- Crew of the Kahuna

00:00:00

okay so we just got through with the flame skull right

00:00:27

yes and then we were moving into a different room we were in the me seeks room you wouldn't let us have any me seeks as we left though i never said you couldn't have any well you did they they poofed for some reason yeah you're a flame skull attacked them that's right so all your me seeks died couldn't even keep one that's up to you i mean we

00:00:55

haven't left yet you can um no we did he's i thought you locked it or shut the door oh that's right because i said the door burned up and he said another door and i said what i didn't know there was another door and then you just said magic

00:01:08

that's been a key thing going on this game doors just keep appearing

00:01:13

kind of fine that's exciting

00:01:15

it doesn't happen in the other games no i mean technically in canon there are no doors in star wars

00:01:22

that's not sure at all name one door

00:01:26

uh the door that opens up when they go to eat uh eat dinner with darth vader and besides that one

00:01:32

besides that one the one they were having the negotiations with in the very first scene in the

00:01:38

very first movie and yeah in the yeah then he has to like use the lightsaber to like open it up because

00:01:43

he's like burning it in there yeah every single door in the jedi's face they have to open with their

00:01:48

lightsaber no those are blast shields no they were doors they're blast doors okay fine besides that one

00:01:55

it's like all of them yeah you can't name any of them besides those huh

00:02:00

yeah but what about that piece of cloth that's over the uh tent where where shmi skywalker gets killed

00:02:06

not a door technically he's right that's a flap

00:02:09

he's i'm on your side but you're he's right that's a flap

00:02:15

fair is fair flap is flap flap is flap all right so you're going through that door yeah

00:02:22

the other door in the room can't remember

00:02:26

okay

00:02:28

room 20

00:02:39

okay can you guys see everything

00:02:46

uh yeah oh yeah you screamed so all i see is a bunch of mortys

00:02:52

all right a horde of goblins wearing yellow shirts and blue pants grab this room

00:02:56

there are these little munchkin things i don't know i never gave them a name but they're real

00:03:02

annoying little pieces of shit repeating the same pattern spouting under undermined nonsense while you

00:03:08

try to try to get work done all underpined with teenage self-image fragility and minuscule attention

00:03:14

spans born from what i can only assume is a life completely unexplored while simultaneously devoid of any real

00:03:20

stakes also they say oh geez lot too much the glass case sits on the far side of the room next to another door but there are too many

00:03:30

stupid little goblins in the way for you to see clearly

00:03:34

what do you do

00:03:40

where's the door

00:03:45

across from you

00:03:47

all right oh man it's like in here can they see us

00:03:52

yes

00:03:52

are they coming towards us

00:03:55

they're just kind of oh geezing around it

00:03:58

if i gave one of them a dollar would the rest of them leave me alone

00:04:03

uh you can try it

00:04:06

all right i give one a dollar

00:04:08

the one with a gold piece

00:04:09

where did you get a dollar

00:04:10

a gold piece

00:04:12

wait hold on

00:04:13

how many do you have

00:04:15

i have no idea

00:04:16

did i

00:04:17

i just hope i have money

00:04:18

did i

00:04:19

you have

00:04:20

we split up a bunch of money last time but i don't remember what

00:04:23

there's some

00:04:23

gold piece

00:04:25

there's some gold

00:04:26

i didn't

00:04:29

put it in my inventory

00:04:30

yeah it doesn't even

00:04:31

oh i wrote it i wrote it down

00:04:33

i have 210 gold

00:04:34

um

00:04:37

one electron gold

00:04:40

and

00:04:44

that's it

00:04:48

oh and i'm missing my left butt cheek

00:04:50

oh i have a smell

00:04:52

which i named alisa

00:04:52

and you smell bad

00:04:54

i have a smelly ruby

00:04:55

and a good smelly ruby

00:04:58

yeah i have a good smelly ruby

00:04:59

yeah it smells like

00:05:00

pie

00:05:00

some type of pie

00:05:01

yeah cherry

00:05:03

it's cherry pie yeah

00:05:04

my strawberry

00:05:06

fan myself

00:05:07

all right so you give him a gold piece

00:05:09

yeah

00:05:10

if i remember right

00:05:11

he doesn't have any gold

00:05:13

he only has silver

00:05:14

i gave him a silver piece

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i think i took the gold

00:05:17

and i painted yellow

00:05:18

when would you have painted it yellow

00:05:21

and with what

00:05:22

a yellow shirt that i found

00:05:25

in this room

00:05:26

oh

00:05:26

off of a corpse

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of a dead goblin

00:05:29

like well

00:05:30

not a corpse

00:05:31

he just didn't see me take it

00:05:32

okay

00:05:33

uh

00:05:34

maybe he was sleeping

00:05:36

you give it to one

00:05:37

and he goes

00:05:37

oh geez

00:05:38

and he throws it in his mouth

00:05:39

and eats it

00:05:40

wow

00:05:41

good use of

00:05:42

that's

00:05:43

that's weird

00:05:44

maybe they're hungry

00:05:45

maybe you should give it

00:05:47

some of your pie

00:05:48

i gave it

00:05:50

already gave it a silver piece

00:05:51

i'm not giving it anymore

00:05:52

i'm really disappointed

00:05:54

in that outcome

00:05:55

minus one silver piece

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fuck

00:06:00

this is not a good start

00:06:01

uh

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i'm gonna yell out

00:06:04

let us through

00:06:05

and we'll let you live

00:06:06

maybe

00:06:07

but you should

00:06:09

you should

00:06:09

yeah you should

00:06:10

still let us

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through

00:06:11

just in case

00:06:12

i'm gonna wave my arm

00:06:13

i'm gonna wave my arms around

00:06:15

like really big

00:06:16

oh geez

00:06:19

should really think this through

00:06:21

yeah

00:06:27

well

00:06:28

you should think it through

00:06:30

let us through

00:06:30

all right

00:06:33

we don't we don't want to fight you

00:06:34

we just want to

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go somewhere

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forward

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okay

00:06:39

then go

00:06:40

okay

00:06:41

all right

00:06:41

i'm gonna

00:06:42

i start making a move

00:06:43

so just

00:06:46

i don't know

00:06:47

just forward

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just straight ahead

00:06:50

i'm like dodging

00:06:52

more uh

00:06:52

little goblins

00:06:53

you know

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trying not to touch them

00:06:56

because they're

00:06:56

probably all

00:06:57

you know

00:06:58

gross

00:06:58

sticky

00:07:00

one of them just starts

00:07:02

pointing towards the gem

00:07:03

box

00:07:04

what gem box

00:07:05

there's a gem box

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the glass case

00:07:07

sits on the far side

00:07:08

of the room

00:07:09

next to another door

00:07:10

but there are too many

00:07:11

stupid little goblins

00:07:12

in the way for you

00:07:13

to see it clearly

00:07:14

but are they

00:07:15

they're making a path

00:07:16

towards it

00:07:17

they're pointing towards it

00:07:19

they're pointing towards it

00:07:20

but they're not saying anything

00:07:21

they're just kind of like

00:07:22

randomly saying

00:07:23

oh geez

00:07:23

yeah

00:07:24

oh

00:07:25

i start going towards that

00:07:27

because

00:07:27

you know

00:07:28

gem boxes

00:07:29

can't be that bad

00:07:30

right

00:07:30

you know

00:07:31

what do you think

00:07:32

what

00:07:34

i'm just watching you

00:07:35

from back here

00:07:36

but then i start

00:07:36

slowly shuffling

00:07:37

behind you

00:07:38

all right

00:07:39

but i'm really

00:07:40

i'm really disgustedly

00:07:42

sheshing through

00:07:43

all the

00:07:43

all the mortys

00:07:44

start moving away from you

00:07:45

because you smell like

00:07:46

sturge's boob

00:07:47

oh that works

00:07:48

as you walk

00:07:49

or not mortys

00:07:49

goblin sorry

00:07:50

and as you walk by them

00:07:52

they all point

00:07:53

and laugh at your

00:07:54

one butt cheek

00:07:55

yeah yeah

00:07:56

i know

00:07:57

i know

00:07:58

i don't want

00:07:59

yeah

00:08:00

i'm very self-conscious

00:08:02

i'm not

00:08:02

really proud of that

00:08:04

but it happened

00:08:05

okay

00:08:05

hey i still got one

00:08:06

one more than you

00:08:07

i thought that sash

00:08:09

that sashaying

00:08:10

looked a little half-assed

00:08:11

oh boy

00:08:13

ha ha ha

00:08:17

ha ha ha

00:08:19

yeah

00:08:19

well

00:08:20

you know what

00:08:20

at least

00:08:21

i've got more ass

00:08:22

in this one butt cheek

00:08:23

than any mortys

00:08:24

put together

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one of the goblins

00:08:28

runs up

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and just smacks

00:08:29

the one butt cheek

00:08:30

and runs away

00:08:31

that is

00:08:33

i

00:08:34

well

00:08:35

perhaps not

00:08:37

blood related

00:08:38

but it's

00:08:38

a little weird

00:08:40

a little risky

00:08:42

it was

00:08:43

considering real life

00:08:44

it was your brother

00:08:46

that just said

00:08:47

he did that

00:08:48

now that is meta

00:08:52

all right

00:08:54

pushing your way

00:08:55

through the crowd

00:08:56

of whiny little

00:08:57

goblins

00:08:57

takes some doing

00:08:58

but once you get

00:08:59

through you see

00:08:59

a glass case

00:09:01

with five gems

00:09:02

in it

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blue

00:09:03

green

00:09:04

red

00:09:04

yellow

00:09:05

and purple

00:09:05

next to the case

00:09:07

there are three

00:09:08

conveniently gem

00:09:09

sized sockets

00:09:09

and cut

00:09:10

are cut into

00:09:11

the stone wall

00:09:12

these things

00:09:13

have to be related

00:09:14

right

00:09:15

okay

00:09:16

so gem sockets

00:09:17

and we have

00:09:18

how many gems

00:09:19

three

00:09:19

five

00:09:20

five gems

00:09:21

you have five

00:09:22

but three

00:09:22

sockets

00:09:23

for them to fit in

00:09:25

blue

00:09:26

green

00:09:27

red

00:09:27

yellow

00:09:28

and purple

00:09:28

gems

00:09:29

you're suggesting

00:09:29

perhaps

00:09:30

we should

00:09:30

write this down

00:09:31

that's up to you

00:09:35

it would be

00:09:36

hoover us to

00:09:37

either write it

00:09:38

down or remember

00:09:38

it

00:09:39

yes

00:09:40

blue

00:09:42

red

00:09:43

green

00:09:45

green

00:09:45

yellow

00:09:46

yellow

00:09:47

and purple

00:09:49

purple

00:09:50

all right

00:09:53

and

00:09:54

there's three

00:09:55

sockets

00:09:55

there are three

00:09:57

sockets

00:09:57

all right

00:09:59

uh

00:10:00

let's go with

00:10:01

uh

00:10:02

blue yellow

00:10:04

and green

00:10:04

you put the

00:10:06

blue

00:10:07

yellow

00:10:07

and green

00:10:08

ones in there

00:10:08

wait wait wait

00:10:09

wait

00:10:09

hold on

00:10:10

uh

00:10:11

i wasn't

00:10:12

putting them in

00:10:13

there that was

00:10:14

dialogue

00:10:14

oh okay

00:10:15

in character

00:10:16

yes

00:10:17

all right

00:10:19

i put blue

00:10:19

yellow

00:10:20

and green

00:10:20

in there

00:10:21

just immediately

00:10:22

yeah

00:10:24

in what order

00:10:25

uh

00:10:26

blue yellow

00:10:27

and green

00:10:27

all right

00:10:28

and it

00:10:30

must be

00:10:30

why

00:10:31

why

00:10:31

the gem

00:10:35

shoot out

00:10:36

hit you in

00:10:37

the forehead

00:10:37

and then

00:10:38

reappear back

00:10:39

in the case

00:10:39

next to the

00:10:41

sockets

00:10:41

that is all

00:10:42

three of them

00:10:43

that's real bogus

00:10:44

man

00:10:45

hmm

00:10:46

well

00:10:48

i thought

00:10:49

i thought

00:10:50

the blue

00:10:50

pants

00:10:51

and yellow

00:10:51

shirt

00:10:51

and green

00:10:52

uh

00:10:53

tentacles

00:10:55

on his head

00:10:56

you know

00:10:57

that that

00:10:57

might have

00:10:58

done it

00:10:58

but uh

00:10:59

well

00:11:00

here we are

00:11:01

these these

00:11:04

goblins start

00:11:05

to get real

00:11:05

close to you

00:11:06

and are

00:11:06

are very

00:11:07

annoying with

00:11:08

their blue

00:11:08

shirts and

00:11:09

yellow or

00:11:09

blue pants

00:11:10

and yellow

00:11:10

shirts

00:11:10

these yellow

00:11:13

shirts are

00:11:13

really annoying

00:11:14

all right

00:11:15

uh

00:11:16

i'm gonna

00:11:17

just put

00:11:18

i'm kind

00:11:19

of

00:11:19

snuck up

00:11:21

behind you

00:11:21

as you like

00:11:22

rubbed your

00:11:22

head from

00:11:23

being hit

00:11:24

yeah

00:11:25

but you

00:11:28

were trying

00:11:28

to play it

00:11:28

off cool

00:11:29

i imagine

00:11:29

i'm in the

00:11:31

corner crying

00:11:32

while you're

00:11:32

doing

00:11:33

all right

00:11:34

i'm playing

00:11:34

it off cool

00:11:35

i'm definitely

00:11:36

playing it off

00:11:36

cool like

00:11:37

i'm cool

00:11:37

crying

00:11:38

okay

00:11:40

i'm just

00:11:41

gonna pick

00:11:42

up the blue

00:11:43

and uh

00:11:44

and yellow

00:11:44

one and

00:11:45

i'm gonna

00:11:46

you know

00:11:47

put those

00:11:47

in the

00:11:47

sockets

00:11:48

all right

00:11:50

i'm gonna

00:11:52

write down

00:11:52

cool

00:11:53

crying

00:11:54

cool

00:11:55

crying

00:11:56

and that's

00:11:57

all you do

00:11:57

oh yeah

00:11:59

nothing happens

00:12:00

nothing

00:12:01

happens

00:12:02

cool

00:12:05

so what

00:12:06

about you

00:12:06

cool

00:12:06

crying

00:12:07

what do

00:12:07

you think

00:12:07

i am

00:12:08

assuming we

00:12:09

need to put

00:12:09

another gem

00:12:09

in there

00:12:10

yeah

00:12:11

uh

00:12:12

which ones

00:12:12

have we

00:12:12

tried

00:12:13

we gotta

00:12:13

just keep

00:12:14

putting in

00:12:14

different

00:12:15

combinations

00:12:15

uh

00:12:17

i'm gonna do

00:12:17

well there's a lot

00:12:18

of green

00:12:19

purple yellow

00:12:22

green

00:12:22

wait wait wait

00:12:23

hold on

00:12:23

no the blue

00:12:24

and yellow

00:12:24

one is in

00:12:25

there right

00:12:25

now there's

00:12:26

one one

00:12:26

spot open

00:12:27

purple

00:12:28

okay

00:12:33

did you put

00:12:34

it in there

00:12:35

yeah

00:12:36

and then i

00:12:37

nodded

00:12:38

all the gems

00:12:41

fly out hit

00:12:42

both of you in

00:12:42

the forehead and

00:12:43

reappear in the

00:12:44

case

00:12:44

this thing

00:12:46

is rigged

00:12:47

this is a

00:12:48

rigged game

00:12:48

what do you

00:12:50

think before you

00:12:51

just start jamming

00:12:52

things in

00:12:52

i thought purple

00:12:54

would have been

00:12:54

good

00:12:55

but why

00:12:57

why wouldn't

00:12:58

it why would

00:12:59

why didn't you

00:12:59

think the other

00:13:00

ones would work

00:13:00

i had a reason

00:13:02

at least

00:13:02

what was your

00:13:03

reason

00:13:04

blue pants

00:13:05

yellow shirt

00:13:07

look at them

00:13:07

and purple

00:13:09

insides

00:13:10

they don't

00:13:11

have purple

00:13:11

insides

00:13:12

you're right

00:13:14

green yellow

00:13:15

red or

00:13:16

yellow blue

00:13:17

red

00:13:17

that was my

00:13:18

mistake

00:13:19

you put them

00:13:20

in there

00:13:20

yeah

00:13:21

they all fly

00:13:22

out hit you

00:13:23

in the head

00:13:23

and reappear in

00:13:24

the case

00:13:24

one of the

00:13:27

morty i mean

00:13:27

goblins

00:13:28

uh he's known

00:13:30

by pyromaniac

00:13:32

goblin

00:13:34

that's strange

00:13:35

yellow shirt on

00:13:35

fire

00:13:36

uh oh boy

00:13:39

oh boy

00:13:40

uh and what

00:13:42

he's just burning

00:13:43

alive like a

00:13:44

rage against

00:13:44

machine album

00:13:45

yes actually

00:13:47

pyromaniac

00:13:48

or goblin

00:13:49

goblins

00:13:51

what he self

00:13:52

immolates

00:13:53

yes

00:13:54

what is he just

00:13:56

stands there as

00:13:56

he burns alive

00:13:57

yes his yellow

00:13:58

shirt and his

00:13:59

blue pants

00:13:59

that's terrifying

00:14:00

yeah this game

00:14:01

just got real

00:14:02

quick

00:14:02

it's really how

00:14:03

he wanted to go

00:14:04

and that's how

00:14:05

i i don't

00:14:06

know he's been

00:14:07

squealing

00:14:08

no he hasn't

00:14:10

oh no

00:14:10

that that was a

00:14:12

13 year old's

00:14:12

moan

00:14:13

oh

00:14:14

someone was

00:14:15

moaning while

00:14:16

that person was

00:14:17

no

00:14:18

he pyromaniac

00:14:20

more goblin

00:14:21

was moaning

00:14:23

oh

00:14:24

and a good

00:14:27

moan

00:14:27

while yes

00:14:28

while he lit

00:14:29

his his yellow

00:14:31

shirt and his

00:14:31

blue pants on fire

00:14:32

this is fucked

00:14:33

up

00:14:34

what color

00:14:37

book

00:14:37

uh

00:14:40

hey

00:14:42

um

00:14:43

dad

00:14:45

slash

00:14:45

cure

00:14:46

jerry

00:14:47

jerry

00:14:48

yeah maybe i'll

00:14:49

just start calling

00:14:50

you jerry

00:14:50

god damn

00:14:52

mcgarnival

00:14:53

i'm trying

00:14:55

to eat a

00:14:56

sandwich

00:14:56

here

00:14:57

uh

00:14:59

what

00:15:04

your

00:15:04

your gem

00:15:05

your pie gem

00:15:06

yeah

00:15:07

what's it

00:15:08

what is that

00:15:09

uh

00:15:09

what's what

00:15:10

kind of shape

00:15:10

is that

00:15:11

is it

00:15:12

the is

00:15:13

is the pie gem

00:15:14

does it

00:15:14

does it

00:15:15

does it

00:15:15

match the

00:15:15

gem imprint

00:15:17

no

00:15:17

i think you

00:15:19

should try to

00:15:20

stick it in

00:15:20

there anyway

00:15:21

no i like the

00:15:23

smell of it it

00:15:24

makes me smell

00:15:24

very very

00:15:25

fragrant

00:15:26

so one thing

00:15:27

you said no to

00:15:28

you jammed

00:15:29

everything else

00:15:29

in there

00:15:30

not everything

00:15:34

so if i

00:15:37

ask the morties

00:15:39

one of the

00:15:41

goblins

00:15:42

that seemed

00:15:43

awfully

00:15:43

pointed

00:15:45

that uh

00:15:46

whole self

00:15:47

immolation

00:15:47

thing

00:15:48

are they

00:15:49

trying to

00:15:50

tell us

00:15:51

something

00:15:51

oh yeah

00:15:53

oh geez

00:15:53

i think he

00:15:54

i think he

00:15:55

really just

00:15:55

doesn't like

00:15:56

the colors

00:15:56

yellow and

00:15:57

blue

00:15:57

oh

00:15:59

i see

00:16:02

then

00:16:03

why

00:16:04

yeah

00:16:05

i mean

00:16:05

he could have

00:16:06

just taken

00:16:06

them off

00:16:07

it's a standard

00:16:08

uniform

00:16:08

oh geez

00:16:09

wow that is

00:16:11

awfully strict

00:16:12

i'm gonna take

00:16:13

the red

00:16:13

green and

00:16:14

purple and

00:16:15

and put

00:16:15

them in

00:16:16

the slots

00:16:16

all right

00:16:22

and what

00:16:23

do you

00:16:23

do with

00:16:23

the other

00:16:24

two

00:16:24

they stay

00:16:26

in there

00:16:27

they don't

00:16:27

pop out

00:16:27

in the head

00:16:28

nice

00:16:29

this yellow

00:16:31

and blue

00:16:31

jet

00:16:31

i take the

00:16:32

blue one

00:16:33

you take

00:16:33

yellow one

00:16:34

uh

00:16:36

yeah

00:16:37

yellow matches

00:16:38

my hair

00:16:39

and blue

00:16:40

is

00:16:40

the color

00:16:41

of your

00:16:42

tears

00:16:42

yeah

00:16:43

cool

00:16:44

crying

00:16:44

cool

00:16:45

crying

00:16:45

yeah

00:16:48

all right

00:16:49

nothing

00:16:50

happens

00:16:50

all right

00:16:51

stay in

00:16:52

the slots

00:16:52

well that's

00:16:53

pretty cool

00:16:53

so now

00:16:55

what

00:16:55

you're stuck

00:16:56

in this

00:16:56

room still

00:16:57

huh

00:16:58

interesting

00:17:00

i'm stupid

00:17:01

i go over

00:17:03

and i punch

00:17:04

a morty in

00:17:04

the head

00:17:05

what

00:17:06

do you know

00:17:07

that they

00:17:07

they outnumber

00:17:08

us

00:17:09

i didn't

00:17:11

yeah there's

00:17:12

like 30

00:17:13

of them

00:17:13

in this

00:17:13

room

00:17:14

that was

00:17:15

an accident

00:17:15

i thought

00:17:16

it was a

00:17:16

rock

00:17:16

why would

00:17:18

you punch

00:17:19

a rock

00:17:19

i was

00:17:21

mad

00:17:21

all right

00:17:22

uh i'm

00:17:23

gonna start

00:17:24

inspecting the

00:17:24

door uh

00:17:25

to the bottom

00:17:26

of the map

00:17:28

it looks pretty

00:17:30

big is that

00:17:31

on purpose

00:17:32

those doors

00:17:33

no

00:17:33

okay

00:17:33

all right

00:17:35

well you really

00:17:35

phoned in these

00:17:36

doors you made

00:17:36

them gigantic

00:17:37

yeah um

00:17:39

so you inspect

00:17:41

the door

00:17:42

yeah

00:17:42

give me

00:17:44

what is it

00:17:44

what is it

00:17:45

uh

00:17:45

what is it

00:17:47

perception

00:17:48

yeah

00:17:49

or

00:17:50

yeah

00:17:52

investigation

00:17:53

okay

00:17:55

skills

00:17:57

invest

00:17:59

and

00:17:59

investigation

00:18:01

normal

00:18:02

normally

00:18:04

yeah

00:18:08

hey

00:18:08

that's gotta

00:18:09

be worth

00:18:10

something

00:18:10

wow your

00:18:11

intelligence is

00:18:12

really strong

00:18:13

um you

00:18:14

detect no

00:18:15

way to open

00:18:16

these doors

00:18:16

what do they

00:18:18

look like

00:18:19

they're just

00:18:21

big metal

00:18:22

sliding doors

00:18:23

okay

00:18:24

that are locked

00:18:25

into place

00:18:25

how do we

00:18:27

unlock them

00:18:28

just thought

00:18:30

i'd ask

00:18:30

i'd try

00:18:32

are you asking

00:18:33

me or are you

00:18:33

asking uh

00:18:34

a goblin

00:18:35

a goblin

00:18:36

how do i

00:18:36

unlock these

00:18:37

doors

00:18:37

oh geez i

00:18:38

don't know

00:18:39

i think it has

00:18:39

something to do

00:18:40

with that puzzle

00:18:40

over there

00:18:41

it's a we

00:18:42

solved that

00:18:43

puzzle

00:18:43

apparently not

00:18:45

dipshit

00:18:46

oh

00:18:47

well you've

00:18:48

really grown

00:18:49

some set of

00:18:50

balls in the

00:18:50

last couple

00:18:51

of minutes

00:18:51

here

00:18:52

i've grown a

00:18:53

set of balls

00:18:53

you still have

00:18:54

one ass

00:18:54

cheek

00:18:54

still more

00:18:56

ass and all

00:18:56

you put

00:18:56

together

00:18:57

and i'm

00:18:58

gonna march

00:18:58

over by that

00:18:59

puzzle and

00:19:00

uh take a

00:19:01

closer look

00:19:01

all right

00:19:04

and another

00:19:05

uh investigation

00:19:07

oh investigation

00:19:15

investigation

00:19:16

station

00:19:17

investigation

00:19:20

oh that's a

00:19:25

good roll

00:19:25

all right you

00:19:27

see some like

00:19:27

soot from

00:19:28

underneath where

00:19:29

the blue and

00:19:29

yellow gems

00:19:30

were

00:19:31

and so in

00:19:35

the in the

00:19:35

case in the

00:19:36

case yeah

00:19:37

can i brush

00:19:39

the soot off

00:19:40

is there something

00:19:41

underneath the

00:19:42

soot there's

00:19:42

nothing underneath

00:19:43

oh i think

00:19:45

maybe we should

00:19:46

put the gems

00:19:46

back

00:19:47

why

00:19:48

um i

00:19:51

i got a

00:19:52

feeling

00:19:53

i i

00:19:55

while investigating

00:19:57

i noticed some

00:19:57

soot here

00:19:58

all right

00:20:00

i put my

00:20:03

yellow one

00:20:04

back

00:20:04

i put my

00:20:05

blue one

00:20:06

back

00:20:07

nothing happens

00:20:08

a goblin

00:20:13

that is

00:20:14

suspiciously

00:20:15

dressed like

00:20:16

rick sanchez

00:20:18

i've never

00:20:19

heard of her

00:20:20

but just

00:20:21

just with a

00:20:22

uh a lab

00:20:23

jacket out

00:20:23

walks up

00:20:25

calls you guys

00:20:26

both fucking

00:20:27

idiots

00:20:27

takes out the

00:20:29

gems and steps

00:20:30

on them

00:20:30

breaks them into

00:20:32

a million pieces

00:20:32

and the doors

00:20:33

open

00:20:34

huh

00:20:35

that's rude

00:20:36

that was very

00:20:39

rude

00:20:39

oh jeez

00:20:40

you're welcome

00:20:41

yeah

00:20:42

i we didn't

00:20:43

ask for your

00:20:44

help

00:20:44

you guys

00:20:46

needed it

00:20:47

that's

00:20:49

presumptuous

00:20:49

we would have

00:20:51

gotten there

00:20:51

oh jeez

00:20:53

i watched you

00:20:54

struggle like for

00:20:55

10 minutes on

00:20:56

this

00:20:56

you weren't

00:20:57

getting it

00:20:58

you were not

00:20:59

gonna get it

00:21:00

this is right

00:21:01

the suit

00:21:02

the soot hint

00:21:03

was was very

00:21:04

obscure

00:21:05

all of your

00:21:06

brains

00:21:06

must be in

00:21:08

your left

00:21:08

ass cheek

00:21:09

yep

00:21:10

and are in

00:21:11

the one missing

00:21:11

left

00:21:12

the one missing

00:21:13

left butt

00:21:13

cheek

00:21:14

it was left

00:21:15

and and its

00:21:15

name was

00:21:16

alissa

00:21:16

i don't care

00:21:18

what its name

00:21:18

i'm getting and

00:21:19

i'm getting it

00:21:20

back

00:21:20

okay fine

00:21:22

then maybe you'll

00:21:23

actually have some

00:21:24

intelligence

00:21:24

yeah

00:21:27

wow that is rude

00:21:28

why don't you get a

00:21:29

girlfriend and i'm

00:21:30

gonna start off and

00:21:31

down the door that

00:21:32

just opened

00:21:33

by the way

00:21:33

you're dressed like

00:21:34

an ugly goblin

00:21:35

and i walk out too

00:21:36

we are ugly

00:21:40

goblins

00:21:40

i'm gonna tell

00:21:41

that to somebody

00:21:42

next in like

00:21:43

real life

00:21:43

sometime like

00:21:44

if they piss

00:21:45

me off like

00:21:45

you know what

00:21:46

man you're

00:21:46

dressed like

00:21:47

an ugly

00:21:47

goblin

00:21:48

all right

00:21:48

can i slam

00:21:50

the door

00:21:51

what door

00:21:52

they both

00:21:54

opened

00:21:54

the door

00:21:55

yeah

00:21:56

uh i

00:21:58

since we're

00:21:59

closest to the

00:21:59

or i'm

00:22:00

closest to the

00:22:00

bottom one i'm

00:22:01

assuming uh

00:22:02

uh jerry's by

00:22:03

me we'll just

00:22:04

walk through the

00:22:05

bottom one

00:22:06

or i'm

00:22:06

walking through

00:22:07

the bottom

00:22:07

yeah

00:22:07

bottom

00:22:08

for a bottom

00:22:12

bottom

00:22:14

here we go

00:22:15

oh my god

00:22:17

oh it's a sauna

00:22:18

i mean bathroom

00:22:20

you are

00:22:21

this looks like a

00:22:23

really nice

00:22:24

bathroom

00:22:25

decorative porcelain

00:22:26

tiles run from

00:22:27

floor to ceiling

00:22:28

the room smells

00:22:29

clean like a

00:22:30

like freshly squeezed

00:22:31

lemons and pine

00:22:32

a feeling of

00:22:33

relaxation settles

00:22:34

over everyone

00:22:35

who enters

00:22:36

you know i

00:22:38

wonder what it's

00:22:39

gonna be like to

00:22:39

shit with half

00:22:40

an ass

00:22:41

i think it's

00:22:43

kind of

00:22:46

probably uh

00:22:47

one-sided i'd

00:22:48

guess

00:22:48

yeah that would

00:22:50

need some work

00:22:51

i didn't wasn't

00:22:53

trying to make a

00:22:54

joke

00:22:54

it's just

00:22:56

it's just

00:22:58

gonna be a

00:22:58

reality

00:22:59

yeah

00:23:01

yeah

00:23:01

seriously you're

00:23:02

gonna be like

00:23:02

this

00:23:03

i mean it's

00:23:04

not gonna be

00:23:04

fun

00:23:05

does this mean i

00:23:06

can't fart anymore

00:23:06

no

00:23:08

i mean half

00:23:09

farts

00:23:09

you know

00:23:10

it's probably

00:23:11

you're gonna be on

00:23:12

the bone on

00:23:12

i don't even have a

00:23:13

half a fart

00:23:14

i don't think

00:23:15

you're gonna have to

00:23:16

put the head

00:23:16

down

00:23:17

i think it's like a

00:23:18

lasagna if you take

00:23:19

one layer off you

00:23:20

still have a lasagna

00:23:21

no

00:23:23

no i don't think so

00:23:25

if you take if you

00:23:26

have just one

00:23:27

lasagna noodle you

00:23:28

don't have a lasagna

00:23:29

anymore

00:23:30

it's not a fully

00:23:31

baked lasagna

00:23:32

and i it's just not a

00:23:34

fully baked ass

00:23:35

and i'm not gonna have

00:23:36

a fully baked fart

00:23:37

so all right

00:23:38

what's the deal

00:23:39

with this room

00:23:40

you guys are about

00:23:41

two layers short

00:23:42

of a full lasagna

00:23:43

here

00:23:43

yeah

00:23:44

that's

00:23:46

true

00:23:47

okay so we're in

00:23:50

this nice sauna

00:23:51

or

00:23:52

bathroom i'm not

00:23:54

sure

00:23:54

it's a cold

00:23:55

it's a cold sauna

00:23:56

it's a

00:23:57

bathroom

00:23:58

is it a sauna

00:24:00

bathroom

00:24:00

it's a bathroom

00:24:02

does it have

00:24:03

running water

00:24:04

is it clean

00:24:05

go try the

00:24:07

sink

00:24:08

i'm gonna

00:24:09

can i try the

00:24:10

toilet

00:24:10

no you're a woman

00:24:12

yeah you want to go

00:24:13

to the toilet

00:24:14

that's fine

00:24:14

don't do that right

00:24:15

in front of me

00:24:16

you turn around

00:24:17

i can't leave

00:24:19

i oh

00:24:20

you know

00:24:21

absolutely

00:24:21

no i

00:24:22

changed my mind

00:24:23

i i turn

00:24:23

i turn away from the

00:24:24

toilet and push

00:24:25

jerry out of the way

00:24:26

and start washing

00:24:27

off in the in the

00:24:27

sink

00:24:28

well i mean

00:24:29

that that's my

00:24:30

intention i'm gonna

00:24:31

try turning on the

00:24:31

faucet i'm i'm tired

00:24:33

of stinking

00:24:33

all right

00:24:35

well that's just a

00:24:35

shower in here

00:24:36

there's no shower

00:24:37

okay just a sink

00:24:39

and a toilet

00:24:39

and a mirror

00:24:41

all right i'm gonna

00:24:42

take a bubble

00:24:42

shower

00:24:43

all right you

00:24:44

successfully washed

00:24:45

sturgis poop smell

00:24:45

off of you

00:24:46

all right do i

00:24:47

gain points

00:24:47

no can i have a few

00:24:49

points

00:24:50

no you just don't

00:24:51

have a disadvantage

00:24:52

on charm rolls

00:24:55

i think it was

00:24:56

and charisma rolls

00:24:57

is there any

00:24:58

fragrance

00:24:59

not that you try to

00:25:00

use your charm

00:25:00

at all

00:25:01

i'm not gonna charm

00:25:03

my own brother

00:25:03

i didn't

00:25:05

you sicko

00:25:06

i didn't say

00:25:07

for your brother

00:25:08

my brother

00:25:10

my brother

00:25:12

my sister's

00:25:14

covering most

00:25:15

here's your sign

00:25:18

all right

00:25:20

uh i don't really

00:25:23

this is very awkward

00:25:24

for me

00:25:25

yeah well i'm the

00:25:27

one who's standing

00:25:28

by his sink looking

00:25:29

in this nice mirror

00:25:30

you know just checking

00:25:31

myself out

00:25:32

do you guys

00:25:33

notice my ears

00:25:34

are pointing in

00:25:34

this one

00:25:35

the mirror cracks

00:25:37

oh great

00:25:38

that about

00:25:39

that about

00:25:40

sums it up

00:25:42

someone say

00:25:44

some

00:25:44

one of the

00:25:45

shards

00:25:46

actually shows a

00:25:48

picture of cure

00:25:49

crying

00:25:50

cool crying

00:25:53

in a corner

00:25:54

corner crying

00:25:59

not quite as

00:26:00

cool

00:26:00

and you guys

00:26:03

look into another

00:26:04

shard and you

00:26:05

can just see

00:26:06

alissa

00:26:06

having a

00:26:08

just a great

00:26:09

time with the

00:26:10

other butts

00:26:10

that were stolen

00:26:11

yeah what

00:26:12

full butts

00:26:13

is she the only

00:26:14

half butt there

00:26:15

no there's a

00:26:16

couple half butts

00:26:16

okay

00:26:17

what are they

00:26:18

what are they

00:26:19

they're partying

00:26:22

like what are

00:26:23

they doing

00:26:23

they're playing

00:26:24

uh beer

00:26:25

pond

00:26:26

and they're

00:26:28

doing shots

00:26:30

i did see

00:26:31

out of toilets

00:26:32

shots

00:26:34

like little

00:26:36

like little

00:26:37

toilet shots

00:26:38

yeah

00:26:39

oh boy

00:26:41

uh

00:26:42

i did see a butt

00:26:44

play ping pong

00:26:45

one time

00:26:46

that is

00:26:49

disturbing

00:26:49

um also

00:26:50

out of character

00:26:51

or in character

00:26:52

oh this is

00:26:54

out of character

00:26:55

boo is there

00:26:57

i don't know

00:26:58

he's trying to

00:26:59

play it so

00:26:59

cool

00:26:59

i'm very cool

00:27:01

cool cool like

00:27:02

a cucumber

00:27:02

okay

00:27:03

so i feel like

00:27:05

this mirror is

00:27:06

like foreboding

00:27:07

or some shit

00:27:08

foreboding

00:27:09

that too

00:27:11

yes

00:27:12

um

00:27:18

i look closer

00:27:19

at it

00:27:20

do i see

00:27:21

i guess i saw

00:27:22

what was

00:27:23

bad for me

00:27:24

the mirror

00:27:27

fixes itself

00:27:28

and it's just

00:27:29

a normal mirror

00:27:30

now

00:27:30

do i still

00:27:32

look okay

00:27:32

in it

00:27:33

are you gonna

00:27:34

look in it

00:27:35

again

00:27:35

yeah

00:27:36

it breaks

00:27:37

fuck

00:27:38

again

00:27:38

yes

00:27:40

now what

00:27:41

do you

00:27:41

shard have

00:27:41

now

00:27:42

same things

00:27:44

oh god

00:27:45

cool crying

00:27:46

in the corner

00:27:46

this mirrors

00:27:48

except for

00:27:49

now it's like

00:27:49

a sad

00:27:50

crying that

00:27:51

you you

00:27:52

think is

00:27:53

cool but

00:27:53

it's it's

00:27:54

not

00:27:55

what

00:27:56

it's just

00:27:57

not cool

00:27:58

i don't

00:28:02

follow

00:28:02

this game

00:28:03

got dark

00:28:03

it has

00:28:05

we've gone

00:28:07

some twists

00:28:07

and turns

00:28:08

in this

00:28:08

bathroom

00:28:09

how do i

00:28:09

leave i'm

00:28:10

leaving i'm

00:28:10

getting out

00:28:11

of the

00:28:11

bathroom

00:28:11

this

00:28:12

bathroom

00:28:12

is a

00:28:13

one

00:28:13

there's

00:28:14

two

00:28:14

doors

00:28:15

there's

00:28:16

two

00:28:16

doors

00:28:16

what

00:28:18

what is it

00:28:19

what's in the

00:28:19

other one

00:28:19

fucking towels

00:28:20

you came out

00:28:22

or you came

00:28:22

into it

00:28:23

in this

00:28:23

door

00:28:23

the top

00:28:24

door

00:28:25

and then

00:28:26

there's the

00:28:26

bottom

00:28:26

door

00:28:27

i feel like a

00:28:28

bathroom with

00:28:28

two doors

00:28:29

is asking

00:28:29

for trouble

00:28:30

didn't your

00:28:31

grandpa's

00:28:32

house

00:28:32

have two

00:28:32

doors

00:28:33

and it

00:28:33

was asking

00:28:34

for trouble

00:28:34

you know how

00:28:35

many times we

00:28:36

walked in there

00:28:37

on him peeing

00:28:38

too many

00:28:41

he couldn't

00:28:41

i thought he only

00:28:43

peed in the

00:28:43

crossroads of a

00:28:44

highway

00:28:45

i thought that

00:28:46

was like what

00:28:46

he did

00:28:47

no

00:28:47

no

00:28:48

like how

00:28:49

he peed

00:28:50

everywhere

00:28:51

because the

00:28:53

world was his

00:28:54

oyster that's

00:28:55

why

00:28:55

yeah

00:28:56

it was

00:28:56

definitely

00:28:56

his toilet

00:28:57

rip

00:29:01

uh

00:29:02

so are you

00:29:03

going

00:29:03

you're going

00:29:04

all the way

00:29:04

through

00:29:04

yeah i'm

00:29:06

leaving i

00:29:06

don't like

00:29:07

this mirror

00:29:07

i don't want

00:29:08

to see you

00:29:08

go to the

00:29:08

bathroom i'm

00:29:09

out of here

00:29:09

all right

00:29:11

um i'll

00:29:13

follow you

00:29:14

you're going

00:29:15

through the

00:29:15

new door

00:29:16

a new

00:29:16

door

00:29:16

the new

00:29:17

door

00:29:17

the nude

00:29:18

door

00:29:19

which one

00:29:21

is the

00:29:21

nude

00:29:21

door

00:29:21

the bottom

00:29:22

one

00:29:23

the bottom

00:29:23

one

00:29:24

all right

00:29:26

oh fancy

00:29:33

library

00:29:34

oh

00:29:35

now

00:29:35

now we're

00:29:36

in nerd

00:29:37

room

00:29:37

now we're

00:29:38

in my

00:29:38

now we're

00:29:39

in my

00:29:39

uh

00:29:40

have we been

00:29:41

here before

00:29:42

no

00:29:43

inside this

00:29:45

room you see

00:29:46

a genius

00:29:46

ever

00:29:46

sure he's a

00:29:48

stinky bug

00:29:49

bear but

00:29:50

he's a

00:29:50

god damn

00:29:51

genius

00:29:52

he has two

00:29:53

pathetic snot

00:29:54

nose goblins

00:29:54

with him

00:29:55

multiple tables

00:29:56

are stacked

00:29:56

with shit

00:29:57

that your

00:29:58

primitive brains

00:29:58

couldn't dream

00:29:59

of comprehended

00:30:00

we're talking

00:30:01

piles of notes

00:30:02

with magic

00:30:02

symbols the

00:30:03

beautiful mind

00:30:04

you're seeing

00:30:05

here also the

00:30:06

bug bears got

00:30:07

two two

00:30:08

butts

00:30:08

yeah we get

00:30:11

it i'm

00:30:12

missing a

00:30:12

butt cheek

00:30:13

i don't know

00:30:13

why yeah

00:30:14

it's weird

00:30:15

just don't

00:30:17

stare at it

00:30:17

he's kind

00:30:18

of sensitive

00:30:18

oh you

00:30:19

mean two

00:30:20

butts

00:30:20

he has two

00:30:22

butts

00:30:22

so not two

00:30:23

butt cheeks

00:30:24

he's got four

00:30:25

butt cheeks

00:30:25

he's got four

00:30:26

butt cheeks

00:30:27

yes

00:30:27

how many

00:30:28

buttholes

00:30:28

two

00:30:30

oh

00:30:32

oh

00:30:35

the bugbear

00:30:36

the bugbear

00:30:37

the bugbear is the

00:30:38

genius

00:30:39

yes

00:30:39

and then the

00:30:40

other two are

00:30:40

goblins

00:30:41

yeah

00:30:42

okay

00:30:43

hello

00:30:44

mr

00:30:44

bear

00:30:46

i am

00:30:48

i am

00:30:50

a wizard

00:30:51

and this is my

00:30:52

friend summer

00:30:53

okay

00:30:54

don't tell him

00:30:54

my name

00:30:54

i don't want

00:30:55

anyone to know

00:30:55

my name

00:30:56

i did not ask

00:30:57

your name

00:30:58

i don't want you

00:30:59

to know my name

00:31:00

well i'm

00:31:01

tommy two

00:31:01

butts

00:31:02

hello tommy two

00:31:03

butts

00:31:04

i enjoy that

00:31:05

name

00:31:05

i thought

00:31:07

you were

00:31:07

self

00:31:07

well i thought

00:31:08

you were

00:31:08

self-conscious

00:31:09

about that

00:31:10

no

00:31:11

you know

00:31:13

i'm just

00:31:13

it's just

00:31:14

my name

00:31:14

i'm summer

00:31:15

half butt

00:31:16

i see

00:31:18

together we

00:31:20

would still

00:31:20

have too

00:31:21

many butt

00:31:21

cheeks

00:31:21

you're right

00:31:22

can i have

00:31:23

a little bit

00:31:23

never mind

00:31:25

does not

00:31:25

work that

00:31:26

way

00:31:26

i just

00:31:29

want mine

00:31:29

back

00:31:29

now i am

00:31:32

busy if you

00:31:32

can tell me

00:31:33

what you

00:31:33

want

00:31:34

uh

00:31:36

to be

00:31:37

honest we're

00:31:38

just looking

00:31:38

for some

00:31:39

booty

00:31:39

figuratively

00:31:40

and literally

00:31:40

um

00:31:41

yeah my

00:31:42

friend here

00:31:42

is missing

00:31:43

half a butt

00:31:43

would you

00:31:44

have one

00:31:45

to spare

00:31:45

wait

00:31:46

wait

00:31:47

did you

00:31:48

lose it

00:31:48

in the

00:31:49

butt

00:31:49

trap

00:31:49

uh

00:31:50

is that

00:31:51

what that

00:31:51

was

00:31:52

i thought

00:31:52

they were

00:31:53

tits

00:31:53

no

00:31:54

they were

00:31:55

that was

00:31:56

butts

00:31:56

that was

00:31:57

a giant

00:31:58

stone

00:31:59

butt

00:31:59

that

00:32:00

apparently

00:32:01

stole your

00:32:02

butt

00:32:02

half of

00:32:03

your

00:32:03

half of

00:32:03

it

00:32:03

i still

00:32:04

got

00:32:05

a bit

00:32:06

a bit

00:32:06

i've got

00:32:07

you

00:32:08

more

00:32:08

one

00:32:08

really

00:32:09

sad

00:32:10

looking

00:32:10

cheek

00:32:11

figuratively

00:32:12

but it

00:32:13

looks

00:32:14

great

00:32:14

quite

00:32:15

literally

00:32:15

it's

00:32:16

sad

00:32:16

looking

00:32:16

i've

00:32:17

got more

00:32:17

and a half

00:32:18

it's

00:32:18

depressed

00:32:21

my young

00:32:21

apprentice

00:32:24

over here

00:32:24

and it

00:32:25

points to

00:32:26

one of

00:32:26

the

00:32:26

goblins

00:32:26

and he's

00:32:27

he's

00:32:28

cool

00:32:28

he's

00:32:29

cool

00:32:29

crying

00:32:29

you

00:32:30

you

00:32:30

know

00:32:30

i

00:32:31

have

00:32:32

been

00:32:32

being

00:32:33

so

00:32:33

polite

00:32:33

not

00:32:34

pointing

00:32:34

out

00:32:34

your

00:32:34

two

00:32:34

butts

00:32:35

and

00:32:35

you've

00:32:36

done

00:32:36

nothing

00:32:36

but point

00:32:37

out

00:32:37

my

00:32:37

deformities

00:32:38

i find it

00:32:38

quite rude

00:32:39

it's a little

00:32:41

rude

00:32:41

it's a little

00:32:43

anti-ableist

00:32:44

yeah

00:32:45

or is it

00:32:46

ableist

00:32:47

i don't

00:32:47

remember

00:32:47

what

00:32:48

is it

00:32:48

anti-ableist

00:32:49

i mean if

00:32:50

you want to

00:32:50

be able

00:32:51

or is it

00:32:52

you're

00:32:52

unable

00:32:53

what

00:32:53

i'm

00:32:53

honestly

00:32:54

dad

00:32:54

i just

00:32:55

look

00:32:55

i'm just

00:32:56

so embarrassed

00:32:57

dad

00:32:59

just

00:33:00

honey

00:33:00

we have

00:33:01

to be

00:33:02

concerned

00:33:02

about

00:33:02

people's

00:33:03

feelings

00:33:03

on this

00:33:03

we live

00:33:04

in a

00:33:04

very

00:33:04

modern

00:33:05

world

00:33:05

and i

00:33:05

refuse

00:33:06

to be

00:33:06

known

00:33:06

as

00:33:06

politically

00:33:07

incorrect

00:33:08

oh

00:33:09

i am

00:33:10

working on

00:33:11

something

00:33:11

very

00:33:11

important

00:33:12

to get

00:33:13

butts

00:33:13

back

00:33:14

now

00:33:14

mr

00:33:15

two

00:33:15

butts

00:33:15

what are

00:33:16

your

00:33:16

preferred

00:33:16

pronouns

00:33:17

oh

00:33:19

you can

00:33:20

call me

00:33:21

mr

00:33:22

two

00:33:22

but

00:33:22

don't

00:33:23

respond

00:33:23

to him

00:33:23

just

00:33:24

ignore

00:33:24

him

00:33:25

i am

00:33:25

tell me

00:33:26

two

00:33:26

butts

00:33:26

and you

00:33:26

just

00:33:27

ignore

00:33:27

him

00:33:28

oh

00:33:30

now if

00:33:31

you please

00:33:32

leave

00:33:33

i am

00:33:34

trying to

00:33:34

find a

00:33:34

way

00:33:35

to get

00:33:36

other

00:33:36

people

00:33:37

their

00:33:37

butts

00:33:37

back

00:33:37

uh

00:33:38

how about

00:33:39

me

00:33:39

i just

00:33:40

cannot

00:33:40

figure

00:33:41

it

00:33:41

out

00:33:41

can

00:33:42

i

00:33:42

help

00:33:43

do

00:33:45

you

00:33:45

need

00:33:45

a

00:33:45

human

00:33:45

sacrifice

00:33:46

if

00:33:47

you

00:33:48

want

00:33:48

to

00:33:48

help

00:33:49

then

00:33:49

you

00:33:49

can

00:33:49

take

00:33:49

a

00:33:49

look

00:33:50

at

00:33:50

my

00:33:50

notes

00:33:50

and he

00:33:51

points

00:33:51

randomly

00:33:51

at

00:33:52

one

00:33:52

of

00:33:52

the

00:33:52

tables

00:33:52

uh

00:33:54

okay

00:33:56

and

00:33:57

i look

00:33:58

at the

00:33:58

table

00:33:59

uh

00:34:00

it's

00:34:00

just

00:34:01

i'm

00:34:02

assuming

00:34:02

he's

00:34:02

he's

00:34:02

kind

00:34:03

of

00:34:03

like

00:34:03

a

00:34:03

mad

00:34:03

scientist

00:34:04

so

00:34:04

he's

00:34:04

got

00:34:04

like

00:34:04

a

00:34:05

bunch

00:34:05

of

00:34:05

unordered

00:34:05

papers

00:34:06

on

00:34:06

his

00:34:07

desk

00:34:07

yes

00:34:08

and i

00:34:08

start

00:34:08

shuffling

00:34:09

through

00:34:09

um

00:34:10

trying to

00:34:11

make heads

00:34:12

or tails

00:34:12

of any

00:34:12

of the

00:34:12

notes

00:34:13

yeah

00:34:14

is it

00:34:17

how is it

00:34:17

going

00:34:18

um

00:34:18

so

00:34:18

on the

00:34:19

table

00:34:19

sit a

00:34:20

bunch of

00:34:20

incomprehensible

00:34:21

named

00:34:22

parts

00:34:22

and a

00:34:23

long metal

00:34:23

tube

00:34:24

etched

00:34:24

with magic

00:34:25

symbols

00:34:25

ah

00:34:28

symbol

00:34:28

tube

00:34:28

i remember

00:34:29

these

00:34:30

from

00:34:30

my

00:34:31

college

00:34:32

days

00:34:32

what's

00:34:36

it say

00:34:36

roll a

00:34:37

history

00:34:37

check

00:34:38

uh

00:34:41

history

00:34:44

oh i

00:34:45

have good

00:34:46

history i

00:34:46

think

00:34:47

yeah buddy

00:34:50

16

00:34:51

16

00:34:52

you do

00:34:53

in fact

00:34:54

remember

00:34:54

seeing one

00:34:55

of these

00:34:55

tubes

00:34:55

in your

00:34:57

college

00:34:58

visit

00:35:00

days

00:35:00

right

00:35:01

yep

00:35:01

when i

00:35:01

was kissing

00:35:02

ladies

00:35:02

and you

00:35:04

remember

00:35:05

what

00:35:05

some kind

00:35:06

of

00:35:06

don't listen

00:35:07

dad

00:35:07

kind of

00:35:08

foul liquid

00:35:09

being poured

00:35:09

down it

00:35:10

into your

00:35:10

throat

00:35:10

oh it's

00:35:12

one of

00:35:13

these

00:35:13

it's

00:35:14

yes

00:35:15

i think

00:35:15

you used

00:35:16

it as

00:35:16

a beer

00:35:16

bond

00:35:16

oh

00:35:17

yep

00:35:18

i remember

00:35:19

this

00:35:19

uh

00:35:20

yeah

00:35:20

it was

00:35:21

for

00:35:21

drinking

00:35:22

water

00:35:24

right

00:35:26

that

00:35:27

fast

00:35:27

i know

00:35:28

what a

00:35:28

beer

00:35:28

bong

00:35:29

i'm not

00:35:31

completely

00:35:31

stupid

00:35:32

well

00:35:34

now you

00:35:36

tell me

00:35:36

who got

00:35:37

you that

00:35:37

alcohol

00:35:38

no maybe

00:35:39

you did

00:35:40

back in

00:35:41

your day

00:35:41

but in

00:35:42

my day

00:35:42

kids just

00:35:43

vaped and

00:35:45

drank water

00:35:45

well

00:35:47

kids these

00:35:48

days

00:35:48

they don't

00:35:51

know how to

00:35:51

have a good

00:35:51

time

00:35:52

i'll have

00:35:54

to show you

00:35:54

how to

00:35:54

use this

00:35:55

honey

00:35:55

it's

00:35:55

called

00:35:55

a

00:35:56

beer

00:35:57

bong

00:35:57

that

00:35:58

is

00:35:58

the

00:35:58

last

00:35:59

thing

00:35:59

i want

00:35:59

dad

00:36:00

tell me

00:36:01

two

00:36:01

but

00:36:01

says

00:36:01

that

00:36:01

is

00:36:02

not

00:36:02

a

00:36:02

beer

00:36:02

bond

00:36:03

and

00:36:03

anyone

00:36:04

who

00:36:04

has

00:36:04

used

00:36:04

it

00:36:04

as

00:36:04

such

00:36:05

is

00:36:05

an

00:36:05

idiot

00:36:06

all right

00:36:09

well

00:36:09

he doesn't

00:36:10

know

00:36:10

he's

00:36:11

awfully

00:36:12

judgy

00:36:12

for a

00:36:12

man

00:36:13

with

00:36:13

two

00:36:13

butts

00:36:13

he

00:36:14

doesn't

00:36:14

know

00:36:15

what

00:36:15

he

00:36:15

has

00:36:15

he

00:36:16

thinks

00:36:16

it's

00:36:16

what

00:36:16

it

00:36:16

is

00:36:17

but

00:36:17

says

00:36:17

a

00:36:18

child

00:36:18

with

00:36:18

one

00:36:19

half

00:36:19

a

00:36:19

butt

00:36:20

i

00:36:21

didn't

00:36:21

say

00:36:21

that

00:36:22

all

00:36:27

right

00:36:27

so

00:36:28

uh

00:36:29

this

00:36:29

is

00:36:29

definitely

00:36:29

a

00:36:29

beer

00:36:30

bong

00:36:30

and

00:36:30

what

00:36:31

do

00:36:32

what

00:36:32

do

00:36:32

we

00:36:33

do

00:36:33

now

00:36:34

uh

00:36:35

when

00:36:36

you

00:36:37

take

00:36:37

all

00:36:37

the

00:36:37

other

00:36:38

notes

00:36:38

and

00:36:39

look

00:36:39

at

00:36:39

them

00:36:39

will

00:36:41

both

00:36:42

of

00:36:42

you

00:36:42

do

00:36:43

an

00:36:43

intelligence

00:36:44

check

00:36:45

um

00:36:54

so

00:36:56

under

00:36:56

checks

00:36:56

yeah

00:36:59

all right

00:37:00

oh

00:37:03

yeah

00:37:03

bitchin

00:37:04

so

00:37:04

so

00:37:05

stupid

00:37:05

um

00:37:08

so

00:37:09

read

00:37:11

this

00:37:12

uh

00:37:13

jerry

00:37:15

is the

00:37:16

one that

00:37:16

can

00:37:16

actually

00:37:17

figure

00:37:18

this

00:37:18

out

00:37:19

it's

00:37:20

yeah

00:37:20

the

00:37:21

first

00:37:21

one is

00:37:21

called

00:37:21

the

00:37:22

flabulator

00:37:22

one of

00:37:23

those

00:37:24

incomprehensibly

00:37:25

named

00:37:25

parts

00:37:25

must be

00:37:26

connected

00:37:26

to the

00:37:27

chrono

00:37:29

mitten

00:37:29

this requires

00:37:31

the flabulator

00:37:31

to be the

00:37:32

target of a

00:37:32

spell that

00:37:33

causes the

00:37:33

creature to

00:37:34

regain

00:37:35

hit points

00:37:36

what

00:37:39

ah

00:37:40

this is a

00:37:41

the flabulator

00:37:42

it's

00:37:44

something to do

00:37:44

with hit

00:37:44

points

00:37:45

it's not a

00:37:46

deflabulator

00:37:47

it's a

00:37:47

flabulator

00:37:48

it's a

00:37:49

flabulator

00:37:49

it's a

00:37:51

reflabulator

00:37:52

a flubulator

00:37:53

it's just a

00:37:54

flabulator

00:37:55

it's a

00:37:56

flubber

00:37:56

okay

00:37:57

um

00:37:59

who's

00:37:59

so

00:38:00

jerry do you

00:38:02

have it

00:38:02

are you

00:38:02

keeping it

00:38:03

yeah i'm

00:38:04

keeping this

00:38:04

all right

00:38:05

i slowly

00:38:07

pocket it

00:38:08

i'm just

00:38:09

kidding

00:38:10

i'm just

00:38:10

kidding

00:38:10

i'm just

00:38:10

kidding

00:38:10

calm down

00:38:11

i just

00:38:14

wanted to

00:38:15

take up a

00:38:15

closer look

00:38:16

at it

00:38:16

yes

00:38:18

it's a

00:38:20

deflabulator

00:38:20

do you need

00:38:22

me to read

00:38:22

that again

00:38:23

yes

00:38:23

the flabulator

00:38:26

one of those

00:38:27

incomprehensibly

00:38:28

named parts

00:38:28

must be

00:38:29

connected to

00:38:30

the chronometer

00:38:31

this requires

00:38:34

this requires

00:38:35

the flabulator

00:38:37

to be the

00:38:37

target of a

00:38:38

spell that

00:38:39

causes a

00:38:40

creature to

00:38:40

regain hit

00:38:41

points

00:38:42

i think

00:38:44

what and

00:38:45

who is saying

00:38:46

this

00:38:46

dead is what

00:38:47

jerry read in

00:38:49

the notes

00:38:49

okay

00:38:50

i don't have

00:38:52

that kind of

00:38:52

hit points

00:38:53

though

00:38:53

you don't have

00:38:54

anything that

00:38:54

gains hit

00:38:55

points

00:38:56

you don't have

00:38:58

like a healing

00:38:58

thing

00:38:58

you don't

00:38:59

have a cure

00:39:00

wounds

00:39:00

no

00:39:02

i don't think

00:39:03

so

00:39:03

i have

00:39:05

in my spell

00:39:05

book i have

00:39:06

burning hands

00:39:06

detect magic

00:39:07

mage armor

00:39:08

magic missile

00:39:09

and sleep

00:39:10

sleep does that

00:39:11

gain

00:39:12

it does not

00:39:13

as far as

00:39:15

that uh

00:39:16

all i do

00:39:16

is i can

00:39:18

regain magical

00:39:18

energy by

00:39:19

studying my

00:39:19

spell book

00:39:20

but that's

00:39:20

all right

00:39:21

it just has

00:39:22

to regain

00:39:22

hit points

00:39:23

in some

00:39:24

way

00:39:24

doesn't have

00:39:26

to be targeted

00:39:26

by a spell

00:39:27

oh so i

00:39:29

did you change

00:39:30

what what it

00:39:31

was

00:39:31

me

00:39:33

yeah

00:39:34

no

00:39:34

oh

00:39:35

then we

00:39:36

you have

00:39:37

some kind

00:39:38

of

00:39:38

oh no

00:39:39

did we use

00:39:40

it all

00:39:40

the serum

00:39:44

for gaining

00:39:45

health

00:39:46

oh i got

00:39:47

plus healing

00:39:48

potion

00:39:48

yeah

00:39:49

something

00:39:49

you

00:39:49

you caught

00:39:50

one out of

00:39:51

the out of

00:39:51

the flame

00:39:52

skulls

00:39:52

dead buddy

00:39:53

andy

00:39:53

wow

00:39:55

all right

00:39:56

and then we

00:39:57

need the

00:39:57

continuator

00:39:58

here you

00:40:00

go

00:40:00

good job

00:40:03

is what

00:40:04

there is a

00:40:05

continuator on

00:40:06

the on the

00:40:06

desk

00:40:07

no

00:40:08

no

00:40:08

no it

00:40:10

has to be

00:40:10

connected to

00:40:11

the chronomiton

00:40:12

yeah that's

00:40:12

what i said

00:40:13

okay

00:40:14

so

00:40:16

he handed

00:40:18

it to

00:40:19

me

00:40:20

okay

00:40:20

i connect

00:40:21

it

00:40:21

sure

00:40:22

all right

00:40:23

and then i'm

00:40:24

just gonna

00:40:24

dump some

00:40:25

healing potion

00:40:25

on it

00:40:26

okay that

00:40:27

joins the

00:40:28

two together

00:40:28

nice

00:40:29

all right

00:40:31

the gleep

00:40:32

freebie

00:40:32

freebie

00:40:33

mechanism

00:40:34

must be

00:40:34

calibrated

00:40:35

by targeting

00:40:35

it with a

00:40:36

fire based

00:40:37

spell

00:40:37

uh-oh

00:40:39

who around

00:40:41

here has a

00:40:41

fire based

00:40:42

spell

00:40:43

i don't think

00:40:45

i do in

00:40:46

this one

00:40:46

oh you

00:40:47

don't

00:40:48

i thought you

00:40:48

said you

00:40:48

had fireball

00:40:49

it's a

00:40:50

cantrip

00:40:51

i think i

00:40:53

have frost

00:40:53

i think

00:40:54

yeah he has

00:40:54

ray of

00:40:55

frost

00:40:55

oh

00:40:56

oh burning

00:41:01

hands

00:41:01

burning hands

00:41:02

is i thought

00:41:03

that was

00:41:04

that i

00:41:04

thought that

00:41:05

i thought

00:41:05

that was

00:41:05

just something

00:41:06

else i

00:41:06

thought we

00:41:06

decided that

00:41:07

i thought

00:41:07

that was a

00:41:08

sex move

00:41:08

burning hands

00:41:12

was burning

00:41:12

hands again i

00:41:13

thought i don't

00:41:14

think that was

00:41:14

fireball

00:41:15

it's not that

00:41:16

player ball but

00:41:17

does it say

00:41:19

here what

00:41:20

spells

00:41:23

a thin sheet

00:41:27

of flames

00:41:28

maybe it is a

00:41:29

fireball

00:41:29

okay i guess it's a

00:41:43

thin sheet of flames

00:41:44

that shoots from my

00:41:45

outstretched fingertips

00:41:46

that's kind of a

00:41:47

fireball

00:41:48

that's a fireball

00:41:48

well i mean it's

00:41:50

not a fireball

00:41:51

fireball is a

00:41:52

fireball it just

00:41:52

has to be touched

00:41:53

by fire

00:41:54

all right i

00:41:54

touch it with my

00:41:55

pain to be

00:41:57

calibrated by

00:41:58

targeting it with

00:41:59

a fire based

00:42:00

spell such as

00:42:02

the firebolt

00:42:03

i don't have a

00:42:05

firebolt i have

00:42:06

fire hands such

00:42:07

as firebolt it

00:42:09

just has to be

00:42:10

targeted by a

00:42:11

fire based spell

00:42:13

does fire hands

00:42:14

work yes

00:42:16

burning hands

00:42:17

burning hands

00:42:19

works

00:42:19

yeah burning

00:42:21

man

00:42:21

all right

00:42:22

bye i

00:42:23

lose a spell

00:42:25

slot for that

00:42:25

for what okay

00:42:28

because it wasn't

00:42:29

a cantrip

00:42:30

oh he's right

00:42:31

you know

00:42:32

he's right

00:42:34

he's right

00:42:36

oh he's right

00:42:38

the jock

00:42:39

dracal spring

00:42:40

tube needs to be

00:42:41

carefully primed

00:42:42

by being targeted

00:42:43

by any range

00:42:44

spell attack

00:42:45

or the magic

00:42:47

missile spell

00:42:48

so jerry is

00:42:49

saying all this

00:42:50

he's reading it

00:42:52

off of the notes

00:42:53

okay

00:42:54

did i have to do

00:42:55

my magic missile

00:42:56

yes

00:42:57

fuck all right

00:42:59

magic

00:42:59

or spell attack

00:43:00

or so i can just

00:43:02

do ray of magic

00:43:03

or does it

00:43:03

you can do ray of

00:43:04

frost yes

00:43:05

all right i'll do

00:43:06

ray of frost my

00:43:07

cantrip

00:43:07

okay that i will

00:43:09

accept that

00:43:09

or what about

00:43:11

mage hand

00:43:11

that is not a

00:43:14

spell attack

00:43:14

could be

00:43:16

got you there

00:43:16

it's not

00:43:17

maybe i don't

00:43:19

remember what

00:43:19

that is

00:43:19

okay so once

00:43:21

once you do

00:43:22

all of those

00:43:23

excruciatingly

00:43:25

long longer than

00:43:27

i thought

00:43:28

would take

00:43:29

tasks

00:43:30

this weapon

00:43:32

forms together

00:43:33

just magically

00:43:34

comes together

00:43:35

and tommy two

00:43:37

butts comes

00:43:37

running over

00:43:38

and goes oh

00:43:38

my god you

00:43:39

did it

00:43:39

you actually

00:43:40

were able

00:43:41

to assemble

00:43:42

the churd

00:43:43

cannon

00:43:43

oh

00:43:44

i thought it

00:43:47

was gonna be

00:43:47

the butt

00:43:48

you later

00:43:48

or something

00:43:49

no it's the

00:43:52

churd cannon

00:43:52

great

00:43:53

churd it

00:43:56

good job

00:43:58

that's exactly

00:43:59

what we need

00:44:00

is more

00:44:00

churds

00:44:00

poodles of

00:44:03

churds

00:44:03

all right

00:44:08

and he gets

00:44:09

so excited

00:44:10

that he offers

00:44:10

to come

00:44:11

with you

00:44:12

to

00:44:13

destroy the

00:44:16

the butt

00:44:17

trap

00:44:18

from the

00:44:19

former room

00:44:20

is my butt

00:44:21

like within

00:44:23

the butt

00:44:23

trap now

00:44:24

yes

00:44:25

oh okay

00:44:26

your butt

00:44:27

was taken

00:44:27

by the butt

00:44:28

trap

00:44:28

yeah but

00:44:29

my butt

00:44:30

is at some

00:44:30

kind of butt

00:44:31

party

00:44:31

not the fun

00:44:33

kind

00:44:33

i bet you

00:44:35

that that

00:44:35

but your

00:44:35

butt's not

00:44:36

having a good

00:44:36

time at that

00:44:37

party i mean

00:44:37

she it's only

00:44:38

half a butt

00:44:39

and is the

00:44:40

butt party

00:44:40

in the

00:44:41

stone

00:44:41

butt

00:44:42

i bet you

00:44:43

the butt

00:44:43

party is

00:44:44

like a

00:44:44

hell hole

00:44:44

is that a

00:44:47

pun i can't

00:44:48

tell anymore

00:44:48

it's not

00:44:50

but i bet you

00:44:51

the butt

00:44:51

party stinks

00:44:52

that's i'm

00:44:53

i'm gonna go

00:44:54

make another

00:44:54

drink

00:44:54

what is it

00:44:56

break time

00:44:56

already

00:44:57

is it

00:44:58

is this a

00:44:58

character

00:44:59

or is this

00:44:59

a

00:44:59

no this is

00:45:00

this is

00:45:01

andrew

00:45:02

korea

00:45:02

you're

00:45:03

really

00:45:04

yes

00:45:05

i thought it

00:45:06

was short

00:45:07

for andiford

00:45:07

i've been

00:45:09

calling him

00:45:09

crandle

00:45:11

crap apple

00:45:15

so should i

00:45:21

make a drink

00:45:22

or wait until

00:45:22

annie comes

00:45:23

back and

00:45:23

then say

00:45:23

i'm gonna go

00:45:24

make a drink

00:45:24

go make a

00:45:25

drink i'm

00:45:26

gonna make

00:45:26

one right

00:45:27

here

00:45:27

zachariah

00:45:30

harris

00:45:31

yeah

00:45:32

the hell is

00:45:34

that

00:45:34

i found it

00:45:36

at a

00:45:37

garage sale

00:45:38

yeah

00:45:39

at a

00:45:39

garage sale

00:45:40

at a

00:45:40

liquor store

00:45:41

in

00:45:41

lamont

00:45:42

oh god

00:45:44

bless you

00:45:44

yeah

00:45:45

yeah

00:45:47

in a little

00:45:48

bit

00:45:48

a little bit

00:45:51

are you gonna

00:45:53

go get a

00:45:54

drink or

00:45:54

what

00:45:54

i guess

00:46:00

if i have

00:46:01

to

00:46:01

i'm

00:46:02

peer

00:46:02

pressure

00:46:03

you

00:46:03

you

00:46:03

Thank you.

00:47:03

I'm trying to buy the house.

00:47:12

Your house?

00:47:14

Yeah.

00:47:15

How's that going?

00:47:17

I just started yesterday, but I think it's going pretty good.

00:47:21

What do you got to do?

00:47:23

Got to talk to the loan manager who will give me the loan.

00:47:30

And since it's my grandma's house, it's a lot easier.

00:47:33

We don't need two realtors involved.

00:47:34

We don't need two lawyers.

00:47:36

So it's relatively easy.

00:47:39

That's good.

00:47:39

But it's still kind of confusing.

00:47:42

Oh, yeah.

00:47:42

But I mean, I wouldn't know how to.

00:47:44

I bought this place without Bridget helping me out.

00:47:46

Shit with escrow and all that crap.

00:47:49

Yeah.

00:47:50

I don't even know what those words mean.

00:47:51

And basically, from my understanding, is that you make payments into this thing called an escrow account.

00:47:57

And then, you know, twice a year, then that's what they take the money out to pay for their stuff.

00:48:03

They will put more money in depending on, like, their averages.

00:48:06

So, like, sometimes I'll get a check in the mail, like, saying that.

00:48:10

It hasn't happened yet, but sometimes you'll get a check saying you overpaid because they overestimated for the taxes and everything in the year.

00:48:16

Oh, okay.

00:48:17

Most of the time, it just ends up going up because, you know, taxes.

00:48:21

Yeah.

00:48:21

I mean, why not?

00:48:23

Yeah.

00:48:24

But basically, that's how my understanding is, is that all your money that you make payments go to in that account.

00:48:29

And then the bank uses that account to pay your mortgage.

00:48:32

Oh, okay.

00:48:33

You know, so, but, yeah, that's the long and skinny of it.

00:48:36

Yeah, that's something I kind of talked to them about.

00:48:39

Yeah, it's not too bad.

00:48:43

It's just, you know.

00:48:47

Since it's going from, you know, like, grandma to me, they have something called a gift of equity.

00:48:53

Yeah.

00:48:54

So, if the house appraises at, let's say, $110, but I'm buying it for $90, the bank will give me a loan for $110,000.

00:49:03

I have $20,000 in equity.

00:49:06

But I can use that equity to put towards a down payment.

00:49:10

So, I don't have to do the PIM or the MIP or the PMI.

00:49:16

Is that how much you think you're going to have to pay for it?

00:49:20

Yeah.

00:49:21

I don't think Dad's going to charge me over and not be for it.

00:49:24

That's not a bad price.

00:49:25

I paid $175,000 for this place, so.

00:49:27

Yeah, but you have two bedrooms.

00:49:29

Right.

00:49:30

I don't, I just, no, I'm just saying that's not a bad price compared to me.

00:49:33

I don't know what your house looks like at all.

00:49:35

It's 640 square feet.

00:49:37

It's a very small place.

00:49:39

Yeah, is it?

00:49:40

How many bedrooms?

00:49:40

One.

00:49:41

One?

00:49:42

Yeah.

00:49:43

Yeah.

00:49:44

Still good enough for you, right?

00:49:45

Yeah, it's fine for me, yeah.

00:49:47

And then when I meet somebody and they, you know, eventually want to move in together, they can either come here or we can buy a house and rent this place out.

00:49:55

That'd be nice.

00:49:58

To find someone?

00:49:59

Yeah, it would.

00:49:59

No, to have a rent.

00:50:02

Oh, yeah, that too, I guess.

00:50:04

Oh, good, he didn't hear us.

00:50:07

Oh, I don't think he could.

00:50:10

Oh, no, he's going to listen to the podcast.

00:50:11

He's going to know.

00:50:13

I edit the podcast.

00:50:14

Tiger doesn't listen to podcasts.

00:50:16

He doesn't believe in them.

00:50:18

He's too hoity-toity for podcasts.

00:50:21

Yeah, he says they're too long.

00:50:23

Too long and boring.

00:50:26

That's why he listens to them at four times speed.

00:50:28

Do you?

00:50:30

I've gotten some of my shit up to two times speed, but that's as fast as I can go.

00:50:34

I don't know if he actually does.

00:50:38

He does for the podcast, and it does make sense because podcasts have a lot more breaks than me.

00:50:45

Yeah, but I don't think he does it four times.

00:50:48

I don't think he can.

00:50:50

That's like...

00:50:51

You can't follow him.

00:50:52

What?

00:50:52

All right, so...

00:50:56

Tommy Two Butts here has offered to help you destroy the butt trap.

00:51:02

And I've been guaranteed my butt is inside that butt.

00:51:06

Yes.

00:51:07

What is the reattachment procedure like?

00:51:10

I'm asking Tommy Two Butts.

00:51:11

It just happens.

00:51:13

It's not painful?

00:51:15

It's just...

00:51:15

Yeah.

00:51:15

Just like how it was taken is just how it would be put back on.

00:51:19

This isn't some kind of monkey's paw thing where they're going to put my butt on backwards or something.

00:51:24

I'm going to have to shit off the side of my ass.

00:51:26

You don't make a wish when you destroy a trap.

00:51:28

Okay.

00:51:29

Well, my wish is to have my butt back.

00:51:31

Well, I don't have a monkey's paw.

00:51:33

All right, then.

00:51:35

So what do you guys do?

00:51:38

Well, let's go.

00:51:41

I'm wrong.

00:51:41

Which way are you going?

00:51:42

Going back to the butt.

00:51:44

Okay.

00:51:46

How are you getting there?

00:51:47

Oh, you're going to make us walk all the way back?

00:51:51

There's three doors in here.

00:51:52

You can walk all the way back if you want to.

00:51:54

Yeah, we're going to walk all the way back.

00:51:56

You're going to walk back the way you came.

00:51:58

I'm trying to think.

00:52:01

What's going to bite us in the butt if we go back the same way?

00:52:06

Do we run away from anything?

00:52:08

Do we run away from anything?

00:52:08

We don't have one of these random doors.

00:52:09

No.

00:52:10

We don't have any time to fool around.

00:52:12

I got to get my butt back.

00:52:13

All my strength and confidence is in my butt.

00:52:15

Is it, though?

00:52:17

Honey, you're beautiful on the inside.

00:52:20

That doesn't count for anything.

00:52:22

You know what's beautiful on the outside?

00:52:24

Mother Teresa, and she died an old hag.

00:52:26

I don't know.

00:52:27

There's been a lot of things that have come to light recently,

00:52:30

if you believe in that kind of thing.

00:52:31

So she wasn't even beautiful on the inside.

00:52:33

My God.

00:52:35

No, she was actually a very bad person.

00:52:37

Really?

00:52:38

Really?

00:52:38

Yes.

00:52:38

What did she do again?

00:52:40

There's a bunch of stuff.

00:52:42

Let's not get into it now.

00:52:43

I only have 30 minutes.

00:52:46

Is it rape?

00:52:47

Don't think it's rape.

00:52:50

All right.

00:52:51

This game got dark.

00:52:53

All right.

00:52:56

All right.

00:52:57

I go out one of these random doors.

00:52:58

Which one?

00:52:59

I don't even know where I'm at.

00:53:01

I go out this one.

00:53:02

All right.

00:53:03

Go out the left door.

00:53:04

Yeah, the left door.

00:53:06

Which one I come in from?

00:53:07

I am not following.

00:53:09

Can I watch him go through the door?

00:53:12

Yeah.

00:53:13

You watch, honey, as I go through this door and save the day.

00:53:18

I'm going to get you your butt.

00:53:21

That is the Max Skyblade promise.

00:53:24

You all have to go through it.

00:53:26

Don't tell me what to do.

00:53:28

What?

00:53:31

I have to follow him?

00:53:32

Yes.

00:53:33

All right.

00:53:35

But I'm not happy about it.

00:53:36

Me neither.

00:53:37

But I'm going.

00:53:38

All right.

00:53:44

So can we go through this door?

00:53:46

Yes.

00:53:46

Hold on.

00:53:47

All right.

00:53:48

I just want to make sure it wasn't locked like last time.

00:53:50

We had to hit it with gemstones again.

00:53:53

Oh, you got to turn off vision.

00:53:55

Oh, it's the one I didn't.

00:53:57

Oh, no.

00:54:03

Oh, sweet Jesus.

00:54:04

This is a fucking horror movie.

00:54:06

We're in the, we're in like the, the basement at the Blair Witch Project.

00:54:11

Small, well-lit chamber opens up before you.

00:54:14

In the middle of the floor are two five foot square stone tiles that look like the doors of a pit.

00:54:22

Once you're all in there, the door slams shut.

00:54:26

The two tiles in the middle of the floor fall away and an ominous digital countdown timer rises from the floor.

00:54:38

Oh, great.

00:54:39

Now, honey, let's just wait.

00:54:43

This could be good.

00:54:46

What, do you think it's counting down to like when a bunch of balloons are going to fall from the ceiling?

00:54:51

Yeah, you know, it could, it could be our lucky day.

00:54:56

We could be the 1000th person to walk in here.

00:55:00

You know, like, why is it counting time?

00:55:03

It's not, it's not.

00:55:05

It just rose up.

00:55:07

And the timer is just sitting there.

00:55:09

But both of the doors are closed, though.

00:55:11

Oh, boy.

00:55:13

All right.

00:55:13

So it's not counting down.

00:55:15

It's not counting down.

00:55:17

Does it does it look like we could like start the timer if we wanted to?

00:55:22

Yeah.

00:55:22

Can I pick up the timer and just pocket it and walk out?

00:55:26

You cannot walk out.

00:55:27

The doors are locked.

00:55:28

Oh, good.

00:55:30

This fucking game.

00:55:32

Those.

00:55:32

So there's you said there's two tiles.

00:55:34

They look like trap doors, basically.

00:55:37

Yeah, they fell open.

00:55:38

And they are indeed trap doors to an abyss.

00:55:41

And you don't know.

00:55:44

But.

00:55:45

So it looks so from where we're standing, it just looks like they go down.

00:55:49

We can't tell yet.

00:55:50

You can't tell.

00:55:52

No.

00:55:52

OK, no.

00:55:53

It just looks like they're a bottom bottomless bit.

00:55:56

All right.

00:55:57

Can I look in one?

00:55:58

I want to step up closer to it and look at it.

00:56:03

OK.

00:56:03

And I look down.

00:56:06

I just see darkness.

00:56:06

Yeah, that's all you see.

00:56:08

I would.

00:56:09

I would like to throw a flare down there.

00:56:14

Do you have those?

00:56:17

I have a torch.

00:56:18

How many?

00:56:20

Ten.

00:56:21

Oh, OK.

00:56:23

So you light it and throw it down there?

00:56:26

Yeah, I don't think I used any of the torches.

00:56:27

I don't think so.

00:56:28

You just see it fall and fall and fall.

00:56:34

Does it ever?

00:56:35

Fall and fall.

00:56:38

And then it just disappears.

00:56:39

It's fallen so far that you.

00:56:42

You can't see the light anymore.

00:56:45

I jump in.

00:56:46

No, I was just.

00:56:51

I was just doing my.

00:56:52

No, I'm not jumping in.

00:56:54

No, I'm not jumping in.

00:56:56

I was making.

00:56:57

I was making a joke.

00:56:58

I was making a joke about you.

00:57:00

You always jump in a trash garbage.

00:57:02

No, I'm not jumping in the bottomless pit.

00:57:05

Please don't make me dead.

00:57:08

Please.

00:57:10

Please.

00:57:12

All right.

00:57:14

I die for it.

00:57:15

I grab you by your leg.

00:57:18

Oh, boom.

00:57:20

Boo.

00:57:22

Athletics check.

00:57:22

But I did not jump in.

00:57:25

You said it.

00:57:27

I did not.

00:57:28

I didn't.

00:57:28

I didn't really say it, though.

00:57:31

You did say it, though.

00:57:32

Yeah, I was not in character.

00:57:34

Give me an athletics check.

00:57:35

I was out of character.

00:57:39

That's pretty good.

00:57:40

12.

00:57:40

All right.

00:57:41

So.

00:57:42

So Jerry runs up and is able to grab your ankle as you're jumping into this pit.

00:57:48

What are you doing?

00:57:50

This is the stupidest thing you've ever done.

00:57:55

I.

00:57:56

Did you really want that torch?

00:57:57

Some.

00:57:58

Some.

00:57:58

Give me an acrobatics check.

00:58:01

Oh, boy.

00:58:02

All right.

00:58:11

You start.

00:58:12

You turn around.

00:58:13

You grab Jerry's arm.

00:58:15

You start climbing back up.

00:58:16

Easy.

00:58:18

Easy.

00:58:18

Easy.

00:58:19

Don't knock me over.

00:58:22

So.

00:58:23

Have.

00:58:24

Have you ever done that thing where you, like, walk up to a ledge at, like, the mall

00:58:29

and you, like, look over and you feel panicked about, you know, jumping?

00:58:34

I.

00:58:36

Did you ever have that thought when you're doing that, that you should just jump?

00:58:39

Yeah.

00:58:41

I.

00:58:41

Did it.

00:58:43

Have you done it?

00:58:44

You dove.

00:58:45

You ran and jumped in.

00:58:47

There was no thinking about it.

00:58:48

You saw the torch go down and you jumped after it.

00:58:51

Yeah.

00:58:53

That happened.

00:58:55

But.

00:58:56

So, yeah, I've done it once.

00:58:58

Are you.

00:59:00

Do you think you're invincible?

00:59:01

I don't.

00:59:05

I hear.

00:59:06

I don't know what came over me.

00:59:07

You could die.

00:59:09

I thought I was joking, but it happened.

00:59:14

There are no.

00:59:15

There's no.

00:59:16

There's no.

00:59:17

There's no make believe in this.

00:59:19

In this game.

00:59:20

All right.

00:59:21

It's very unforgiving.

00:59:24

out of character.

00:59:26

Oh, my God.

00:59:27

When I jumped into the garbage pit, I had to deal with the consequences, too.

00:59:31

Yeah.

00:59:32

But.

00:59:32

Yeah.

00:59:32

But you weren't joking.

00:59:33

You seriously jumped into it.

00:59:35

You weren't joking either.

00:59:36

No, I was joking.

00:59:39

Did not sound like it.

00:59:40

That's.

00:59:41

Oh, you're going to see this card a lot more often now just because of that.

00:59:44

And I hope you get annoyed.

00:59:45

Okay.

00:59:48

What do you guys do then?

00:59:49

Both of the doors are still locked and there's still two bottomless pits.

00:59:54

All right.

00:59:55

So.

00:59:56

I'm going to take that as a hint that I shouldn't throw a flare and or jump into the other one.

01:00:03

I mean, they're bottomless, so I don't think we're going to have much luck in there.

01:00:06

We don't know that, though.

01:00:09

I mean, don't we?

01:00:12

Don't we?

01:00:14

I mean, I didn't actually jump into the one you say.

01:00:17

Don't we?

01:00:18

I would know if you didn't save my life.

01:00:21

Well, I'm sorry for doing that.

01:00:25

Is that a punk?

01:00:27

No.

01:00:28

I'm very upset with you right now.

01:00:33

Yeah.

01:00:33

Well, so you, genius boy.

01:00:36

What the hell is this egg timer?

01:00:38

I don't know.

01:00:41

I've never been in this room.

01:00:42

But this doesn't look familiar to you from your life of science?

01:00:49

No, I was always told to stay out of this room.

01:00:52

Why did you let us go in it then?

01:00:54

He just ran in.

01:00:56

There was no stopping him.

01:00:59

We had to run after him.

01:01:00

No, I disagree.

01:01:02

However, we did.

01:01:04

So, okay.

01:01:06

Is there any other?

01:01:10

The egg timer's still here?

01:01:10

It's just the egg timer.

01:01:12

Can I start it?

01:01:15

You walk over?

01:01:16

Yeah.

01:01:16

Yeah.

01:01:17

And then give me an investigation check.

01:01:23

Investigation.

01:01:26

What about Arcana?

01:01:27

Why would it be Arcana?

01:01:30

I assume it's magical.

01:01:32

I'm going to intimidate this thing.

01:01:33

Well, that's what you have to investigate.

01:01:35

Deception.

01:01:36

Oh, boy.

01:01:40

That is a critical failure.

01:01:43

I didn't actually turn it.

01:01:45

I wanted to know if I could turn it.

01:01:47

You walked up to it.

01:01:49

Investigation.

01:01:50

In terrible or typical Jerry fashion.

01:01:54

You tripped and face planted right in front of it.

01:01:57

Yes.

01:01:58

But never touched it.

01:02:00

But never touched it.

01:02:01

Oh, okay.

01:02:02

That could have been worse.

01:02:03

Is he crying?

01:02:04

Butt.

01:02:06

Butt.

01:02:06

Butt.

01:02:06

Butt.

01:02:07

Butt.

01:02:07

Butt.

01:02:07

Don't use that word.

01:02:09

Half butt.

01:02:09

Half butt.

01:02:10

Don't use that word in front of me.

01:02:13

When Jerry falls to the ground.

01:02:15

Buttly disabled is what I prefer to be called.

01:02:17

When Jerry falls to the ground, it makes a loud thump.

01:02:20

And the egg jumps up a little bit.

01:02:22

Oh, boy.

01:02:23

And falls down and starts ticking.

01:02:25

Oh, great.

01:02:27

What is it set to, Jerry?

01:02:29

60 seconds.

01:02:31

Jerry.

01:02:34

What is it set to?

01:02:36

60 seconds.

01:02:41

Just enough to boil an egg.

01:02:43

Coincidence?

01:02:45

Should we throw it down the bottomless pit?

01:02:48

I'm going to throw it down the bottomless pit.

01:02:51

It hovers there.

01:02:53

Fuck.

01:02:54

Which one?

01:02:55

Can I do it in the other one?

01:02:56

It hovers there.

01:02:58

Oh, my God.

01:02:58

Don't you notice right before you were about to throw it in on the top of it?

01:03:01

It says rapture.

01:03:04

Oh, that's not good.

01:03:06

So do we have to start praying?

01:03:08

No.

01:03:08

I don't know.

01:03:12

I don't.

01:03:14

Is it ticking?

01:03:17

Is it ticking?

01:03:18

I don't hear nothing.

01:03:21

I don't think it's.

01:03:21

Oh, I'm doing ticking.

01:03:23

Oh, yeah.

01:03:25

It's being it's being muted.

01:03:26

Oh, yeah.

01:03:28

I was ticking.

01:03:29

Oh, boy.

01:03:31

Is that a fire?

01:03:32

Is that a fireplace?

01:03:33

No.

01:03:35

All right.

01:03:36

I grab it.

01:03:38

And.

01:03:38

Nerd boy.

01:03:41

What do we do with this?

01:03:42

It's down to 40 seconds.

01:03:43

All right.

01:03:44

So are there.

01:03:45

This picture shows doors.

01:03:47

There's no doors.

01:03:48

There are two doors that are both locked.

01:03:51

They're both locked.

01:03:52

But not the ones.

01:03:53

The one in the picture should be closed.

01:03:55

OK.

01:03:56

And we have two holes and just hovers.

01:04:01

Just hovers over the holes.

01:04:02

If I throw it forcefully into the hole, it still hovers.

01:04:06

Yeah.

01:04:08

It actually goes down a little bit, comes back and hits you in the head.

01:04:11

Ah.

01:04:11

Loses.

01:04:13

Lose a hit point.

01:04:14

It never.

01:04:15

It never ends.

01:04:16

All right.

01:04:17

Oh.

01:04:17

Well, let's see.

01:04:22

Is there any objects I can hide it under?

01:04:24

No.

01:04:26

It's still going to be ticking.

01:04:27

Yeah.

01:04:28

That's fine.

01:04:28

But I just want it hidden under.

01:04:30

I start trying out all the doors.

01:04:32

And try to do secret.

01:04:34

So.

01:04:35

So panic has set in.

01:04:36

Yes.

01:04:37

30 seconds.

01:04:38

All right.

01:04:39

I throw it up.

01:04:40

It falls back down.

01:04:43

OK.

01:04:44

I grab it and throw it back at you, Summer.

01:04:46

All right.

01:04:47

And then.

01:04:47

And then I.

01:04:48

I grab it and I start playing hot potato.

01:04:50

And I toss it back.

01:04:52

I kick it back.

01:04:55

No.

01:04:55

I don't want it.

01:04:56

20 seconds.

01:04:57

All right.

01:04:57

I throw it into a corner of the room.

01:04:59

It just stays there.

01:05:01

Counting down.

01:05:02

OK.

01:05:02

But is it hovering?

01:05:03

I hit it with a ray of frost.

01:05:05

No.

01:05:05

It's on the ground.

01:05:06

I freeze it.

01:05:07

You've.

01:05:08

It does.

01:05:09

Does nothing to the egg timer.

01:05:11

Oh, my God.

01:05:12

Can he.

01:05:13

Can he roll for it?

01:05:14

No.

01:05:15

10 seconds.

01:05:16

Oh, my God.

01:05:16

I'm going to run into the opposite corner of the room.

01:05:18

I'm going to run into the other opposite corner of the room.

01:05:21

You're not going to do anything about this?

01:05:22

Are we in the same corner?

01:05:24

Nope.

01:05:24

I'm done.

01:05:24

I'm tapped out.

01:05:26

Are we in the same corner, though?

01:05:28

Yes.

01:05:29

All right.

01:05:29

I'm hugging Jerry.

01:05:30

All right.

01:05:31

Two butts.

01:05:32

Runs up.

01:05:32

Grabs it.

01:05:33

And resets it.

01:05:35

Huh.

01:05:36

Huh.

01:05:37

Well.

01:05:41

It only goes to 50 seconds.

01:05:44

Hi.

01:05:45

Well, OK.

01:05:45

I see a pattern here.

01:05:47

I just look at Jerry and I like like kind of like brush off of him.

01:05:55

That was.

01:05:58

Yeah.

01:05:59

It's been a while since we've done that.

01:06:01

Yeah.

01:06:04

What do we do now?

01:06:06

We have 40 seconds.

01:06:07

All right.

01:06:09

I don't really.

01:06:11

So there's nothing else in this room.

01:06:13

No.

01:06:14

Huh.

01:06:17

Huh.

01:06:18

30 seconds.

01:06:21

Can I.

01:06:22

Can we investigate the room?

01:06:24

There's nothing in there.

01:06:26

Just see.

01:06:27

Can I.

01:06:28

Can I.

01:06:29

Can I roll for it?

01:06:31

All right.

01:06:33

Give me an investigation roll.

01:06:34

You know what?

01:06:37

Give me a perception check.

01:06:38

Actually.

01:06:39

All right.

01:06:40

Oh, we don't have that.

01:06:41

There's no.

01:06:41

No.

01:06:42

No.

01:06:42

No.

01:06:42

It is.

01:06:42

You can do.

01:06:43

That egg is going to count down.

01:06:45

Oh, he's going to.

01:06:47

He's going to really jazz me.

01:06:49

21.

01:06:50

You investigate nothing.

01:06:53

I.

01:06:54

Oh, you perceive.

01:06:55

You perceive nothing.

01:06:56

All right.

01:06:57

Great.

01:06:58

Even though I've rolled a 19.

01:06:59

20 seconds.

01:06:59

OK.

01:07:00

Uh.

01:07:01

Uh.

01:07:02

I grab the egg and I reset it again.

01:07:04

All right.

01:07:05

This time it only goes to 40 seconds.

01:07:07

OK.

01:07:07

All right.

01:07:08

Hmm.

01:07:09

Interesting.

01:07:10

Uh.

01:07:11

I.

01:07:11

Uh.

01:07:13

Well.

01:07:13

Well.

01:07:13

Hey.

01:07:14

I throw the egg to Jerry and I say, quick, throw it at me.

01:07:19

I throw it.

01:07:20

All right.

01:07:21

And then I'm going to take my longbow and do like a baseball swing at it.

01:07:29

You hit it right back into Jerry's hands.

01:07:32

Oh, my God.

01:07:33

20 seconds.

01:07:35

I'm a.

01:07:36

You know.

01:07:36

Nice catch, though.

01:07:37

I throw it.

01:07:39

I hit it again.

01:07:41

10 seconds.

01:07:42

No, I don't want it.

01:07:42

I run behind you.

01:07:46

I'm not going.

01:07:47

I don't want anything to do with that thing.

01:07:49

Five seconds.

01:07:49

All right.

01:07:50

I throw it in the corner.

01:07:51

I run back into the corner and I hug onto Jerry for dear life.

01:07:55

I make you my human shield.

01:07:57

All right.

01:08:00

When the clock reaches zero, all the doors in the room open and the characters are free to leave.

01:08:06

Huh.

01:08:07

Well, I look.

01:08:09

I look at all of you.

01:08:10

Stop being cheap to your pathetic instincts and think critically for once.

01:08:14

Think about it.

01:08:16

I'm not going to kill everyone.

01:08:18

I can't do that.

01:08:19

It would introduce a host of liabilities for me.

01:08:22

Since if you die in this dungeon, you die in real life.

01:08:26

That's not comforting.

01:08:30

Nor helpful.

01:08:32

I did critically think.

01:08:34

There was nothing we could have done with this egg.

01:08:36

We did a lot of thinking.

01:08:38

Way more thinking than we should have.

01:08:40

I tried jumping in the hole.

01:08:41

Critical thinking.

01:08:43

He's not going to.

01:08:43

I'm not going to kill you off.

01:08:45

There's no point to that.

01:08:47

All right.

01:08:51

So the doors open.

01:08:52

The trap doors start to shut.

01:08:56

But right before they do, a torch pops out of one and lands on the ground.

01:09:00

That could have been me.

01:09:02

What'd you save me for?

01:09:06

I don't know.

01:09:07

I didn't want you to die.

01:09:08

That's the nicest thing you said to me all day.

01:09:10

And on the torch handle, it says some sums torch.

01:09:14

Oh, so it is my torch.

01:09:16

All right.

01:09:20

All right.

01:09:21

So plus one.

01:09:22

I mean, let's just be honest here.

01:09:24

That's like the one bottomless pit that that was going to happen to.

01:09:27

Every other one on the face of the earth, you're just going to fall and die.

01:09:31

That's fatalistic.

01:09:33

Does my butt pop out?

01:09:34

Can I look in the...

01:09:36

No, your butt does not pop out.

01:09:39

The doors are closed now.

01:09:41

The trap doors are closed now.

01:09:43

The butt is gone.

01:09:45

Forever.

01:09:46

I'm really starting to get fed up with this place.

01:09:51

I kicked the wall.

01:09:54

Me too.

01:09:54

I'm going to walk through.

01:09:56

I think you said there's two doors, right?

01:09:59

Yeah.

01:09:59

You came in the one on the right.

01:10:01

Oh.

01:10:01

So there's...

01:10:04

There's two doors.

01:10:05

There's two total.

01:10:06

Yes.

01:10:06

Really?

01:10:07

Okay.

01:10:07

See ya.

01:10:08

Wait, no.

01:10:09

I'm going first this time.

01:10:10

You went first last time.

01:10:12

Yeah, I don't always go first.

01:10:14

That's out of character.

01:10:17

And Tommy Two Butts, get your ass over here.

01:10:21

Your ass is...

01:10:22

Tommy Two Butts is coming.

01:10:23

He's gone?

01:10:24

He's coming.

01:10:25

Oh.

01:10:26

He's a-coming.

01:10:28

Oh!

01:10:31

Fake doors!

01:10:34

Oh, I forgot to put...

01:10:37

Oh, no.

01:10:40

I didn't.

01:10:41

Treasure?

01:10:41

No.

01:10:42

Oh.

01:10:42

He forgot to put actual doors on this place.

01:10:46

And a room of doors.

01:10:50

Get your fake doors!

01:10:52

All right.

01:10:57

At the center of this room floats a tiny orb of energy that lights up.

01:11:01

And the room has two other doors.

01:11:07

When the last of you enters the room, the door you all came through suddenly slams shut.

01:11:11

I have a feeling that those two doors are fake.

01:11:14

So there's actually three doors.

01:11:16

The one you came in and two other doors.

01:11:18

I have a feeling they're fake.

01:11:20

They're fake doors.

01:11:21

The door you came through and all the other doors are no longer alone.

01:11:24

All the walls are suddenly covered with identical doors.

01:11:27

Twelve in all.

01:11:28

Weirdly, you're no longer sure which door you came through to get in here.

01:11:33

I think it was this one right behind me.

01:11:34

No.

01:11:36

You don't know.

01:11:37

You can't tell.

01:11:38

That's odd.

01:11:40

I'm very confident, though.

01:11:42

It says getting out of this room isn't as easy as just going back to the way the characters came.

01:11:47

Hmm.

01:11:48

Hmm.

01:11:49

All right.

01:11:51

I pick the first door I see and open it.

01:11:53

You open it, and another door pops open, and you just see into the same room that you're in.

01:12:02

But from that other door's point of view.

01:12:05

Creepy.

01:12:06

I wave at you.

01:12:07

Bye.

01:12:09

Great going, Dad.

01:12:13

Bye.

01:12:15

Now touch the orb.

01:12:16

All right.

01:12:18

I go up, and I touch the orb.

01:12:19

What?

01:12:26

I just was expecting more of a fight.

01:12:29

But you really are a cuckold.

01:12:32

Call me that.

01:12:36

All right.

01:12:37

We're not supposed to say that anymore.

01:12:38

All right.

01:12:39

Once you touch the orb, all the doors suddenly fly open.

01:12:43

But where you saw into the same room before, all you see now is darkness.

01:12:48

Um.

01:12:50

Wait.

01:12:51

Don't let go of the orb.

01:12:55

Uh.

01:12:56

Then I light a flare, and I throw it into one of the doors of darkness.

01:12:59

It just pops out another one of the doors.

01:13:04

Like a Scooby-Doo thing?

01:13:05

Yeah.

01:13:06

Oh, boy.

01:13:07

Ew.

01:13:09

Well.

01:13:10

That's strange.

01:13:12

All right.

01:13:13

I'm going to open every second door.

01:13:15

But they're all.

01:13:16

They're all.

01:13:17

They're all open.

01:13:17

Oh, God.

01:13:19

But they're filled with darkness.

01:13:21

Yeah.

01:13:24

Should we go in one?

01:13:25

Maybe we should set the timer.

01:13:27

You couldn't take the timer.

01:13:30

What?

01:13:32

Is it some kind of magical timer?

01:13:33

Yes.

01:13:34

It floated above a bottomless pit.

01:13:36

He is right.

01:13:37

Got you there.

01:13:38

Well, he's right.

01:13:41

Let's try.

01:13:42

Let's try the baseball thing again.

01:13:44

Except this time with the orb.

01:13:45

Smack it.

01:13:50

Yeah.

01:13:50

I'll take another crack at it.

01:13:53

Yeah.

01:13:53

All right.

01:13:55

I throw the orb at you.

01:13:56

I swing for the fences.

01:13:58

Connecting with the orb.

01:14:00

Athletic stretch.

01:14:02

I feel like this is going to.

01:14:03

Oh, no.

01:14:03

He's going to take my hit points down.

01:14:05

Why?

01:14:06

No.

01:14:07

Give me an athletics check.

01:14:09

Eleven.

01:14:22

That's pretty good, right?

01:14:23

Eleven?

01:14:23

No.

01:14:24

So you hit the orb.

01:14:25

Oh, no.

01:14:25

And your bow cracks in half.

01:14:27

Broken.

01:14:28

Not my bow.

01:14:29

Your bow is useless.

01:14:33

Did I say bow?

01:14:34

I meant sword.

01:14:36

You can try again with your sword.

01:14:41

No.

01:14:42

No.

01:14:43

That sucks.

01:14:49

You're the one I want to play baseball.

01:14:50

Let me cross off the lawn bow here.

01:14:53

I thought.

01:14:54

No.

01:14:55

Not cross it off.

01:14:56

It's just broken.

01:14:57

It can be fixed.

01:14:59

Probably.

01:15:00

No.

01:15:00

It cannot be fixed.

01:15:01

It is shattered.

01:15:03

Don't say never.

01:15:04

It is shattered.

01:15:05

Never say never.

01:15:06

You cannot fix that lawn bow.

01:15:08

You said the same thing about my button.

01:15:10

We're about to get that back, too.

01:15:11

I don't think I did.

01:15:13

You.

01:15:14

Yeah.

01:15:15

Oh, no.

01:15:15

Anyway, what do you do?

01:15:16

Well, I thought we had to destroy it.

01:15:19

Why not have a little fun with it?

01:15:20

That's what I thought.

01:15:21

Well, I say we take it into one of these doors.

01:15:24

All right.

01:15:28

I pick up the orb and I walk into one of the one of the rooms of darkness.

01:15:35

OK, roll the D12.

01:15:36

How do I do that again?

01:15:39

Tiger, what's the command?

01:15:43

I think it's.

01:15:45

What was it?

01:15:46

Slash R and then D10.

01:15:48

Slash.

01:15:49

R space.

01:15:51

Yeah.

01:15:53

Well, I wanted to.

01:15:56

Yeah, it's a D12, though.

01:15:57

Oh, D12.

01:15:58

Yeah.

01:15:59

So slash R space.

01:16:07

One D12.

01:16:09

I think.

01:16:11

Yeah.

01:16:12

All right.

01:16:14

You got an eight.

01:16:15

That's not good.

01:16:16

All the fire in the room is pixelated.

01:16:20

Cute.

01:16:22

There was fire in the room?

01:16:23

Yes.

01:16:24

Is it full of fire?

01:16:28

No.

01:16:28

It's just like a parallel dimension where.

01:16:33

Where all the fire.

01:16:35

That orb you're holding.

01:16:36

Like.

01:16:37

Lights up and it shows.

01:16:38

The world on the outside.

01:16:40

Yeah.

01:16:41

And all the fire that you see is just.

01:16:43

The fire itself is pixelated.

01:16:45

But nothing else is.

01:16:46

If you go in another door.

01:16:51

Will it do something different?

01:16:57

I turn around.

01:16:58

Go through another door.

01:16:59

Yeah.

01:17:00

Roll a D12.

01:17:01

All right.

01:17:02

All right.

01:17:04

Is it slash R or slash?

01:17:08

I care.

01:17:08

Slash R.

01:17:09

Slash R.

01:17:09

A nine.

01:17:16

That's pretty good.

01:17:17

You walk through it.

01:17:18

And every surface is slightly bouncy.

01:17:20

Hey.

01:17:22

Hey.

01:17:22

Hey.

01:17:22

This one's kind of fun.

01:17:23

Slightly bouncy.

01:17:26

Not very bouncy.

01:17:27

Ah.

01:17:28

Do you know.

01:17:32

Okay.

01:17:33

At the school.

01:17:33

We had to put down floor.

01:17:34

Like.

01:17:35

Wait.

01:17:35

Is this in character?

01:17:36

This is not in character.

01:17:37

Okay.

01:17:38

At the school.

01:17:38

There's a.

01:17:39

There's a.

01:17:40

What's it called?

01:17:40

We had to put down.

01:17:41

On the.

01:17:41

On the playground.

01:17:42

They replaced the mulch.

01:17:43

With this like.

01:17:44

Foam floor.

01:17:45

There's actually something called.

01:17:46

A spring ratio.

01:17:47

Based on how spring.

01:17:48

The floor is.

01:17:49

I thought that was kind of interesting.

01:17:50

Is that floor made out of like.

01:17:52

Old tires?

01:17:53

Uh.

01:17:55

No.

01:17:55

It's just like.

01:17:55

Like rubber.

01:17:57

I know what you're talking about.

01:17:58

I've seen those before.

01:17:59

Yeah.

01:18:00

Kind of old.

01:18:02

You know how they replace.

01:18:03

Some of the wood chips.

01:18:04

With like.

01:18:04

Those old pieces of tire.

01:18:05

Yeah.

01:18:06

It's giving everyone cancer now.

01:18:07

Yeah.

01:18:08

It's.

01:18:08

It's carcinogenic.

01:18:09

It's pretty cool.

01:18:10

I don't think that's this though.

01:18:12

I think this is like.

01:18:12

Because this is not black.

01:18:14

Or anything like that.

01:18:14

It's not.

01:18:15

It's like.

01:18:15

It's all solid.

01:18:16

It's all one giant.

01:18:17

Yeah.

01:18:17

No.

01:18:17

I know what you're.

01:18:18

You're talking about.

01:18:19

And I don't know if that.

01:18:20

Gives cancer or not.

01:18:22

It could.

01:18:23

Everything gives you cancer.

01:18:25

Not this.

01:18:26

Except for.

01:18:27

Except for the cancer.

01:18:28

Especially that.

01:18:29

Constellation.

01:18:30

That's a radium glass.

01:18:31

Hmm.

01:18:34

Is that in character?

01:18:35

Yes.

01:18:37

All right.

01:18:38

So.

01:18:38

Oh.

01:18:39

It's slightly bouncy.

01:18:40

Yeah.

01:18:40

Everything is slightly bouncy.

01:18:42

All right.

01:18:44

So.

01:18:44

Are.

01:18:45

I.

01:18:46

Are we following him through the door?

01:18:47

Yes.

01:18:48

Okay.

01:18:49

So now we're.

01:18:50

We're like in.

01:18:51

Some sort of alternate.

01:18:53

You're in a parallel dimension.

01:18:55

Okay.

01:18:56

All right.

01:18:57

And if we go back through the door.

01:19:00

We're back in our dimension.

01:19:00

No.

01:19:01

Then you have to roll another dice.

01:19:02

Another D12.

01:19:03

Oh.

01:19:05

So we can never go back to.

01:19:07

Our original dimension.

01:19:08

Hmm.

01:19:11

Okay.

01:19:12

Um.

01:19:14

Interesting.

01:19:16

I mean.

01:19:17

We could just keep doing this all day.

01:19:18

Until we roll the right.

01:19:19

Roll a sufficient number.

01:19:21

It's going to take forever.

01:19:24

Or.

01:19:25

You have a one in 12 shot.

01:19:27

Yeah.

01:19:29

That's like.

01:19:30

Five percent.

01:19:31

It's more than five percent.

01:19:35

Eight percent.

01:19:37

It's more.

01:19:38

Okay.

01:19:38

Yeah.

01:19:39

I can see.

01:19:39

Well,

01:19:40

that's not eight percent.

01:19:41

It's one eighth.

01:19:42

Twelve and a half percent.

01:19:43

Okay.

01:19:45

None of us are good with math here.

01:19:47

So.

01:19:47

Yeah.

01:19:48

It's not like we're engineers or anything.

01:19:50

It's just going to remain a mystery.

01:19:52

Dealers.

01:19:52

It's just one of life's many mysteries.

01:19:55

All right.

01:19:55

Then I guess.

01:19:56

Do it again.

01:19:57

All right.

01:19:58

I do it again.

01:19:59

D12.

01:20:00

Yeah, buddy.

01:20:11

So you walk through this door.

01:20:13

And you're overwhelmed by the certainty that squirrels don't control this dimension.

01:20:19

Oh, I see.

01:20:22

Wow, that's nuts.

01:20:23

Go through a different door.

01:20:27

All right.

01:20:31

It makes you a little uneasy, right?

01:20:33

Yeah.

01:20:34

No.

01:20:36

What?

01:20:37

Oh, because you put our slash.

01:20:44

Damn it.

01:20:45

So I made you just say it.

01:20:48

What does that do?

01:20:49

Wait, why did it come from?

01:20:51

Why did it come from?

01:20:53

Oh, oh, okay.

01:20:55

I see what happened.

01:20:55

Nine.

01:20:57

You walk back into the slightly bouncy universe.

01:20:59

Damn it.

01:21:00

I want.

01:21:01

So there's two doors that lead to the bouncy universe.

01:21:04

You don't know.

01:21:06

No.

01:21:06

Nine.

01:21:06

Nine goes.

01:21:08

When you roll nine, we go to the bouncy universe.

01:21:11

Give me that orb.

01:21:14

Orb.

01:21:16

All right.

01:21:20

It's orbit time.

01:21:21

All right.

01:21:23

You walk through the door and every single time you guys move, you have to, you're dancing.

01:21:28

Oh, I kind of like this universe.

01:21:32

Can we stay in this one?

01:21:33

No, I don't dance.

01:21:35

I mean, you're just.

01:21:36

Yeah.

01:21:37

Well, you are now.

01:21:37

Not well.

01:21:40

All right.

01:21:41

Fine.

01:21:41

This is my nightmare.

01:21:43

Six.

01:21:46

You walk through the door and all the light that's around you is like, it's just fluorescent

01:21:53

and it's very irritating to your eyes.

01:21:55

This irritates my eyes.

01:21:58

And your butt cheek.

01:21:59

There has got to be a better way.

01:22:01

No, this is the easiest.

01:22:08

All right.

01:22:09

You walk through the door and you just hear this constant.

01:22:18

All right.

01:22:21

Not like you.

01:22:21

Everyone has tinnitus.

01:22:23

You walk through the store and whenever you laugh, it's backwards like Jimmy Carr.

01:22:30

Oh, this is making me disturbed.

01:22:33

Eleven is the squirrel dimension again.

01:22:38

You know what?

01:22:39

This one's not so bad.

01:22:40

Yeah, but no, it makes you uneasy.

01:22:44

This makes me uneasy.

01:22:47

Because you know it's not squirrels, but you don't know what it is.

01:22:50

Oh, no.

01:22:52

Six is the fluorescent.

01:22:53

Oh.

01:23:00

Oh, no.

01:23:00

This is the fire.

01:23:01

The pixelated fire one.

01:23:02

All right.

01:23:03

This one's not so bad.

01:23:05

But wait a second.

01:23:06

What are we doing?

01:23:07

We're just trying to find the door out of here or the door back to where we can.

01:23:10

Yeah, you keep rolling the same numbers.

01:23:12

Right.

01:23:13

Interesting.

01:23:16

Roll it again, Sam.

01:23:18

Some.

01:23:20

God damn this.

01:23:23

Slightly bouncy world.

01:23:24

This dice sucks.

01:23:26

Oh.

01:23:28

Tree.

01:23:29

Tree.

01:23:30

The air in this dimension.

01:23:34

Please.

01:23:34

Tastes like.

01:23:35

Tastes like lemon, but it smells like lime.

01:23:38

You walk here and people's hair grows at an accelerated rate.

01:23:50

Ah.

01:23:51

You can watch it happen.

01:23:54

Some, some bush just keeps, like the mound keeps getting bigger and bigger.

01:23:58

You know I'm like 16.

01:24:00

That's old enough to have hair in your pubes.

01:24:04

Wow.

01:24:05

You said you were in college before.

01:24:11

I was trying to sound cool.

01:24:14

She told me she was in college.

01:24:15

She told me she was in college.

01:24:15

She goes to a different school.

01:24:20

At this point, we're just running from door to door.

01:24:24

Just trying to get anywhere.

01:24:28

Yeah.

01:24:28

Yeah.

01:24:28

Yeah.

01:24:28

Nine is the bouncy.

01:24:34

Two.

01:24:36

Coins are sentient here.

01:24:38

And they are aware that they are being traded and hoarded as property.

01:24:41

Do I have any coins?

01:24:43

You got a bunch of silver and gold.

01:24:45

All right.

01:24:45

I take out one of the coins.

01:24:46

How do I get out of here?

01:24:49

You just have to pick the right door.

01:24:51

Thanks for nothing.

01:24:53

I'm going to trade you.

01:24:56

You walk back in and there's your one coin sitting on the ground going, oh, no, not again.

01:25:01

Pixelated fire.

01:25:07

Betcha's number one.

01:25:10

Betcha's number seven.

01:25:12

There's one.

01:25:21

Everything smells like licorice.

01:25:25

I like this one.

01:25:26

Let me get out of here.

01:25:29

We've been through every number.

01:25:30

What number haven't we hit?

01:25:32

Twelve.

01:25:33

All right.

01:25:40

I'm done.

01:25:40

You rolled a twelve.

01:25:41

Let's just say that.

01:25:44

Wait.

01:25:46

I didn't roll a twelve yet.

01:25:48

There it is.

01:25:48

Okay.

01:25:48

There it is.

01:25:49

Yeah.

01:25:49

All right.

01:25:53

What happens now?

01:25:54

So once you walk through the door, all the lights shut out and the room is back to the

01:26:00

way it looked when you first got in there before you touched the orb.

01:26:03

The orb.

01:26:05

You can now pass through the room to one of the two doors.

01:26:11

So the door we came in, the one we're going to?

01:26:14

No, no.

01:26:15

Well, you can't.

01:26:16

One of the three doors.

01:26:17

The door you came in.

01:26:18

Oh, the two others.

01:26:20

The top or the one to the bottom.

01:26:22

Or we can call it there.

01:26:28

Can we take the door, take a look and then end it?

01:26:36

Uh, let me check.

01:26:38

No.

01:26:40

Really?

01:26:43

Yeah.

01:26:44

I don't, I don't have a.

01:26:45

Can you just do a description maybe?

01:26:49

Yeah.

01:26:51

All right.

01:26:52

Uh, daddy.

01:26:53

Oh, since you, uh, I don't, I was trying to think of something good about you, but couldn't

01:27:01

think of anything, but still, maybe you should just pick.

01:27:03

What?

01:27:06

Which door?

01:27:07

Well.

01:27:11

You can go to the top door or the bottom door.

01:27:17

What's wrong, I guess?

01:27:23

Huh?

01:27:24

Bottom door.

01:27:25

Because I'm a bottom bitch.

01:27:26

The bottom door.

01:27:28

Okay.

01:27:28

Let's see.

01:27:30

A narrow walkway two feet across hugs the edge of the circular chamber.

01:27:35

Beyond the edge of the walkway yawns a nasty 20-foot deep pit.

01:27:41

Evidently a trap that succeeded at its intended purpose.

01:27:45

An attractive young wizard and wizard, or woman in wizard's robes is impaled on a nasty looking

01:27:50

spike at the bottom, the pit's bottom, and gasping for breath.

01:27:54

If she's some kind of illusion, she's a convincing one.

01:27:58

music

01:27:59

music

01:27:59

music

Episode 3