Episode 10

Season 2, Episode 10
March 8, 2023

00:00:00
you you yeah wasn't at the end like you were in the air we don't know if you're gonna hit it

00:00:25
yeah yeah that's where we left off and i we don't know if it's gonna be like scrooge mcduck where he

00:00:30
dives into the into it or like peter griffin and family guy where he like lands into it because

00:00:35
money doesn't work because money doesn't work like water

00:00:38
well uh andy are we leveling up we should yeah yes now i can use my because i ran out of i ran out

00:00:51
of pages on my level three and ran out of room on my level three page now i have level four

00:00:58
yeah we'll level up after you guys defeated all those automatons i feel like we really grew

00:01:06
as people you did you learned a lot uh we

00:01:11
uh well i guess we did oh it tastes better on the toilet i forgot my boyfriend died but you didn't

00:01:22
die i did you loved him i loved him and he loved me you burned him did i burn him if you electrified

00:01:32
his body until he lit on fire bramble i've been calling him brad i thought it was brimble

00:01:39
no brimble's my character on hogwarts oh wolfard brimley the guy with diabetes no he's dead

00:01:47
is he though is he dead yeah still diabetes got him yeah finally caught up with him

00:02:00
all right all right what are we doing all right so you leveled up after that all right so summer

00:02:10
your dexterity modifier becomes a plus four all right on level up

00:02:17
uh to level four level four yes and you said dex is is plus four plus four

00:02:30
so you should be at 17 for dexterity well right now it just says plus three so i'm gonna change

00:02:37
that to plus four yeah which would be seven should be 17 all right can i i'm just looking at your sheet

00:02:43
i'm i'm going over right now i'm in it you're you're gonna fix it yeah okay uh your attack bonus and

00:02:51
your damage for dexterity based attacks such as your lawn bone increased by one

00:02:57
my my my attack bonus is plus eight now for your lawn bow it'll be plus eight

00:03:05
i gotta go grab a pen to write that down all right bitch got him right in the pussy

00:03:20
got him what's that thing that people do in like like it's like out right in the pussy

00:03:26
no i don't know that there's like some kind of guy like dude that every now and then they'll like

00:03:31
that's like a like a it's like it's like when they used to do like

00:03:34
baba booey baba booey you're not supposed to say oh really yeah you're not supposed to say what

00:03:39
uh i got him in the pussy there's something like that your modifier to dexterity saving throws

00:03:48
increases by one yep which you really haven't done i don't even know what that means your

00:03:56
modifier to dexterity based skills increases by one don't know what that means either

00:04:02
uh while you wear light or no armor your armor classes increases by one nice so you should be at 16 yep

00:04:13
i already did the decks on mine and my sheet so

00:04:19
okay

00:04:26
nope

00:04:26
i updated your armor class and your initiative increases by one

00:04:36
diggity diggity diggity what does that mean

00:04:39
i don't know i don't see anything on here for it for initiative yeah

00:04:47
uh

00:04:52
i don't know i don't know how to do initiative just because the machine does it for us

00:04:56
oh it says right here i have it on the back here yeah your initiative increases by one

00:05:04
so what is it i don't know what that means

00:05:09
yeah i don't see uh there's not like a

00:05:17
oh oh it says initiative modifier there it is what is where

00:05:24
where do you see it any it's on your uh it's all the way to the right so if you click on your

00:05:33
oh i just see an initiative modifier under proficiency yeah so anytime you roll initiative you'll get plus

00:05:39
four instead of plus three but why was i getting that before what is it even based on

00:05:45
oh i see it there there's a spot for it on the on the on the sheet yeah

00:05:51
no on uh the paper sheet too i don't know yeah i saw okay

00:05:56
all right here tiger you'll also really enjoy this pen i bought

00:06:02
oh it's a hot dog it might be a hot dog if you can ride you got a

00:06:11
yeah cute yeah everyone loved it at the casino

00:06:16
it's a big hit you made a hit huh it was it was a big hit

00:06:22
does everyone want to talk about your little wiener

00:06:24
yeah they started calling it a little wiener and i got really offended horny

00:06:34
no i got really demotivated so i didn't find a new job so you quit

00:06:38
that that was doing for me too

00:06:41
all right so jerry oh his name is brimble

00:06:48
oh

00:06:55
all right all right you learned one more wizard cantrip of your choice oh goodness um

00:07:01
what are their cantrips save fireball i don't know if they're where do i find cantrips like

00:07:09
are they on that guy i gotta go online

00:07:17
i don't know it says your spell book contains these first levels oh

00:07:20
can't so i'm at i'm at 27 100 xp right sure i'm just looking at my shit i know let's just go with that

00:07:29
well we're not really counting points are we yeah we're not really counting it like that

00:07:33
yeah fair enough copying a spell into the book when you find a wizard spell you can add it to your

00:07:41
spell book if it is a level for which you have spell slots oh it doesn't help

00:07:44
so you've been carrying around a book this whole time yeah it's in my pocket it's in my pocket

00:07:54
it's a magical book

00:07:58
all right i don't know what cantrips uh yeah go ahead look up cantrips

00:08:07
i mean they they probably have them in i was just looking at the book and under cantrips it just says

00:08:13
tells me that it's something that you can pass without

00:08:16
no and i they probably haven't foundry oh is this can does a cantrip count as a spell

00:08:25
i think so it's a type of spell there's like two types cantrips are what i can do repeatedly

00:08:33
yeah without without using a spell slot yeah so it's important

00:08:38
i will be invisible

00:08:43
one of the best spells i mean i miss fireball but god damn invisibility

00:08:51
all right anson light lights is one of them mac would love that one

00:08:57
hey kid i'm a computer

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stop all the downloading

00:09:03
oh fireball is a spell yeah

00:09:08
so i've got dancing lights

00:09:12
dancing robot you create up to four torch sides lights within range making them appear as torches

00:09:19
lanterns are going orbs that hover in the air for the duration you can also combine the four

00:09:24
four lights into one gone vaguely humanoid form of medium size whichever form you choose each light

00:09:30
sheds dim light on a 10 foot radius

00:09:32
and you can move them

00:09:36
guidance

00:09:45
what is the one that you have ice wall of ice no ray of frost frost but he also has mage hand

00:09:52
pressed his press digitation

00:09:54
pressed the digitation and ray of frost yeah

00:09:58
press digitation is the dumbest thing i've ever fucking seen you could probably

00:10:02
uh you have guidance which is you touch one willing creature once before the spell ends the target

00:10:08
can roll a d4 and add the number rolled to one ability check of its choice

00:10:12
oh fire bolt is a cantrip i might get fire bolt

00:10:16
just because i could use some fire bolt and you know

00:10:21
fireball is a third level spell

00:10:24
where are you getting these from it's they're in foundry i just typed in fire

00:10:34
like where'd you type it in at uh if you go you know like where the chat is

00:10:41
yeah yeah yeah and compendium there's a there's a spells one

00:10:47
oh it's under let's see where where is that item and then just keep scrolling it's towards the bottom

00:10:55
spells and then srd which is standard rules dictionary or something

00:11:01
what the hell oh he's pissed

00:11:09
did you find it no oh uh no it says like resistance which is an

00:11:14
a

00:11:15
abjuration cantrip it just says you touch one willing creature once before the spell ends the

00:11:21
target can roll a d4 and add the number rolled to one save and throw of its choice okay it can roll

00:11:28
roll the dive of four after it makes a save and throw let me see what you touch

00:11:36
oh here sacred flame

00:11:38
sacred flame flame like radiance descends on a creature within range that you can see the target

00:11:45
must succeed on a dexterity saving throw or take 1d8 raging damage the target gains no benefit from

00:11:51
cover for the saving throw that's pretty cool

00:11:54
figure you might like that i don't remember like the other ones you suggested because i don't

00:12:03
they weren't that good

00:12:04
and the d that the spell thing i will get it's not working for me it's like not searching

00:12:11
fire enter

00:12:14
no nothing's coming up or which are you sure it's it's not the one that says ddb spells right it is

00:12:23
okay not that one don't don't pick that one pick keep scrolling down there's one that spells it

00:12:28
it starts with s there's nothing before it oh srd yeah i don't know what the ddb i think ddb that's

00:12:36
dnd beyond you like import them

00:12:38
is there any any of them that gives your daughter bigger boobs

00:12:49
uh astral projection yeah bark skin project me a bigger boob three just one yes no three i want a

00:13:03
third one oh you just want one additional boob that's bigger than the other two oh man i wish i

00:13:09
that's freakishly that's i mean they're not all they're not all cantrips they'll say cantrip

00:13:16
underneath or you could have the

00:13:20
the maturgy

00:13:22
ball maturgy

00:13:24
where does it say cantrip at so if you open it up there's like three columns right underneath the like

00:13:31
the name yeah and so if it says like eighth level or some other level that's not a cantrip that's the

00:13:39
same column that it'll say cantrip is the cantrip the first one

00:13:42
because i'm not seeing if it's saying so far none of the ones i've picked to say cantrip it's kind of

00:13:53
like it's kind of hard for me to tell which ones are cantrips and which ones aren't yeah

00:14:00
but you want that the srd skills right that's where i'm at yeah

00:14:04
magic am i right guys yeah so open up like what was it dancing lights yeah

00:14:12
yeah dancing lights is a cantrip you you'll see it there okay cool

00:14:19
those are the ones that i read off are the ones that you could get

00:14:24
oh you can't get any of them you can't take any of them

00:14:28
whatever's in in this book oh so then you shouldn't even be looking in here

00:14:32
he's gonna get well no because i can look them up and uh oh okay

00:14:36
can you give me the and read it can you give me the names again

00:14:40
so there was dancing lights dancing dancing robots

00:14:44
yeah dancing robots

00:14:46
dancing lights

00:14:51
okay uh guide guidance guidance guidance

00:14:59
uh light

00:15:12
well you already have mage hand so i don't need that

00:15:15
uh press uh you're ahead press identification

00:15:20
red cross you have resistance

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rise of

00:15:26
yes sacred flame

00:15:29
oh sacred flame

00:15:33
that's that's the one i figured you would want to take

00:15:34
it sounded pretty cool actually

00:15:36
i didn't see this one shocking grasp

00:15:38
is that where i grab you

00:15:41
it's it is

00:15:44
oh it's like it's like the emperor palpatine but he has to touch you

00:15:47
what

00:15:48
is that all of them uh no there's one more where it was

00:15:54
uh

00:15:55
uh

00:15:55
uh

00:15:55
thaumaturgy

00:15:57
oh

00:15:58
all right

00:15:59
see tiger spell that one

00:16:00
no

00:16:05
thaumaturgy

00:16:07
that doesn't help that's exactly what i wrote

00:16:11
no thou

00:16:11
oh

00:16:13
that was a b

00:16:14
thaumaturgy

00:16:17
what is this transmutation you carry one of the magical effects

00:16:21
you cause flames to flicker

00:16:24
you cause harmless tremors in the ground for one minute

00:16:28
you cause an unlocked door or window to fly open or slam shut

00:16:32
what is this that's what mage hand would do

00:16:34
you alter the appearance of your eyes for one minute

00:16:40
eyes are off

00:16:41
tiger t-h-a-u

00:16:44
oh

00:16:44
m-a-t-u-r-g-y

00:16:48
oh man i i like i missed every single vowel

00:16:52
t-h-a-u

00:16:55
yeah okay

00:16:56
matt

00:16:58
urgy

00:16:58
sacred flame

00:17:03
i figured you'd probably want the sacred flame but

00:17:10
um

00:17:11
yeah probably i mean that does

00:17:13
i mean this

00:17:14
thought energy could

00:17:15
seems like it could be

00:17:16
useful

00:17:18
so

00:17:20
it was just

00:17:20
dancing robots

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what's that the shocking grass

00:17:29
shocking

00:17:31
shocking is it shocking grasp or shock and grasp

00:17:42
got him by the grass

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got him by the pussy

00:17:47
that one's

00:17:47
i don't think you can say that

00:17:49
oh thanks trump

00:17:55
i don't think you ever should have said it

00:17:56
fine i won't ever say it jesus

00:17:59
yes you will you'll say we're never gonna we're never gonna get to the end

00:18:05
told you

00:18:06
thanks obama

00:18:07
remember when that was a thing

00:18:11
yeah

00:18:12
i miss i missed that man

00:18:13
he's still alive

00:18:21
i so

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i'm gonna do shocking grass shocking grasp for this one

00:18:31
because that sounds pretty cool and i like lightning fingertips

00:18:33
shocking

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grass

00:18:36
these are all level four spells right

00:18:43
yeah

00:18:44
i don't think

00:18:45
wait hold on do they have levels if they're cantrips

00:18:50
yeah because that uh

00:18:52
when you reach fifth level it's 2d8 instead of one

00:18:54
oh

00:18:56
okay

00:18:57
and i i just get the one cantrip right

00:19:00
yeah

00:19:01
lightning springs from your hand

00:19:03
you have other stuff

00:19:04
what

00:19:05
you have other stuff coming too

00:19:07
ooh

00:19:08
no i mean it's not nothing like that

00:19:10
is it more spiders

00:19:12
more spiders is that what you said

00:19:16
yeah

00:19:19
all right your intelligence increases to 18

00:19:21
your intelligence modifier becomes plus four which is exactly what just happened

00:19:33
your spell slaven throw dc increases by one

00:19:38
your bonus for for your spell attacks increases by one

00:19:45
so do i mean i have to add a bonus and a modifier to my attacks from here on out

00:19:54
uh instead of saying plus two you just you just add plus three

00:19:58
bad

00:20:00
your modifier to intelligence saving throws increases by one

00:20:06
and your modifier to intelligence based skills increases by one

00:20:10
so we really haven't done much of that

00:20:13
yeah that's a that's a little

00:20:15
i don't know what's going on i just want my lightning fingertips

00:20:18
yeah but now you can

00:20:23
you have four first level spells

00:20:29
and three second level spells you can cast

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and tiger roll me

00:20:36
tender

00:20:39
no

00:20:41
uh what is it for one d10 plus two

00:20:44
four first level spells and what was the other second three second level spells

00:20:50
and can i i can i have those loaded up at all at once so i have like that means i have like what seven

00:20:55
uh yeah okay yeah but yeah so you can only cast

00:21:00
four of them at what at the first level three yet

00:21:03
second level

00:21:05
okay tiger your hp goes up by six points yeah

00:21:13
yeah

00:21:13
so you're now at 31

00:21:17
i was wondering if my hp was gonna go up

00:21:25
yeah i just thought about that uh boo roll me one d6 plus two

00:21:41
twenty seven hundred

00:21:42
nice

00:21:50
so your

00:21:54
your max hit points go up by eight

00:21:59
okay so my max hit points were i don't remember

00:22:07
14 14 14 so up by eight yep so you're at 22

00:22:11
ooh blackjack

00:22:16
nailed it

00:22:18
i'll never go to the casino

00:22:21
oh so close

00:22:24
well there i think there's like a spanish blackjack where

00:22:28
oh no it's for the dealer if the dealer gets 22 then everybody pushes

00:22:34
they push them down

00:22:35
they fight them

00:22:36
they just attack them

00:22:39
just attack them automatically

00:22:41
oh

00:22:42
shit

00:22:42
okay you guys ready for

00:22:48
the treasure treasure room

00:22:50
that you're diving into

00:22:52
diving into

00:22:54
i'm still kind of shocked i

00:22:56
you know what i'm taking it a little bit harder

00:22:59
brimble's death than you might expect

00:23:01
his name wasn't brimble

00:23:03
it's always been brimble

00:23:06
i don't think

00:23:07
he's just been calling him brad

00:23:09
i've been calling him brad that was my pet name for him

00:23:11
i mean you don't listen to me and respect me as a woman

00:23:14
i try to but then you do things like this

00:23:18
where you fall in love with

00:23:19
this all happening while you're midair

00:23:20
jerry

00:23:22
oh no

00:23:23
you are like

00:23:24
this is just backwards talk

00:23:27
we've had this discussion before

00:23:28
he saw how sad you are so he cast mage hand on himself to hold himself up

00:23:35
make sure you're fine

00:23:36
is that can i do that because that is that made that

00:23:39
no

00:23:40
no

00:23:40
main champion can only hold like

00:23:44
i think it's like 15 pounds

00:23:46
well so you're nuts

00:23:48
all right

00:23:51
uh jerry give me a

00:23:54
athletics check

00:23:56
yeah baby

00:24:09
all right you dive right into it

00:24:11
yeah baby

00:24:12
you slid right in

00:24:14
baby

00:24:15
like a glove

00:24:16
yeah i already read off the description you guys right

00:24:19
no

00:24:20
well maybe i don't remember

00:24:22
you were pissed about like you get what we're supposed to

00:24:25
because my boyfriend died

00:24:27
oh yeah

00:24:27
he wasn't your boyfriend he didn't even know your name

00:24:29
yeah what am i supposed to spend this on we haven't even come to a store yet

00:24:34
this room looks a whole lot like the movie about that weirdo with the candy factor

00:24:39
the scene with the with all the kids where the one gets sucked up into the pipe remember that

00:24:45
it's like that

00:24:46
and treasure everywhere there's a massive treasure chest perched on a toadstool

00:24:52
in one of the corners of the room the chest is made of wood the toadstool is

00:24:55
made of sapphires a geyser of gold and platinum coins cascades from a fountain

00:24:59
in the wall

00:25:00
forming a makeshift river of fortune that bisects the room

00:25:05
a bridge across the river is made of diamonds and trees along its banks are glitter and rubies

00:25:13
gorgeous emerald meadows cover the rest of the room glittered with flowers crafted

00:25:17
from a percolescent white material probably pearl all things considered

00:25:25
donuts

00:25:26
uh wow gold

00:25:31
and rubies and gems come on in summer it's great the temperature is perfect i'm not sure i want to roll

00:25:42
for anything it never turns out my way but i'm gonna take this and i grab some earrings

00:25:47
from a tree an earring tree of gold

00:25:54
gold earrings you know what the pearl the diamond the pearl diamond gold earrings

00:26:01
okay

00:26:02
i'm just back stroking through the uh through all the money and uh you know really i'm really trying to

00:26:10
pretend like i'm scrooge mcduck right now and not jerry as cure terrified of his mind

00:26:18
that's all you want to do yeah i'm oh i'm pocketing a bunch you're okay yeah you're probably breathing

00:26:24
some of it in yeah yeah but you spit it out no for later you know for pooping

00:26:31
thanks gold pooping i have my fiber with my cheerios

00:26:38
all right you just gonna chill out here for the rest of your life

00:26:45
i mean um i don't have a really good reason to continue but i don't really have a good reason to

00:26:52
stay so i'll continue pocket as much money as possible i want you out of my house

00:26:59
and nobody wants to explore this giant chest in the i'm going to explore the giant chest i run up to it

00:27:08
all right roll a d4

00:27:11
all right

00:27:14
so we roll wait there was a giant chest i said it i wasn't listening there's a massive

00:27:22
treasure chest perched on a toadstool in one corner of the room i didn't know what a toadstool was

00:27:27
it's a mushroom oh it's a stool dude so my dad has a he go when he goes to the doctor he brings with

00:27:36
him he asked the doctor sample sample and he pulls out a little glass jar with a tiny stool in it

00:27:42
oh and he's been doing that for years yeah i know he had a he had like five of them on his desk when

00:27:48
he had an office and then i found out he did it to my dentist once

00:27:51
charming man anyway continue what if he said go on smell it

00:28:01
all right you rolled a three yeah is that good so you open the lid and inside is a top hat made of

00:28:10
gold worth no no no no no you can't give that to him he's gonna abuse it this head where grants it

00:28:20
swear a plus five bonus to all saving throws

00:28:24
top hat we're never gonna hear the end of this gold what does it have in it sapphires

00:28:34
no no it's just made no he said spiders plus five to all saving throws yeah cool i'll take that

00:28:42
and it's full of spiders it's cursed it's full of spiders yes no and you have to eat them spiders no one said that

00:28:50
listen to this god not the old one oh you said sapphire

00:28:59
no one said sapphire i thought you said spiders oh oh we're never gonna finish now what do i get all

00:29:12
from what this the tree that i pulled these earrings from you get the earrings all right sweet

00:29:19
can i look in the chest too yeah roll a d4

00:29:24
oh

00:29:35
oh two you see nothing because jerry already opened it

00:29:39
no but did he find anything for me maybe he should roll

00:29:42
no he already rolled

00:29:45
roll a d4

00:29:47
you know what all right give me roll a d20 for me

00:29:51
go top i feel like this is not going to turn out well for me

00:29:56
this is some kind of ruse

00:29:59
oh you almost got a 20 uh no you definitely don't see anything

00:30:08
but i get to keep the earrings yes and the spiders on you

00:30:12
does there what spiders

00:30:14
the spiders from jerry's hat there are no spiders in jerry's hat but you do have a ring

00:30:23
uh no it was a fabergé spider yeah

00:30:28
i thought it was a ring

00:30:31
the spider spider what the fuck is that now i gotta i'm gonna google that

00:30:37
you were already googling gold top hat

00:30:41
we all know you were doing that yeah i found a few good pictures i haven't thrown up yet

00:30:46
okay so are you staying in this room leaving what

00:30:51
uh

00:30:53
no i mean i feel like we have to we have to go on that's what he would have wanted oh my god they're

00:31:00
real real yeah there was one on pawn stars that's what's showing

00:31:04
anyway yeah it was worth like 65 000 or something oh how does it translate to gold pieces

00:31:13
uh it's about

00:31:15
125 gold pieces

00:31:21
bitching

00:31:22
yeah all right we should we should go on that's that's what he what he would have wanted

00:31:28
who brad

00:31:31
slash brimble

00:31:34
that guy again honey yes you gotta move on

00:31:37
i'm trying to move on he would have wanted me to move on

00:31:41
yeah i know let's go let's just move on there's more fish lots of fish

00:31:47
let's go get some salmon all right

00:31:51
all right so you leave the room yeah we're looking for salmon now i'm looking for trout

00:31:59
good one all right trouser trout oh no as you try to leave the room

00:32:05
three four foot tall orange people

00:32:09
burst through the door do all the characters now just look like that blonde lady with the scarf

00:32:15
all the comments

00:32:18
they burst through the door and slam the door behind them and then they attack

00:32:25
are we are we still with the why can't we just like not fight for a little while

00:32:31
i just got ahead i just got a hat on my head i just got ahead

00:32:35
they listen roll for initiative

00:32:39
i'm not gonna happy about it no i'm not happy either i don't even know how to do it

00:32:53
14 all right

00:32:56
commoners summer is first i'm gonna light them on fire

00:33:02
is before we start am i uh just so i know uh is all my spells recapped off from last time or am

00:33:09
i still okay i'm just gonna redo all the spells i had for that you had a revigorating swim

00:33:18
that's exactly it a revigorating swim

00:33:21
i don't think that's a word isn't it reinvigorating

00:33:27
magic

00:33:28
all right uh

00:33:33
i am going to longbow them

00:33:39
you can't you can't umbow all of them i can try

00:33:42
if

00:33:43
i

00:33:45
maybe if you're standing in a line

00:33:48
okay go ahead try

00:33:51
i get no i'm not gonna try i'll just shoot the

00:33:54
bitchiest one

00:33:55
all right all right i'll assume that is this one right here

00:34:03
here they all look the same to me they are exactly the same

00:34:07
roll a d20 please plus seven plus eight sorry oh that's just damage

00:34:22
yeah 24 all right what is your

00:34:25
so roll a d10 plus three blows her tits off jesus christ

00:34:33
so doing nine damage and that one is dead yeah wow we're so powerful

00:34:48
this other commenter seeing that goes up and attacks

00:34:51
summer i'm summer

00:34:55
you are correct

00:34:58
have a cookie

00:34:59
i'm assuming that is not going to hit no we're too powerful

00:35:12
okay jerry it's your turn

00:35:18
uh i'm oh lightning fingers these guys

00:35:21
oh lightning

00:35:24
yes

00:35:26
can trip city

00:35:28
shocking grass leave it

00:35:30
shocking gramp

00:35:34
shocking gramp

00:35:36
all right all right roll one d8

00:35:46
okay

00:35:46
i don't know id8

00:35:47
not an id8

00:35:50
seven

00:35:52
doing seven damn it wait which one did you attack

00:35:55
the one that's nearest uh summer

00:35:57
okay oh thanks dad

00:35:59
and that one is dead

00:36:01
yeah

00:36:01
oh my god

00:36:02
so this one's

00:36:03
that's make sure make sure you guys recognize i did it with my hands like

00:36:07
yeah

00:36:08
it's it's called shocking grass dude count dooku when he does it and like is he like if you watch

00:36:16
it he makes his hands like super straight like

00:36:18
yeah yeah he is a small spread out all right so the other one comes up and attacks

00:36:24
zap

00:36:25
jerry

00:36:26
no

00:36:26
oh

00:36:29
uh i'm gonna long bow him too

00:36:34
it's not your turn

00:36:35
okay that is not gonna hit either now it's my turn

00:36:40
now it is your turn

00:36:41
uh

00:36:44
i assume you're going to long bow

00:36:46
yeah

00:36:47
okay i have unlimited arrow

00:36:49
hey critical

00:36:51
yeah

00:36:53
he got a critical all right so roll

00:36:56
two d10s plus three

00:36:59
dope

00:37:04
again yeah it's my first day

00:37:09
all right

00:37:11
one is dead as well

00:37:15
you guys defeated that

00:37:17
it sucks that uh

00:37:19
to be a commoner i guess

00:37:21
yeah

00:37:23
commoner more like gone on her

00:37:26
all right as they fall

00:37:27
they all drop 1 000 gold pieces out of their pockets that they got from killing other adventurers

00:37:32
wow

00:37:34
so this guy's must have really sucked

00:37:36
3 000 gold pieces

00:37:37
whoa not all to you though

00:37:39
i have enough i have what you don't want money

00:37:43
i don't want money yeah but i don't want you to have it

00:37:47
what does that mean you become so greedy i'm not

00:37:51
greedy

00:37:51
you're greedy

00:37:53
i'm gonna take care of this money

00:37:55
you're irresponsible

00:37:56
and

00:37:58
and boy hungry

00:37:59
and boy hungry

00:38:01
so hungry

00:38:03
so

00:38:12
okay so now you guys are walking through the door

00:38:18
yeah why not

00:38:18
yeah why not

00:38:18
yeah okay

00:38:20
how much money did i take out of there

00:38:23
like

00:38:24
3 000 right

00:38:25
well well 3 000 from the losers and

00:38:28
don't give me a number

00:38:30
five

00:38:31
five gold

00:38:33
five gold that's what you got

00:38:34
in my pockets

00:38:35
that you took yeah

00:38:37
oh

00:38:38
five big pieces

00:38:42
i mean the gold coins are gold coins

00:38:45
one gold piece is worth one gold piece

00:38:48
we've literally we've literally never bought anything

00:38:52
we've

00:38:52
we have i have no idea what this is worth

00:39:00
17 dollars

00:39:01
and change

00:39:04
so you get 17 gold pieces

00:39:06
oh

00:39:07
so you have

00:39:08
3 000 and 17 gold pieces

00:39:10
i'll take it

00:39:11
all right

00:39:13
you're over

00:39:14
i'm not gonna argue

00:39:14
i had five the last time i talked

00:39:17
all right so as you walk through the door you hear a sinister laugh

00:39:24
and both give me a perception check

00:39:30
okay

00:39:34
percepts

00:39:36
percepts

00:39:37
percepts

00:39:38
both of you feel like

00:39:48
everything

00:39:50
every piece of treasure you took

00:39:52
from this entire dungeon is gone

00:39:54
wow

00:39:56
huh

00:39:58
every

00:39:59
wow

00:40:00
single

00:40:00
piece

00:40:01
even my bottle

00:40:03
this whole place sucks

00:40:04
even your earrings

00:40:05
and your fabergé spider

00:40:07
they disappeared

00:40:08
gone

00:40:10
what about my top hat

00:40:12
gone

00:40:14
the top hat

00:40:15
gone

00:40:16
every piece of treasure

00:40:18
and boo

00:40:20
or jerry you look down and you notice

00:40:23
this weird tattoo on your arm

00:40:27
kind of makes you look like a douche from the 90s

00:40:31
it's a tribal tattoo on your bicep

00:40:34
oh

00:40:35
wow

00:40:37
tribal

00:40:38
it really fills out your

00:40:41
is it like what your

00:40:42
is it like what your dad

00:40:42
does your dad have a tribal tattoo

00:40:45
i'm not like making fun

00:40:46
doesn't he

00:40:46
no

00:40:47
what does he got

00:40:49
that new

00:40:49
he's got a

00:40:50
he's got a cobra

00:40:51
he's got a cobra on one arm

00:40:55
roses on the other

00:40:57
and some god

00:40:58
and some god awful

00:40:58
off the wall

00:40:59
peace sign tattoo

00:41:01
that's vicious

00:41:03
it's it's

00:41:06
i mean it's

00:41:06
well done but it's a stupid tattoo

00:41:08
oh my god

00:41:10
what you don't agree

00:41:13
i would never say it so forcefully

00:41:15
oh he doesn't listen to this does he

00:41:19
he he might now

00:41:20
oh boy

00:41:26
well if he does listen to it

00:41:28
it's a fine tattoo

00:41:29
so what are you stupid you can't take

00:41:32
you can't just take this stuff

00:41:34
you're like that shitty grandpa who made his family do all the work

00:41:37
is this metaphor effective at all

00:41:39
i just wanted to give you stuff and take it away to make you rich

00:41:42
guy gags ricks

00:41:45
well that's not very nice

00:41:49
gary guy gags

00:41:51
so then you go

00:41:51
guy gags ricks

00:41:54
rick

00:41:55
keep saying ricks i don't know why

00:41:57
all right now what is this

00:42:02
oh we're outside

00:42:06
where do you dweebs think you're going there's no room there i should know don't you think

00:42:10
i invented this dungeon don't no hey hey quit walking over there

00:42:16
we're walking over okay what okay what the fuck i didn't put this room here

00:42:22
so which one of you clouds did now listen you think it's funny to mess with the bricky gold

00:42:28
grandpa rick but i have way more good years left than any of you do so hey hey who the hell are

00:42:35
you what is this you can't just get your hands off me where are you taking me

00:42:40
are we do we apprehend him

00:42:43
uh sorry about sorry about how mean this dungeon has been so far

00:42:49
this is a nice room shafts of golden light filter in from some unknown source hundred of

00:42:55
butterflies flip gently across the room sometimes laying on beautiful flowers growing out of the walls

00:43:00
and floor somewhere in the ceiling speakers place soothing new agey music

00:43:04
oh

00:43:09
as soon as you enter a butterfly lands on jerry

00:43:15
was that a scared ooh

00:43:21
no i was just you know charmed

00:43:25
baby baby

00:43:28
as as as soon as it lands on you you feel a little bit restored you gained a health point

00:43:34
sweet i didn't even know i lost a health point

00:43:37
and so you were down one from the last fight

00:43:41
just one

00:43:41
yeah so now you're fully healed fully healed by butterfly yeah i have some weird notes on this my last

00:43:51
my last my last date says covered in pots and pans armor

00:43:54
that was you're doing that really was you're doing yeah

00:44:00
mine says sharp pizza

00:44:02
it was also you're doing

00:44:07
oh yeah i guess it was all right what are you guys doing

00:44:12
uh i say nice butterfly dude

00:44:18
thank you it healed me i feel great like a butterfly

00:44:25
cool

00:44:30
i don't i was a little bit unclear all that talking

00:44:33
where was that coming from it's kind of like a fourth wall breaking kind of thing

00:44:40
but is it like over like a pa system type thing no it's just there oh he keeps popping in and out

00:44:47
i feel like it's i feel like it's supposed to be rick is the game master so he's playing the game

00:44:52
master and then we're supposed to be both jerry and kira and summer and you know

00:44:57
yeah

00:44:58
yeah

00:44:59
yeah

00:44:59
so it's kind of like a fourth wall kind of thing i see well it's

00:45:04
it's meta it's meta so it's smart

00:45:06
it's smart

00:45:08
don't attack me

00:45:10
don't attack me all right what do you guys do

00:45:16
i'm gonna just uh i don't know do this room do it really good i start walking forward and looking for more more more beautiful butterflies

00:45:28
there's a bunch of butterflies flitting all around you all right can i grab another one can i put my finger up and i try to catch one

00:45:37
give me an animal control check

00:45:39
give me an animal control check

00:45:39
or an animal handling

00:45:40
we've never had to use that one before guys

00:45:44
not in this game i thought we did but i can't remember for what

00:45:47
and i did it you did

00:45:50
butterflies butterfly boy

00:45:54
you butter boy

00:45:55
oh three

00:45:56
butter boy

00:45:57
three monarch butterflies land on your finger

00:46:00
and bite you heal for three points but you're already fully healed so

00:46:04
so it's just you know for fun

00:46:07
it is just for fun

00:46:08
do you guys ever go butterfly catching apparently that was a popular hobby back in the day with nets and everything

00:46:15
back in back in the day like the 1890s

00:46:20
yeah

00:46:21
back when they still had butterflies

00:46:25
right

00:46:26
and bees

00:46:28
yeah yeah the monarch butterflies population has decreased by like 95 percent

00:46:33
i'm terribly allergic to bees

00:46:38
you're what i'm terribly allergic to bees

00:46:41
that is not

00:46:43
i'm sensitive at all

00:46:44
oh sensitive i mean

00:46:45
i'm especially sensitive to bees

00:46:48
i i'm gonna kind of walk around this uh little atrium of trees and look around

00:46:56
sorry give me a perception check

00:47:00
and i'd like to touch some of the flowers with my fingers

00:47:05
okay

00:47:08
you

00:47:14
you somehow don't even see the flowers

00:47:17
this is stupid

00:47:19
i i hate

00:47:22
i really i really hate perception checks

00:47:24
it's stupid it adds nothing

00:47:26
it could have

00:47:29
it does nothing but but take

00:47:34
well

00:47:35
i want to do

00:47:39
i want to do can i do a perception check

00:47:41
for what

00:47:42
just looking around

00:47:43
yeah

00:47:45
yeah

00:47:52
21

00:47:52
again

00:47:53
a net

00:47:55
a net 20

00:47:56
blackjack

00:47:58
roll two

00:47:58
that is blackjack yeah go to the casino now

00:48:02
spanish

00:48:04
you see you see you see these this certain section of flowers is really beckoning

00:48:07
beckoning you towards it

00:48:08
almost like it wants you to take one with you

00:48:13
take a whiff

00:48:14
yeah pick one pick one flower like it wants you to pick one flower and take it with you

00:48:19
oh take it with me okay i thought you said take a whiff you know like

00:48:22
with you sorry

00:48:23
oh

00:48:23
all right yeah cool i uh i i grabbed the prettiest one and put it in my lapel

00:48:30
all right

00:48:30
all right

00:48:30
all right

00:48:32
with that

00:48:32
you become paralyzed

00:48:35
you have advantage on charisma checks and charisma saving throws for the next 24 hours

00:48:40
wow

00:48:41
all right advantage

00:48:43
he's really getting shit

00:48:45
uh

00:48:46
i

00:48:47
am jealous and i'm starting to look for something of my own to stick in my lapel

00:48:55
uh

00:48:56
there are

00:48:58
butterflies and flowers are there

00:49:03
other types of

00:49:07
trees

00:49:09
there are some trees give me a nature

00:49:13
give them a nature which is again another thing i don't think we've ever used

00:49:24
get a tent yeah you you

00:49:25
can i climb the tree

00:49:27
no they're not that big it's like a nursery

00:49:30
can i hug it

00:49:31
you can go up and touch it

00:49:34
i'd like to

00:49:36
really wrap my hands around it

00:49:39
okay

00:49:42
and shake it

00:49:44
did you say and

00:49:47
shit no

00:49:48
and shake it

00:49:50
oh shake it okay

00:49:53
all right you shake it and

00:49:55
an avocado falls off

00:49:57
nice

00:49:58
i eat it

00:49:59
it's

00:50:00
very unripe

00:50:01
i keep eating it

00:50:03
you can't

00:50:05
or like what

00:50:05
what i mean like

00:50:06
am i just gonna carry it around until it ripens

00:50:08
yeah

00:50:09
whatever you millennials are into

00:50:12
no i throw it away

00:50:13
i don't want this avocado anymore

00:50:15
this place sucks

00:50:17
how come how come jerry gets all the cool stuff

00:50:21
can i pocket the avocado

00:50:22
sure

00:50:24
no your pockets are full of five gold

00:50:27
no he got stolen

00:50:28
yeah i lost my hat so this avocado we might need this later

00:50:32
yeah why don't you turn that into a hat

00:50:34
avocado hat

00:50:36
yeah

00:50:38
because i can't

00:50:39
oh

00:50:40
excellently done

00:50:43
what

00:50:45
excellently done

00:50:54
all right well

00:50:55
all right well

00:50:55
i pocketed the avocado and i'm kind of making my way

00:50:59
just uh embracing the air

00:51:00
all right

00:51:02
um

00:51:02
i'm making my way to the center of the atrium

00:51:04
my charisma is really high right now

00:51:09
it is really high

00:51:10
i'm so charismatic right now

00:51:13
no charismatic

00:51:15
anything else

00:51:17
is there is there like a body of water

00:51:20
no

00:51:21
like a little pond maybe

00:51:23
no

00:51:24
a puddle

00:51:25
no

00:51:27
a bubbler

00:51:27
no

00:51:28
fountain

00:51:30
no water

00:51:31
no water at all then how do the plants live

00:51:34
don't worry about it

00:51:35
what's the dirt like

00:51:38
moist

00:51:40
i'd like to stick my fingers into it

00:51:45
and give me a nature check

00:51:46
yep it's dirt

00:51:56
does it feel good on my skin

00:51:58
yes

00:52:02
is there any succulents

00:52:05
no

00:52:06
is there are there any aloe trees

00:52:11
no you already

00:52:13
uh

00:52:14
you already

00:52:18
looked at all the trees

00:52:19
and there's no there's no windows

00:52:23
aren't there skylights or something

00:52:26
i mean yeah

00:52:26
there there's artificial sunlight coming in

00:52:29
oh

00:52:30
okay

00:52:30
so no skylights

00:52:31
all right

00:52:34
i guess uh

00:52:35
i've already seen everything there is to see here

00:52:41
do you want your avocado back

00:52:42
no i don't want that

00:52:44
never

00:52:44
you keep it you turn into a hat

00:52:46
it's your new top

00:52:50
turn into a hat

00:52:50
very top hat

00:52:52
okay

00:52:57
yeah i'm done with this room

00:52:59
i'm over

00:53:00
all right

00:53:01
so you're leaving

00:53:02
yeah

00:53:03
all right

00:53:06
as soon as

00:53:07
summer walks out the door

00:53:08
all the rest of the butterflies turn into gold and fall to the ground

00:53:12
gold pieces

00:53:16
my butterflies with gold pieces

00:53:19
are they real gold or are they actually just gold foil with chocolate inside

00:53:24
no it's gold

00:53:25
no it's gold

00:53:25
i pocket a bunch of them

00:53:26
okay so i'm just gonna say you pocket all of them because you're a cheap bastard

00:53:32
you got to pay rent this month

00:53:33
so you get 282 gold pieces

00:53:36
butterflies

00:53:39
this is the year of jerry

00:53:44
280

00:53:45
280 because a couple of butterflies landed on you

00:53:50
they use up their magic

00:53:52
well i came out of this all right you know i went in and came out with the three three three

00:53:57
three thousand and seventeen and then all those went now and back to you know

00:54:02
it's a small investment you know a little nest egg

00:54:05
it's not really an investment

00:54:08
what

00:54:09
huh

00:54:10
you know

00:54:10
all right

00:54:10
sometimes you got to invest in yourself summer

00:54:14
take that as a lesson

00:54:16
i did invest in myself

00:54:18
you invested yourself in a boy

00:54:20
yes and that's where i got all my self-worth

00:54:24
your boy hungry honey

00:54:26
you've got to stop the feast

00:54:28
i'm so hungry

00:54:29
i'm so hungry

00:54:31
stop the feast

00:54:32
never

00:54:33
you're not the boss of me down here

00:54:39
as you draw near to this room you hear the sounds of rattling bones

00:54:44
not in a spooky way in a fun way

00:54:47
like a xylophone

00:54:48
once you enter the room a group of skeletons appears to be examined something set up

00:54:53
on a stand between them but you can't quite see what it is

00:54:57
bone crafted sculptures adorn the room or wait is that one sculpture actually a drum set

00:55:06
so once they spotted you one of the skeletons gestures wildly beckoning you to come over

00:55:12
the other skeletons look over and also start gesturing

00:55:15
it's just fun skeletons

00:55:18
they can't be that bad they gotta be good

00:55:23
uh

00:55:24
all right hello skeletons

00:55:28
hey they can't really talk because they don't have a voice box

00:55:34
oh man they're so the realistic skeletons that's the worst time

00:55:38
so once you come over once you move closer

00:55:42
it's clear the skeletons are crowning around a xylophone made of bones

00:55:46
i knew it

00:55:47
i knew it

00:55:48
skeletons can't play it though because each of them already has an instrument

00:55:52
all right i played the xylophone do i have xylophone skills

00:55:58
as soon as you pick up the xylophone mallets the skeletons run to other nearby bone instruments

00:56:06
two guitars a drum set an upright bass and a sax of bone

00:56:11
all right

00:56:12
x the bone

00:56:13
uh

00:56:14
so the then the skeletons start playing and encourage you to start playing i start playing smoke on the water

00:56:23
all right roll me uh give me a performance check

00:56:26
who what what instrument do you pick up

00:56:33
what are the instruments again

00:56:35
there's really no you just get to pick an instrument

00:56:40
all right i uh i pick a bongo

00:56:44
okay a bone bongo a bongo a bongo yeah all right so both of you give me a performance

00:56:52
check with advantage

00:56:54
double advantage no

00:56:56
no

00:56:57
all right

00:57:04
i successfully play the easiest

00:57:07
summer they're all like they're all jamming along with you

00:57:10
uh jerry which is true to form they they come over take away your bongo

00:57:18
oh and they give hand you a tambourine

00:57:22
the boobie the boobie instrument

00:57:24
they give you uh maracas

00:57:30
maracas all right yeah something you really can't fuck up

00:57:35
yeah but he's he's gonna rock it

00:57:40
i am impressed i have all these things that read a little bit of a

00:57:43
uh

00:57:43
so after this after the song uh smoke on the water is done playing the skeletons

00:57:54
so

00:57:56
and just joyous

00:57:57
uh and since summer did so good

00:58:03
yeah

00:58:03
yeah

00:58:05
really quickly yeah

00:58:06
roll a decent roll a decent

00:58:08
oh just

00:58:11
five

00:58:19
they give you an upright base that's well it's made out of bone

00:58:26
oh

00:58:26
does it have strings

00:58:28
the base is made out of bones

00:58:29
yes

00:58:31
strings are made of ligaments

00:58:32
nice

00:58:34
yes

00:58:35
yes

00:58:35
should i attack them with it

00:58:39
you

00:58:43
why would you do that you just had a good time

00:58:46
if you want to

00:58:47
no

00:58:48
it's just like our band practice like all those years ago when you hit me with the guitar

00:58:52
stand

00:58:52
i was a different person back then i was angry

00:58:54
i was going through puberty

00:58:56
what's your excuse today i've really calmed down i'm boy hungry

00:59:03
his character is still going through puberty

00:59:07
you just threatened to hit the band you're in right now

00:59:10
i didn't i i asked for an opinion and you said no and i took your opinion into consideration

00:59:17
so now what

00:59:25
i say hey skeletons i'd like to give them a high five

00:59:32
a high bone

00:59:34
a big old bone

00:59:36
big old bone

00:59:39
the main bone

00:59:41
clone bone

00:59:46
give me a

00:59:48
performance check

00:59:50
how about a dexterity check

00:59:51
i didn't like it

00:59:53
how about performance

00:59:56
doesn't make any sense

00:59:59
one

01:00:02
you miss their hand and smack them straight in the forehead

01:00:06
oh great i'm sure i

01:00:07
i'm sure i insulted their family

01:00:10
so

01:00:12
the skeleton that you smacked just looks around

01:00:16
at the other at the other

01:00:17
other skeletons and they all just start laughing and pointing at you

01:00:21
all right we're friends still

01:00:23
and then the the drummer comes over and just kind of ushers you out of the room

01:00:29
whoa

01:00:31
see ya

01:00:32
are we still gonna mate up later for after drinks

01:00:35
after after show drinks

01:00:38
after party

01:00:38
they are unable to talk

01:00:43
well that was

01:00:44
well that was

01:00:44
pretty cool

01:00:49
a distinctly

01:00:50
a distinctly

01:00:50
earthy

01:00:51
earthy smell

01:00:53
wafts towards you as you approach the door ahead

01:00:55
you hear snuffling and snorting an occasional vexed grumbling sound

01:01:00
oh boy i can smell this room

01:01:03
this odiferous room is overflowing with piles of hay lawn branches and dozens of bones picked clean of meat

01:01:09
feathers have formed downy beds where they drifted into the dim rooms of dim corners of the room

01:01:16
a particularly large pile of hay amidst the stufflin sound heard before

01:01:20
oh it looks like there's an owl bear down there

01:01:28
an owl bird

01:01:29
yeah

01:01:30
owl bear

01:01:31
owl bear

01:01:33
what do you want with us monster

01:01:34
so

01:01:39
the owl bear that you

01:01:41
notice just looks at you turns its head

01:01:44
and it extracts itself from its pile of hay reveal and the rest of its snowy white urside body

01:01:56
a rough of iridescent feathers marks it as a particularly majestic female

01:02:00
she snuffles the air in the character's direction gives a warm grunt

01:02:06
i think he just wants

01:02:09
did he say iridescent

01:02:10
uh

01:02:13
no

01:02:13
serpine

01:02:14
serpine

01:02:16
ursine

01:02:18
ursine

01:02:19
iridescent

01:02:20
i rub its belly

01:02:23
once you start to get close to it to rub its belly

01:02:32
and looks at the shelves that are broken in the nest

01:02:36
and like pushes them towards them and gives a low growl

01:02:39
not growl like a like a sigh

01:02:42
uh oh i see you want me to fix these shelves

01:02:47
i will fix them to you because i am but a carpenter

01:02:53
it's funny you're not a carpenter

01:02:55
i have carpenter's tools

01:02:56
you made a fort once and a bar

01:02:59
yeah but i have carpenter's tools which means i'm a carpenter they don't just hand those out

01:03:04
well i can't argue with that

01:03:07
all right give me a uh

01:03:13
carpenter check

01:03:15
uh survival check

01:03:17
are you sure

01:03:22
all of us

01:03:24
is that for both of us no just uh summer okay

01:03:31
uh survival okay

01:03:40
yeah 10 so you start to work towards the shelves

01:03:44
and putting them back together but the

01:03:46
the

01:03:47
the owlbear

01:03:49
isn't really happy with that and like breaks them up

01:03:53
oh you hate these shelves then is any of them unbroken

01:04:00
no there's two uh there's two broken shelves sitting in the nest and she just looks very very sad

01:04:09
uh can i look inside them are they are there dead owlbears in there

01:04:14
no

01:04:15
i'm a bear there are not dead owlbears

01:04:18
oh

01:04:20
uh

01:04:22
let's see can i

01:04:26
is it make sense to make them even more broken

01:04:29
i don't know i just

01:04:33
she clearly hates them

01:04:38
is she missing her babies

01:04:39
maybe we could pretend to be their bait her babies

01:04:44
what

01:04:47
where do you get these ideas from i don't want to fight it i want it to be my friend

01:04:52
it's the only thing i can think of

01:05:02
well honey if this will help you get over real from burly

01:05:05
i'll go pretend to be that owlbears babies

01:05:08
uh

01:05:10
jerry picks up some of the some of the feathers and fluff that's laying around and attaches it to himself and goes over and pretends to be a baby

01:05:26
does summer do the same thing

01:05:31
uh

01:05:32
yeah

01:05:33
okay

01:05:35
so you lay in the nest with her and the bow

01:05:38
the owlbear looks very

01:05:40
thankful

01:05:43
looks very

01:05:46
satisfied decides to lay down and she closes her eyes

01:05:50
nice

01:05:50
i don't like that look of satisfaction she had in her eyes honey

01:05:54
i don't know it's kind of nice

01:05:57
i don't know i don't

01:05:59
i've seen the look of satisfaction before i never wanted to see it again

01:06:02
and as she she starts walking around to like circle you guys you see that the door is right behind her

01:06:10
all right

01:06:10
uh

01:06:14
do i have any food

01:06:17
i

01:06:20
assume

01:06:21
you have some type of food

01:06:23
yeah you have 10 days of rations

01:06:30
all right i would like to

01:06:32
put a ration on the floor

01:06:35
okay

01:06:38
and head towards the door but walking backwards

01:06:40
okay

01:06:42
cherry

01:06:45
um

01:06:47
where'd you go

01:06:50
you repeat that towards the door

01:06:53
i'm following behind you

01:06:55
okay i'm walking backwards

01:06:57
why

01:06:58
because i want to keep my eyes on the owlbear

01:07:03
owlbear

01:07:03
okay so

01:07:10
you walk out the door successfully without waking the bear

01:07:14
the owlbear

01:07:15
the bar

01:07:17
sometimes you eat the bar

01:07:20
sometimes you cuddle the bar and leave

01:07:21
good old cuddle bar

01:07:24
cuddle bar

01:07:27
even from a distance it's easy to see that this room wasn't intended to be easily accessed

01:07:32
chunks of stone and wood lie strewn outside the door which is riddled with broken locks

01:07:37
magic wands

01:07:39
oh magic words sizzle ineffectively their power reduced to nothing at the same time warm rays of

01:07:44
white beckon you inside you feel pushed towards the room which might be due to the floor

01:07:49
be beginning to gently tilt toward the battered doorway

01:07:53
uh

01:07:53
rat row rat row rat row

01:07:57
the enter the room

01:08:00
the enter the room a simple wooden table bearing a small squarish cloth covered object sits in the middle of the room

01:08:05
patterns of scintillate

01:08:07
scintillating green stones cover the walls and floors

01:08:11
what do you do

01:08:16
i don't know i'm relatively terrified i don't think this is as good as it could be

01:08:23
we were just coming with a nice cuddly owl and now we're

01:08:26
we should go back

01:08:27
no honey you have to go forward i'll go back

01:08:31
as you turn around the door locks

01:08:39
summer open this door right now

01:08:46
with what my magic

01:08:49
uh well a little maybe with your attitude

01:08:54
i'm trying as hard as i can it's not opening is it

01:08:58
no

01:09:00
uh

01:09:05
can i

01:09:06
i start

01:09:08
i start exploring around looking around uh trying to

01:09:11
at least pretend like i know what i'm doing but i don't and i'm terrified

01:09:15
all right all right give me a perception check

01:09:17
oh god i knew you were gonna say that

01:09:18
oh no

01:09:25
you perceive nothing

01:09:27
oh classic line classic line

01:09:32
back from the past

01:09:33
back from the dead past

01:09:34
i mean it never stopped

01:09:36
magic mountain baby

01:09:38
um

01:09:40
um i would like to shoot an arrow

01:09:44
at

01:09:48
straight ahead

01:09:50
i'm mad

01:09:51
okay

01:09:56
but i don't

01:09:58
i want to

01:09:58
but i do not

01:10:00
okay

01:10:03
um

01:10:04
i'm gonna get a pop

01:10:09
you're gonna get a pop

01:10:13
yes

01:10:15
is this is this you saying you want to take a break

01:10:17
no we don't need to take a break i just would like to get a pop

01:10:21
from where

01:10:23
the kitchen

01:10:27
oh okay so take like a quick break

01:10:29
i mean you guys could go with you guys can go on without me

01:10:33
or we could take a break i guess

01:10:36
short break

01:10:37
yeah let's just take a quick break

01:10:39
are you drunk

01:10:40
no

01:10:41
you're drunk

01:10:51
no

01:10:53
no

01:10:55
no

01:10:56
no

01:10:57
no

01:10:57
no

01:10:58
no

01:10:58
no

01:10:58
no

01:10:58
no

01:10:59
no

01:11:01
no

01:11:01
no

01:11:03
Thank you.

01:12:03
Thank you.

01:12:05
All right, let's continue without him.

01:12:21
Ah.

01:12:23
What do you want to do?

01:12:24
I don't know.

01:12:26
Oh, he's back. He's going to get pissed.

01:12:28
That's fine.

01:12:30
Hide your tits.

01:12:31
I heard what you guys said.

01:12:36
No, you didn't.

01:12:38
Yeah, that was so cool.

01:12:39
All right.

01:12:42
That was so cool.

01:12:44
Where's your pop?

01:12:45
Turn it a pop.

01:12:47
Is that your seltzer water you always drink?

01:12:53
It's black.

01:12:55
No.

01:12:57
But is that like your soda stream you make?

01:13:00
Oh, no.

01:13:01
No, it's Dr. Pepper.

01:13:05
It's like strawberry cream.

01:13:07
It's really weird, but good.

01:13:09
Oh, fantastic.

01:13:10
Yeah, I know.

01:13:11
I was really excited to have another one.

01:13:13
And then you guys gave me a bunch of shit for it.

01:13:16
So technically, Dr. Pepper, you know, that's 24 bold flavors in that drink now?

01:13:21
25.

01:13:22
No, 25.

01:13:23
Holy shit.

01:13:25
Yeah, I know.

01:13:25
That's 24 more than the body's supposed to take at one point in time.

01:13:28
Uh-oh.

01:13:29
Oh, no.

01:13:29
He's going to explode.

01:13:31
He's going to explode.

01:13:33
Flavors.

01:13:34
The doctor's the one that gave it to you.

01:13:35
Oh, that's right.

01:13:37
At least that's what he told me.

01:13:39
Maybe some kind of flim-flam, man.

01:13:41
Flim-flam.

01:13:43
I love that term.

01:13:44
I don't get to use it at all.

01:13:46
All right.

01:13:47
Can I walk down the center of this hallway?

01:13:51
I mean, this picture is pretty accurate of what we're looking at.

01:13:55
Okay.

01:13:55
I'm going to slowly walk down the corridor.

01:13:59
Okay.

01:14:01
You walk down the middle of the room, dazzled by these green stones around you, up to the

01:14:10
simple wooden table with a square-ish cloth-covered object sitting in the middle of it.

01:14:14
Um...

01:14:15
Is this...

01:14:20
I mean, I'm not trying to get more information than I'm supposed to have, but is it...

01:14:27
Is this, like, the game for, like, the dungeon master?

01:14:31
Does it look like a menacing...

01:14:34
Does, like...

01:14:36
So, but there's a...

01:14:38
It's a guy in the...

01:14:40
Up there.

01:14:40
Does he look like...

01:14:42
There's no guy.

01:14:43
There's no guy.

01:14:43
Does he look like he's a master of a dungeon?

01:14:47
Yes.

01:14:47
Does he...

01:14:48
Does he look like he's mastering this dungeon right now?

01:14:51
Does he have a protractor?

01:14:54
Oh, yes.

01:14:57
It's a delicious mystery, isn't it?

01:14:59
Oh, I'm delicious.

01:15:00
You feel that only good things hide beneath this cloth.

01:15:03
It's going to feel so nice to pull off that cloth.

01:15:06
You take a moment to feel grateful for your opposable thumbs, which allow you to pull off the cloth things on tables.

01:15:14
How lucky you are.

01:15:15
All right.

01:15:17
I'll bite.

01:15:18
I'm going to pull the cloth.

01:15:19
All right.

01:15:20
Give me an investigation check.

01:15:22
All right.

01:15:35
Removing the cloth reveals a framed portrait of Rick, Beth, Summer, and Morty smiling widely.

01:15:41
A jerry-shaped hole has been cut out of the portrait.

01:15:45
Uh-oh.

01:15:48
This is what he had locked up so tight in here.

01:15:53
Rick's weakness is his family.

01:15:56
Absolutely impossible.

01:15:57
He doesn't even like them.

01:15:58
Wait.

01:16:00
They look an awful lot like you two.

01:16:05
They do.

01:16:06
Except one of us.

01:16:08
That makes this easy.

01:16:08
The green stones around the characters begin to shake, ripping themselves out of the floor and walls.

01:16:14
Uh-oh.

01:16:15
Give me a dexterity saving throw.

01:16:19
Oh, one of us gets bonuses on saving throws, don't they?

01:16:23
Or was that just from the hat?

01:16:26
I think that was just from the hat.

01:16:27
All his power was in the hat.

01:16:30
But Tiger.

01:16:31
Yeah.

01:16:32
Summer has a dexterity saving throw increase by one.

01:16:37
Oh, that's what I was remembering.

01:16:39
So it wasn't the hat.

01:16:40
Do I have to do anything?

01:16:42
I just do normal, right?

01:16:43
Yeah, you're just normal.

01:16:47
15, 17.

01:16:48
I don't know if this plus...

01:16:57
No, it's supposed to be plus four, right?

01:16:58
Or is it supposed to be plus...

01:17:00
It doesn't matter.

01:17:01
You passed.

01:17:02
I kind of want to know, though.

01:17:03
Okay.

01:17:03
It is plus four total, yeah.

01:17:06
I thought I fixed that.

01:17:09
I thought so, too.

01:17:10
It says 17.

01:17:11
It was 16.

01:17:12
Oh, maybe I need to change it to plus...

01:17:16
Can you change the plus?

01:17:20
Oh, it says plus five now.

01:17:30
There we go.

01:17:32
All right.

01:17:32
I think I got it.

01:17:34
But it doesn't matter.

01:17:36
Okay.

01:17:41
The stones regroup themselves into the form of a snarling young green dragon.

01:17:46
Oh, no.

01:17:48
He's friendly, though, right?

01:17:50
Huh?

01:17:52
He's friendly, though, right?

01:17:53
Can I rub his belly?

01:17:54
You cannot.

01:17:55
He is very...

01:17:56
Oh, wait.

01:17:57
I got this.

01:17:57
I got this.

01:17:58
I got this.

01:17:58
There's francing around this fucking thing.

01:18:09
As the stones fly up from the floor, they reveal a 20-foot deep pit with a humanoid lion at the bottom.

01:18:15
Oh, my God.

01:18:17
What does that even mean?

01:18:18
A humanoid lion.

01:18:20
Like cats?

01:18:22
Like the cowardly lion?

01:18:28
Oh, I'll cancel them all that.

01:18:30
Roll for initiative.

01:18:35
Oh, we're fighting.

01:18:39
No, we're going to fucking die.

01:18:40
Yeah.

01:18:41
Yeah.

01:18:42
If I were the king of the forest...

01:18:50
Oh, we're going to fucking die.

01:18:58
Yeah, but...

01:18:59
All right.

01:19:00
Both of you give me a perception check.

01:19:15
All right.

01:19:16
Who was that?

01:19:18
Jerry sees that it is Rick Sanchez himself, dressed in wizardly garb and clearly unconscious.

01:19:24
Where is he?

01:19:26
It also looks like a lion?

01:19:27
He's in a 20-foot hole.

01:19:30
Next to the lion.

01:19:32
What lion?

01:19:35
There's a humanoid lion.

01:19:36
Lion.

01:19:38
Like...

01:19:39
No, not lion.

01:19:41
Like, he's laying on the ground.

01:19:44
What did you think we were talking about, Andy?

01:19:48
Well, we were making all those lion references.

01:19:50
I have no fucking idea.

01:19:53
Okay, that's a lot.

01:19:57
That makes a lot more sense.

01:19:58
I thought we were facing a dragon and a lion.

01:20:01
That's a man dressed up like a lion.

01:20:03
Oh, fuck.

01:20:09
That's good.

01:20:11
All right.

01:20:12
So, Rick's fucked.

01:20:14
We're fucked.

01:20:14
We're gonna fucking die.

01:20:16
Yeah.

01:20:18
Yeah.

01:20:19
Hold on.

01:20:36
I forgot to make a token for Rick.

01:20:39
Well, he's not gonna roll for initiative.

01:20:48
Rick, don't roll.

01:20:56
He don't roll that way.

01:20:58
He don't roll no way.

01:20:59
He's a humanoid lion right now.

01:21:05
Just imagining Rick dressed up as a lion, dressed up as a wizard.

01:21:09
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

01:21:12
Oh, wow.

01:21:14
That's great stuff.

01:21:15
Oh, holy thought.

01:21:20
Seriously, I totally thought that Rick was down in the bottom of that pit with a humanoid lion.

01:21:27
I did too.

01:21:28
I wasn't kidding.

01:21:29
I wasn't being cute.

01:21:31
I thought you said there was a humanoid lion.

01:21:33
No, I have a...

01:21:36
But that's not what we...

01:21:37
That's totally different than what we heard.

01:21:40
It was definitely a humanoid lion there.

01:21:43
He wasn't lying.

01:21:45
He wasn't lying.

01:21:47
Yes, you have a terrible enunciation problem, Andy, and you need to work on that.

01:21:50
Or is that an ING?

01:21:53
I do.

01:21:54
Yes.

01:21:54
And it's not something I need to work on.

01:21:57
It's just...

01:21:58
I can't...

01:21:59
Otherwise, you'll never be hired.

01:22:00
You're unhirable.

01:22:01
At this point in his life...

01:22:02
At this point in his life, it's not a character...

01:22:04
It's a character trait, not a flaw.

01:22:06
Yeah, at this point in life, it's too late.

01:22:09
It's a character trait.

01:22:11
It's too late.

01:22:13
It's too late.

01:22:23
Thank you.