34:32

I had no idea for fun facts tonight.

01:34:34

So I made Smitty up completely out of the fly.

01:34:37

Oh, did you?

01:34:39

Yeah, we had no idea.

01:34:40

What a surprise.

01:34:55

did you also make up upskirt kurt

01:35:01

i really wanted to hear about upskirt kurt no you were watching bob's burger and they're talking

01:35:06

about upskirt kurt so i stole from that like 10 minutes before the show started i didn't remember

01:35:11

I wasn't

01:35:14

paying that close attention

01:35:15

yeah it was Upskirt Curt

01:35:17

I stole it from Bob's Burger

01:35:19

I thought it sounded familiar

01:35:21

oh yeah

01:35:23

so we'll talk about Upskirt Curt at another time

01:35:25

he's a different old story

Don't Let Her Unpack Her Toothbrush